Page 71 of The Dark Before Light

Scalpels.

No one ever saw outward evidence of my inner torment. I was intentional about where I cut and used butterfly sutures to minimize scarring. My mother was disorganized to a fault and never noticed when a scalpel disappeared.

I was lucky. So very lucky. Before my addiction could progress from a weekly ritual to a daily compulsion, my father finally won the argument. The summer before I started at UCLA, I found myself in a therapist’s office.

That therapist not only saved my life but changed the course of it, finishing the job an Irish boy inadvertently started. She gave me a new outlet. A focus that became my life’s vocation.

At twenty-two, I used my savings from working with Charlie for plastic surgery to remove the scars. It was a relatively easy process, the scars themselves minimal due to my obsessive diligence. But even though my inner thighs are smooth now, there’s no surgery invasive enough to erase the marks my claws made as they matured.

If I hadn’t fought so hard to control my monster, would she have cut me so deeply? Would she be cutting me even now, slicing over and over again into my heart?

I don’t blame her. What wild animal doesn’t crave freedom? It’s not her fault she lashes out. I was the one who put her in a cage. Who took away the only thing that mattered to her.

Now, curled on my bed, my body empty and aching, I wonder what would happen if I freed her. If I finally let her have what she’s fought so hard for all these years.

Dreams.

Chapter 21

Kieran

An hour into the flight, Sven drops a thick folder in my lap. “Here’s the light reading you requested. I’m going in back to get some sleep. Don’t wake me up unless this tube is going down.” He pauses. “Actually, don’t bother.”

“Thanks.” I tap a finger on the folder before placing it on the table in front of my seat. “And you’re welcome.”

He scowls. “For what? Making me sit in a car until four a.m., then informing me with psychotic cheerfulness that we’re getting on a plane in two hours?”

I smother a smile. “Not that.” I nod my head back and to the left, where Dylan currently sits reading a novel. His eyes are focused on the book, headphones covering his ears.

Sven’s glare intensifies to nuclear levels even as his bristled cheeks darken. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

I chuckle. “By the way, our usual suite at the hotel was unavailable. You two will be sharing a room. I can’t remember if I requested two beds or not. Guess we’ll find out.”

His face is starting to resemble a beet. “Since when do you book flights and hotels yourself? You have an assistant for that shit.”

“I was going to call Doug, but I thought I’d let him sleep. Since I’m such a great boss.”

“Yeah, you’re a fucking peach.” His voice lowers to a tense whisper. “Is this payback for butting in with Stirling?”

My brows rise. “Of course not. I’m grateful for that. So grateful, in fact, I’m thinking you’ll be the best man in our wedding. And before you start worrying about anyone’s job, I’ve known about you two for months and have zero problems with it. You’ve done an admirable job of being discreet.”

Sven stares at me for a pregnant moment. “Sometimes I forget what a scary sonofabitch you are. Not even Gabe suspects.”

I grin and tap my temple. “Genius, remember?”

He makes a sound of disgust. “Only if genius somehow rhymes with meddlesome little shit. I’m going to sleep. Enjoy violating Stirling’s privacy.”

He stalks toward the bedroom at the back of the plane. Dylan doesn’t look up as he passes, but his fingers tighten around his book.

Poor, lovesick fools.

All three of us.

An attendant slips down the aisle toward me. “Would you like more coffee, Mr. Hayes?”

What I’d like is to take a nap and wake up with Talia sitting on my face, but in the interim… “Please. Thank you, Samantha.”

Once she’s gone, I turn my attention to the folder. On our drive home this morning, I woke up Dylan to tell him to pack a bag for Ireland and to print out the attached files of a certain email. Inside the folder is everything my PI has dug up on Talia, the last update having arrived yesterday. From the thickness of it, he went the extra mile. Given what I’m paying his team every month, I expected nothing less.

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