Page 19 of Raze

Her eyes gesture to the pamphlet that she has laid on the bed and when I pick it up to check it out she watches me intently.

“So… what do you think?” she asks, the excitement in her voice is electric and she’s practically jumping on her feet.

“It’s a condo,” I point out.

“Yeah, it’s a condo, right on the beachfront. Teresa said you should all get a good cut from your latest run and I know you have some money saved up. We could put a deposit down.” She dances her fingertips across my shoulders.

“Wait, you want us to buy one of these?” I stare back at her, wondering if she’s been smoking something.

“Raze, you’ve been promising me we’ll get out of here for months now. Being part of this club isn’t right for you.” She gives me those judgemental eyes and makes me wish it was all as easy as how she’s making it sound.

Being part of the club is everything that's right for me. Here I can be myself. Without it, I’m just a man who likes to cause pain.

“You’re always telling me you don’t like Cliff’s methods,” she reminds me.

“Will you keep your voice down,” I whisper-yell at her, here I swear the walls are listening and they can fuckin’ talk too.

“Look at you baby, you're always on edge. You're not happy here and that right there is our dream.” She picks up the pamphlet and I look at the woman who gave everything up for me and feel guilty for not being the man she needs. Stacey’s parents are from Beverly Crest and they did not approve of their daughter dating a biker. She’s used to fancy restaurants and pool parties at her mansion, not a room in a scummy motel with a boyfriend who’s hardly ever around.

Being the club enforcer is a busy job, not to mention all the extra work I’ve been putting in with Aaron these days. He’s been prospecting since he was fifteen, and Cliff’s been hard on him, but when he turns eighteen next year, he’s bound to make the cut.

“It’s not just about leavin’ the club, Stacey this place is my main source of income. I ain’t a nine-to-five guy, you know that. And Aaron–”

“Aaron again, are you serious?”

“Stacey, I’m his sponsor, I have a responsibility.”

“You're his sponsor, not his father, Raze. Jesus.” She grips at her hair in frustration.

“Come on, you know how tough he gets it from his old man, Cliff’s got real issues with telling him how good he is, and believe me, he’s good.”

“If he’s so good why not have him keep your dick warm at night,” she points out trying to be clever.

“Don’t be stupid, he’s a good kid and he deserves the chance–”

“The chance you had but never took,” she finishes and stokes the flames of anger in my stomach.

“Yeah, he’s a great fighter, one of the best, and once he’s patched in he can go wherever he wants to go. He’s got a one-way ticket outta this place and I don’t want him to fuck up.”

“You’ve got a one-way ticket too.” She shoves the pamphlet into my chest before she storms into the bathroom and locks the door.

“Women troubles?” Aaron joins me where I’m sitting on a white plastic chair by the empty swimming pool. Sitting on the edge, he dangles his legs over the side and takes the blunt I pass him. I don’t answer his question, as he tokes back on it, I’m too deep in thought.

“I take it she didn’t like the beach hut?” He tilts back his head and blows smoke into the hot sticky air.

“I didn’t get a chance to show her it.” Scrubbing my hand over my face I look up at the stars and wonder where the hell I’m supposed to be headin’ in this life.

“You didn’t show her… Raze, we’ve been working on that for months.”

“Yeah well, Stacey doesn’t want a one-roomed fuckin’ beach hut, Aaron, she wants a fuckin condo,” I snap when I realize that there just ain’t no resolution to this. I’m gonna lose her, she’s gonna go back to her folks, find some rich-assed doctor or lawyer to buy her her condo and I’ll just be a crazy phase in her life that she’ll wanna forget.

I don’t wanna be someone’s phase. I don’t wanna be lonely and miserable like my old man. I wanna be part of someone’s future.

“A condo?” Aaron laughs.

“I made this mistake one night of tellin’ her the thoughts I had.” I check we’re alone before I lower my voice. “The concerns I got about your old man,” Aaron is fully aware of my suspicions, in fact, it was some of the things he’s told me since I became his sponsor that raised them. “Now she’s got it in her head that I want out.”

“And do you?” he questions me with a serious look on his face.

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