Page 31 of Hard To Stay

There was no doubt that she was beginning to break down the wall I had placed around my heart. I could feel it cracking, but instead of letting it fall down I felt a sense of panic that only caused me to build the wall thicker and higher than before. Unable to meet her eyes, I looked away, feeling my walls go back up into place.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“What are you talking about? In case you couldn’t tell, I wanted that.” Her voice was uneven, and I hated myself for letting things get carried away.

I needed to explain this without completely screwing it up. Whatever ‘it’ was. I covered my face with both of my hands and sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t let me hurt you. I let things go too far too fast and that’s on me. I had no business touching you like that. I’m really sorry.”

She jerked her body away from mine, putting some distance between us. Then she quickly sat up and adjusted her tank top without saying a word.

Having that space between us felt wrong.

I rubbed my jaw wishing I could take back the words I’d just said. I was torn between doing what was right and doing what I wanted. God help me, now that I knew her touch, the little sounds she made, and the way she felt beneath me. How the hell was I supposed to just forget all that? I should’ve just said the hell with it and dealt with the consequences later but I knew in my heart what was right.

She turned over and brought the comforter up to her chin “I’m sorry too, Brad, but I’m done. That’s the second time in the last forty-eight hours that you’ve kissed me and regretted it. I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. What I want you to do is to stop playing these mind games with me.”

She tried to sound pissed, but the tremble in her voice was still audible. I didn’t just upset her, I had hurt her. Again.

“You think this is a game to me, that I want to keep hurting you? Whether or not you believe me, you’re the last person I want to hurt.”

“I believe you. I do, but that doesn’t change the fact that’s all you seem to do to me.”

My mouth went flat, but I somehow managed to get the question out. “Tell me what to do so I can make this right?

“Just leave me alone.”

Her words felt like a slap to the face. It was clear that she’d had enough. She turned over, giving me her back after she had said all that was left to say.

I threw myself down on the bed and covered my face with a pillow. I had fucked up again, and I wasn’t sure if I would get another chance this time to make it right.

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