Page 64 of The Dark Before Light

Kieran’s eyes widen. “Talia?—”

“No,” I whisper.

Bending, I kiss his forehead. Goodbye. Then I take a long step back from the table and smooth down my skirt.

“Go home, Kieran. Please consider reaching out to a new therapist. I personally recommend Dr. Leo Chastain.”

At the forced detachment in my voice, devastation flashes across his face. It hurts me, too. Like a fucking stake to the chest. But I don’t have the luxury of living in fantasies anymore. And that’s what this is—or was.

Kieran sits up slowly, gripping the edges of the bench until his knuckles turn white. Even certain he won’t, I shift back another step in case he tries to reach for me. His head bows, his arms flexing.

“Why do I feel like you just saved my life and then broke my heart?”

My entire self, soul to cells, fractures. Numbness spreads through me—endorphins after pain.

“Look up transference.”

His eyes shutter, face hardening to granite. With a curt nod, he hops off the bench and pulls his pants on.

“I’m sorry.”

The words slip from my lips and tremble in the air. All I can give him. I fracture deeper. Harder. Helpless to do anything but watch as he grabs his hat and glasses off the floor and walks past me.

Pausing at the door, he says softly, “That’s the shittiest part of it. I know you’re sorry. Cowards always are.”

My monster wails and screams, fighting me tooth and nail. But she, too, is a creature of fantasy. She won’t rule me ever again.

“Goodbye, Stirling.”

I flinch at the name.

Then he’s gone.

Nate finds me a few minutes later. I haven’t moved. It isn’t until he gathers me in his arms and starts whispering words of comfort that I realize I’m crying.

“I knelt.”

It takes me four tries to get the words out. They slice off more pieces of me as they go. Soon enough, there’ll be nothing left.

The hand stroking my back stills. He knows exactly what that means. “Then he’s an idiot,” he says finally.

My short laugh rattles with tears. “Not him—me.”

He leans back, showing me wide eyes. “Not possible. Why would you say that?”

“I pushed him away. I thought I was saving him…” I shake my head. “I don’t know anymore. It hurts.”

His expression softens. “You weren’t trying to save him. You tried to save yourself.”

A fresh wave of tears rises. “That, too.”

He smiles sadly and strokes my cheek. “Go easy on yourself. You might be an expert on the heart, but you’ve never been in love before. Welcome to the jungle, Talia.”

Chapter 19

Kieran

“You’re very calm, Kier. It’s weirding me out.”

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