Page 75 of The Dark Before Light

Sven makes a skeptical noise. “Your face was on the cover of Forbes last year, Kier. It’s not like she didn’t know who you were. Not saying you weren’t memorable at eighteen, but that’s… She was drunk and very young.”

“She was still Talia,” I murmur, my mind half in the conversation and half in a rainy graveyard. “She had an IQ of 150. She memorized my face—I told her my name. God, it seems so obvious now. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her.”

Dylan clears his throat. “Don’t beat yourself up, man. She looks completely different.”

Sven adds, “If she does know you’ve met before, there’s a reason she never said anything.”

Because she wanted to help me.

I think back to that first session. Those long moments when we stared at each other. Had she been waiting to see if I’d recognize her? Had she been relieved? Disappointed? It’s impossible to say. She was a beautiful statue back then. An unsolvable equation.

More memories of the graveyard float to the surface of my mind. Greedy for them, I grab one. Then another.

And suddenly there’s a flood.

“My parents look at me like I was switched at birth. I don’t fit into their pretty, perfect aesthetic. I don’t care about anything they care about, and they don’t care about me. Sometimes I hate them, but most of the time, I just want to be who they want me to be. But I can’t. I’ve tried.”

“I don’t fit anywhere. I’m always on the outside looking in. I don’t have anyone to talk to. Sometimes it feels like I’m watching a movie of everyone else’s lives. I’m separate. Formless. With no life of my own.”

“I feel this pressure inside me. Like there’s a monster trying to get out. Sometimes it hurts so much I can’t breathe.”

“No one talks to me at school except my teachers. Not even the nerds will let me sit with them at lunch. I’m a freak to them. It’s not like I can help the way my brain works! It’s not my fault I remember whatever I read, that I understand stuff.”

“I wish I were normal. I just want to belong, to feel like I’m a part of the world. But I’m scared I never will.”

My heart feels like fire in my chest as the last levels of her puzzle box unlock, the construct unfolding like a lotus flower in my mind. As I knew they would be, her depths are beautiful beyond words.

“I see you,” I whisper. “And you do belong, Birdie. You belong with me.”

Chapter 22

Talia

Tucked in our usual corner at Rhubarb, I sip black tea while Mia nibbles distractedly on avocado toast, her gaze glued to her phone as she reads the article that came out in the LA Times this morning.

“Holy shit,” she says for the fifth time. Unlike the previous instances, however, this time she expounds on it. “I’m at the part where you drop the statistics about how many people have either tried or fantasized about BDSM or admit to having kinks. This is wild. It’s the norm not the exception. Everyone needs to know this.”

“That’s the idea,” I say wryly.

When the journalist, Alicia Reynolds, first emailed me last week, I almost trashed the message. But that was before. Before Crossroads and Kieran and Sven’s text.

I called her early Monday morning. She came to my office that afternoon and grilled me for close to three hours. The result is an article entitled, Meet Dr. Talia Stirling, L.A.’s Most Controversial Therapist.

“I like this journalist,” Mia murmurs. “She did right by you.”

I murmur agreement, keeping to myself that Alicia did right by herself and her community, too. I hadn’t recognized her name, and it took about twenty minutes into the interview for me to realize why she seemed familiar—because when I’d seen her at Crossroads over the years, she was generally blindfolded and wearing a lot less clothing.

I didn’t say anything when I recognized her and outside silently acknowledging the moment with a nod, neither did she. Based on the first few questions she asked, I had no doubts she’d be able to remain professional. In fact, she was brutal. Her very first question was, “Have you ever had sex with a therapy client?”

Thanks to Kieran firing me Saturday night, I didn’t have to lie.

Mia finishes reading and her sparkling eyes meet mine. “I’m so proud of you, Talia.”

I make a face. “Ew.”

Her smile widens. “Get used to it, woman, because this is only the beginning. I can feel it. What are the latest book offers up to?”

My face warms. “A lot.”

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