Page 46 of The Dark Before Light

“There are many people who’d say my behavior was grossly unprofessional. I shouldn’t have gone in the jacuzzi, shared details of my private life, or stayed the night in your guest room. I’ll admit, initially, I shared that mindset. But I’ve since given it a lot of thought and come to the conclusion that our experience was in line with my general methodology. Maybe it’s not something I’ve done before, but it nevertheless built trust. You shared more with me Friday night than you have before. Do you agree?”

“Don’t suppose you’ll accept the excuse I was high?”

I crack a smile. “No, Kieran.”

His jaw clenches as I say his name. “Then yes. I agree.”

“I think I made a mistake in how I’ve approached our time together. As I mentioned at our first meeting, I normally have weeks to prepare for new clients. Maybe if we’d done the usual interviews, we could have avoided this. Maybe not—it doesn’t matter. What matters is I’ve realized you’re a lot more likely to share with me if you see me as a friend rather than an adversary.”

“A friend?” he scoffs. “You can’t be that blind. How many more times do I have to get a hard-on looking at you for you to admit I want you? Under me, above me, sideways, upside-down… Doesn’t matter.”

My face flames. So does my body. I don’t bother hiding my reaction; instead, I meet his challenging gaze head-on.

“I’m not blind. I understand you think you want to have sex with me.”

“I think? There’s no thought involved.” He leans back on his hands. “Look down and you’ll have the proof. It’s not fuckin’ pleasant, I’ll tell you that much. I’d turn it off if I could.”

By force of will, I don’t look at his lap. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” I say softly. “The opposite, really. If you agree to my proposal, I think it will help.”

“Not likely—unless it involves you sitting on my face.”

The erotic visual makes my core clench hard; it also annoys me. “Enough, Kieran.”

“It’ll never be enough, Stirling.” He glances between my crossed legs. “Are you throbbing for me?”

“Goddammit! Stop!”

My yell surprises me more than him. While I struggle with dismay, he struggles not to laugh.

“Do you know why I’m so good at chess?”

I clench my hands together to prevent them from reaching up and pulling my hair out. “What does chess have to do with anything?”

“I’m good at chess—brilliant, really—because I can see the future. The variables, the probabilities. The more I know about who I’m playing, the easier it is for me to win.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I know what your proposal is. You want to have more exchanges like we had on Friday. I tell you something, you shrink my brain, and then you reward me with details about your life because you’ve figured out I want to know everything about you.”

Son of a bitch…

He sits up, shifting forward until our knees bump again. “You know what the flaw in your plan is? You think the more I know about you, the less I’ll want to fuck you.” He chuckles, low and menacing. “I guarantee that won’t be the case.”

My stomach sinks, taking my pride with it. He outmaneuvered me before I even managed to set pieces on the board. As my illusions of control crash and burn around me, all I can think is how foolish I was to imagine I could win a battle of wits with a king.

With no other options, I pull off my masks and lay down my weapons. My resigned sigh makes his focus narrow.

“You’re right, Kieran. I do think that because I’m not the woman you’ve built a fantasy world around. That woman is your idea of me. The sex therapist, the former Domme, the first woman since your mother to call you on your shit… whatever is causing this infatuation, it isn’t me.”

His eyes glitter. “Agree to disagree.”

I wave the words away. “Fine. My proposal stands. You give me the truth—unfiltered and honest—and commit to exploring the underlying causes of your binge-drinking and drug use. If you do that, I’ll give you a truth in return.”

“What if I want something other than a truth from you?”

I shake my head. “We’re not negotiating. You can ask me one question, and I’ll answer honestly.” I pause, then add, “Unless I deem it inappropriate.”

I don’t trust the look on his face. Confident. Borderline ruthless. He’s ignoring my white flag and readying a final volley.

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