Page 42 of Hard To Stay

Chapter Fifteen

Lexi

Brad pushedthe door open to his apartment as I anxiously walked inside. This was the first time I’d ever been here, which was strange considering how much time we had been spending together lately.

“Can I get you anything?” He asked, dropping my bag down on the floor.

I shook my head and made my way over to the sofa and settled against the warm brown leather sectional. His apartment was much bigger than mine and even though it was sparsely decorated, it still had a touch of personality. I curled up on the couch and brought his New York Giants throw up to my chin. The whole apartment smelled like Brad: warm and musky. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent that had become so familiar to me and let it calm my racing nerves.

The seat next to me dipped, and a glass of water was placed in front of me. He very gently reached out and stroked my knee. “Talk to me.”

I could feel his gaze on me as I stared blankly across the room. I picked up the water and took a long sip hoping it would wash away the lump in the back of my throat. What I really needed was a bottle of wine or two, but it was a little early in the day for that.

“I’m so sorry about all this.”

He sat up and grabbed my chin, forcing me to face him. “If you’re going to sit here and apologize to me, then you might as well be quiet because I don’t want to hear it.”

“Brad, how can I not? This is so unfair to you.”

He brushed his fingers along my bottom lip; his touch was so soothing and comforting. I felt my body instinctively lean into him. “It’s a little late for that don’t you think?”

I leaned back into the couch, breaking our physical contact when all I wanted to do was curl into him and get lost in his touch and his reassuring voice. I wanted him to take away the crippling panic I felt and bring me back to this morning before we ran into Colton. I wished we could have a do over so I wouldn’t have to deal with this nightmare anymore.

“You don’t understand what you’re signing yourself up for. This is utter bullshit and you know it. He’s not going to stop until he gets what he wants.”

My head hurt and my eyes burned. I was no closer to escaping my past than I was the day I had left Georgia. It had been four months, and I was really no closer to being completely free of that asshole. Reality came knocking on my damn door this morning with an all too familiar reminder that happiness was meant to elude me. I swear I was being punished for something I did in my prior life and this was my penance from God himself. Some sort of cosmic payback—for what I still wasn’t sure. Did anyone really deserve this kind of torment?

“Sweetheart.” He said softly, “I’ve already crossed that line, I care about you A LOT, and if you think I’m just going to sit back and let him terrorize you, then you don’t know me very well.”

I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve this man, but I’d never been more thankful for anything in my entire life. He’d been my one constant. My rock. The only one to stand by my side and never let me down. I’d spent so many years fighting to survive that it felt so damn good to have someone actually fight for me, for once.

“Brad, I appreciate that. I really do, but you have no idea how dangerous he is. You’ve put yourself in the middle of this and now he’s going to come after you.”

His hands reassuringly squeezed mine. “I know exactly what I’m doing, and I don’t care how much trouble he causes. You’re stuck with me so you might as well get used to it. I’m not going anywhere. This is our fight now.”

I shook my head in disbelief. God, this man was crazy. But I couldn’t help but wish with my whole heart that I had met him first. Brad was my only ray of sunlight throughout this stormy nightmare. He had filled me with so much hope over the past few weeks, but it was fading fast. Colton’s visit reminded me that this was my real life.

“Brad, I need to tell you a few things. After I’m done, you can decide if you still want to move forward with me.” He tried to cut me off, but I held my hand up. “Please let me get this out while I still have the courage to say it.”

He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. I stood up and started to walk across the room. I needed to put a little distance between us. Being so close to him messed with my head, making it difficult to think straight. This conversation was too important, and I needed to get everything off my chest. If he still wanted to be with me after all this, then that would be his choice. But I couldn’t allow him to make that decision without knowing everything. I didn’t want to live with any more regrets or what ifs.

I walked over to the window, turned my back to him and started pacing a small path across his living room.

“Colton and I met when we were teenagers. We became fast friends and had a lot in common. It didn’t take long for that friendship to turn into something more. My family adored him…” I swallowed hard. “That’s why when the abuse started it was hard to recognize.”

I sucked in a breath as memories flashed before my eyes.

“It started out small; he would get jealous and question me about where I was going and who I was with. When I was away at college, he practically forbade me from having any kind of social life that didn’t include him. It became hard for me to make friends, and I know it sounds silly when I say this, but he eventually convinced me to quit school and move back home. I gave everything up thinking things would eventually get better, but they never did.” I wiped a tear from my cheek and looked off into the distance. I didn’t want him to see the shame I felt. “Things only ended up getting worse. Within months, the emotional abuse turned physical.”

“It started out with a grab here, a push there, then a shove, and finally a hit. I started to notice things going missing, like my credit cards, for instance.” I shook my head. “Contacts would be deleted from my phone; my passwords would suddenly change without me changing them. He would hide my birth control pills and force me to have unprotected sex. I was afraid to say no.”

Brad rose to his feet and moved quickly across the room. I felt his large body press up against mine. This conversation was a heavy reminder of all I’d had to endure and all that I’d left behind. I leaned back into his arms and focused on the sunrays that had found their way through the blinds, warming my face. I sucked in a breath and I tried to push all those painful memories aside, so I could finish.

“I was working a fundraiser on his father’s campaign when I met a local volunteer. He was around my age and we really hit it off. Colton wasn’t all that happy about my new friendship and when I got home that night he made sure to let me know how upset he was.”

My eyes fluttered closed at the memory of what had happened next. “He was drunk and I should have known better, but I still tried to break-up with him. That ended up being a big mistake because something inside him snapped. We had gotten into plenty of fights before. But that night, he was more agitated, more out of control. When I tried to leave, he threw me down on the bed and forced himself on me.”

Brad’s hands tensed on my arms. I turned to look at him; it felt like my heart was flipping around inside my chest. He gripped the back of his neck and looked up at the ceiling with a wild look in his eyes.

“I’m going to fucking kill him.” His voice was thick with rage. He looked about ready to blow up a building. I could only imagine the things he was thinking about doing to Colton. “I mean it, Lexi, I’m going to end his sorry ass.”

“Please, let me finish.” I sighed, tipping my head down. “I knew I had to get away from him, but I also knew he wasn’t going to let me go without a fight. I planned my escape for weeks. The day I left, I stopped by my parents’ house to pick up my birth certificate and social security card. They were out of town and I never told them I was leaving or where I was going. Our relationship was strained because they refused to see the truth when I tried to tell them that Colton wasn’t the man that they thought he was.” I clutched my shirt as if it would somehow stop the frantic beating. “My sister was home that day, and I felt guilty about not saying goodbye. When I went upstairs and opened her bedroom door, I walked in on her and Colton having sex. Talk about a betrayal. He was cheating on me with my own damn sister!”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Lexi!” Brad said, raking his hand down his face. “Sweetheart, listen to me, okay? I deal with this kind of shit every day. I see things that no one should ever have to see. I’m saying all that, because based on what you just told me...” he blew out a deep breath. “God, Lexi, you are the strongest, most resilient person I have ever met. What he did to you, the pain he caused you….” His words trailed off. The level of emotion in his eyes made me realize that I was in deep with this man. He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “It takes a strong soul to endure so much and still make it through to the other side. You’ve crawled your way through the darkness and back into the light. I promise you that I’m going to take away all those nightmares and turn them into dreams. You’re a part of my life now. There is nothing I won’t do for you. I won’t allow anyone to ever hurt you again.”

A wave of fresh tears hit my eyes. I literally let myself fall into his arms. My cheek rested against his heart, the soothing beat put me at ease immediately.

Somewhere along the way, I’d let him slip through the cracks. He was breaking through an emotional door that had been locked for years. But after today, I would have gladly handed him the key if he’d asked.

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