Page 18 of Raze

I sit alone, with a TV set that doesn’t work, listening to the background noise of everyone around the fire pit having fun. I can’t stop myself from wondering where Raze has gone or if he’s putting himself in danger. He took at least three guns with him in that bag and despite him treating me like I’m a pain in his ass I can’t help worrying about him getting hurt.

Polly shows up to deliver me a plate of her homemade lasagne, a few hours after he left and I decide to try and get some answers.

“Are all the boys out tonight?” I ask casually as I dig into my meal.

“Not all of them.” The look on her face proves that she knows what I’m trying to do.

“Do you know where they’ve gone?” I focus on my plate and try not to sound too much like I care.

“No, and I never ask. That’s kinda the rules around here. Half the time, trust me, you wouldn’t wanna know.”

I nod my head and pretend not to be pissed off by her answer.

“You did a really stupid thing today.” She drops her friendly act and decides to get it off her chest. “Sinner’s dangerous, most things around here are fucking dangerous. The sooner you get your ass back on the road the better.”

“And what if what’s out there is far more of a threat?” I ask, hating how helpless I sound.

“Then God fucking help you.” Polly leaves me to eat alone slamming the porch door closed on her way out.

It’s late when Raze steps back through the door, but I’m still awake, and the sense of comfort I feel when I see him is as surprising as it is unwelcome. I don’t want to catch feelings, especially not at a time like this.

“Had a good night?” I ask him the same question as I did yesterday as I watch him dump the backpack on his bed and head for the refrigerator.

“Not bad.” He takes out a beer and pops the cap before sitting at the table and picking at the label.

“Raze, I want to clear the air between us.” I stand up and go to him, taking the seat beside him. All night it’s been playing on my mind that he’s mad at me, and I have to fix it. I tell myself it’s only because I need to stay here, but it’s a lie. I don’t like how it feels to have him mad at me. I much prefer him when he’s got his arms wrapped around me making me feel safe.

“I’m sorry for not respecting your rules, and I promise it won’t happen again,” I tell him, swallowing my pride for the sake of forgiveness.

He says nothing just keeps his eyes focused on the label he’s picking at.

“Raze. I said I’m sorry.” I reach forward and take both his hands in mine and as I do, I feel him stiffen. His eyes seethe at where we touch and I feel the tension burn through his skin.

“Raze, talk to me.” I sound so needy and pathetic but his silence feels like a punishment, and it’s one I can’t stand.

He continues to look at our hands and slowly shakes his head.

“I’m sorry I fucked up. What do I have to do to make this okay?” I raise my voice and suddenly he scrapes back his chair and stands up.

“Around here if you fuck up, you die.” He points his finger at me furiously. Finally letting all that anger he’s been holding in unleash. “I put that rule in place for your protection and all it took was one little temptation for you to break it.” He makes me jump when he slams his fist at the table in frustration. Now that I’m closer to him I see the blood on his shirt and it makes me even more curious about where he’s been.

“Did you kill someone tonight?” I ask softly as I look up at him. His chest is rising and falling like he’s trying to calm himself down and most people in my position would be afraid, but for some inexplicable reason, I’m not.

“It’s okay you can tell me,” I assure him, standing up and stepping closer. I see the darkness in his eyes even if he refuses to look at me with them.

“I’m not scared.” I lower my tone to a whisper and my words set off a trigger to something I wasn’t expecting. His hand wraps around my throat making me gasp out of fear and shock as he forces me back against one of the rafters.

“Well, you fuckin’ should be. Of everythin’, Peyton. Especially me,” he warns, stealing all the words I want to say back at him out of my mouth when he slams his lips over mine. His fingers grip deeper into my skin as my body softens and I realize this is exactly what I’ve been craving from him. I like the way his tongue invades my mouth and he kisses me like he owns me. It’s raw, it’s rough, and when I can feel the anger penetrating from him I absorb it like a drug. Eventually, he pulls away, his eyes peering into mine like he’s trying to read the thoughts behind them and after a few seconds of us catching our breaths back he releases his grip and storms out the door.

Isit on the sand with my arms resting over my knees, staring out at the ocean and trying to breathe myself back to a calm state of mind but it’s hard when I’m surrounded by memories of all my past mistakes.

“Let’s grab some beers boys, we’ve sure earned it.” Cliff starts leading us toward the clubhouse. It’s been a long run and we’re all tired, but we can sleep tomorrow.

“Raze!” I hear her voice and spin around only just managing to brace myself before she leaps into my arms and kisses every inch of my face.

“I missed you. I missed you so much.” Stacey tugs me in the other direction of the clubhouse toward the room I have at the motel and when Aaron notices I shrug at him and make him laugh.

“Come on. I’ve got something I wanna show you.” She drags me up the stairs to the second floor and has a real excited smile on her face when she opens the door and pulls me inside.

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