Page 46 of Hard To Stay

Chapter Seventeen

Lexi

The car rideback to Brad’s apartment was filled with awkward silence. Every so often I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, noticing how tightly he gripped the steering wheel. He seemed cagey, worked up, and completely withdrawn. It confused the hell out of me.

His current mood obviously had something to do with his conversation with that woman at the restaurant. There was no other explanation for it. I remembered him telling me that their relationship was nothing serious. So, if that was the case then why the heck was he acting so weird?

My head rested against the window, my vision blurred with unshed tears. I reached inside my purse and pulled out my phone in a futile attempt to distract myself. My hands shook as I punched in my password to unlock my home screen. I struggled three different times trying to remember the four-digit password that I knew by heart.

Sitting back in my seat, my eyes grazed over the press release that was incomplete. One of my models had a launch tomorrow with a big-name cologne manufacturer. The draft that our PR department had drawn up wasn’t finished and the person in charge was going out on maternity leave. I shook my head and tried to distract myself by looking over my calendar. I was desperate and would have done anything to avoid the uncomfortable silence. His sullen mood had me second-guessing everything. After a few more wasted minutes, I let out a heavy sigh and finally gave up fiddling with my phone. He obviously needed space, so that’s exactly what I planned to give him.

“If you’re not going to talk to me, then maybe it would be best if you just took me back to my apartment.” I uttered, trying to leave the emotion out of my voice. I was so confused, but his silence hurt and it was getting late. I had an early meeting tomorrow and plenty of stuff to do.

His head snapped to mine. “What the hell?” He blinked at me like I was crazy. “Why would I do that?”

I pursed my lips. I didn’t want to sound jealous or insecure but really what other conclusion was there for me to draw? He left me with no other choice but to think it had something to do with her.

“You obviously have a lot on your mind and I don’t want to be in your way while you try to sort it all out.”

He scoffed at me before he pressed the brake to the floor, causing us to come to a screeching stop at the red light in front of us. He swung his head back to mine. “You think this is about Samantha, don’t you?”

I had to look away from him so he wouldn’t see the hurt in my eyes. “It’s fine.”

“Fuck! I’m such an idiot.” He mumbled, as he slammed on the gas so hard that my head flew back and hit the headrest.

We were getting closer to his building, and I silently thanked God because I so wanted out of this car.

Brad kept one hand on the steering wheel and surprised me when he reached for mine with his other. He rested his arm on the console between us and laced our fingers together. The tension in my body softened. I didn’t realize how much I needed his touch until his strong calloused hands began to stoke mine gently. “I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and for allowing you to think it was because of her.”

His words confused me because they didn’t match the agitated man riding next to me. “It’s okay.” I said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, hoping not to upset him any further.

His tone was soft when he spoke. “No. It’s not okay, because this has nothing to do with her. But during our conversation I realized something, and it freaked me out a little.”

I turned my head to look at him. He was so focused on the taillights in front of us as he maneuvered his way in and out of the heavy traffic. He tried to appear calm, but I sensed that was mostly for my benefit. The muscles in his jaw pulsed, reminding me that whatever was on his mind, it was weighing him down. I had a sinking feeling that we were headed towards a very heavy conversation for which I was not the slightest bit prepared.

After a few minutes that seemed more like hours, Brad finally let out a breath. “Can we talk more about this when we get home? Because I really want to explain something and give you my full attention.”

All I heard was the word ‘home’. It was a simple word, but the way he used it hit me in the chest. He acted like it was ‘our’ home and I quickly had to remind myself that this was only a temporary arrangement. I had my own apartment, one I would return to once Colton was out of the picture. What would happen then? When Colton was no longer a threat?

“Okay.” I squirmed in my seat and tried to bury my gaze in my lap. That sick feeling still twisted in my stomach as I nervously tried to get my body to relax.

Once we stepped inside Brad’s apartment, I stood there unsure of what to do. He walked over to the kitchen and placed his keys and badge on the counter. My stare landed on his back as he hunched his shoulders forward. He was only a few inches away, but it felt like we were miles apart. Panic crept though me, and the first thing I thought was that Brad was going to break up with me. I sucked in a deep breath and then released it. If he was going to end things I wanted to just get it over with.

“Brad, talk to me.”

He turned and what I saw in his eyes had left me at a loss for words. His intense gaze seared through my body like nothing I’d ever felt before. He looked at me like I was absolutely everything. He moved purposefully towards me and what he said was not what I was expecting.

“Samantha asked me what it was about you that was so different? Why you were so special.” His deep voice went straight to my core, making my legs go weak. “Opening my heart up again was never a part of my plan, but I realize now that I never stood a chance against you.”

My heart started to pound erratically in my chest. He slid his arms around me and placed his hands along my curves, gripping them tightly. “I was locked up tight then you walked into my life.” He placed his face in my neck and dropped a kiss there. “The way you make me feel makes me wonder if I ever really felt this way before.” He stared at me for a beat, checking for my reaction. My mind went back to our conversation in the car and how weird he had acted. Did I completely misread the situation? I didn’t want to risk being wrong, but I had to know.

“Brad, what are you saying?”

He gave me a soft grin. It was that same damn grin that shook my already fragile heart. It was so dangerous that it should have come with a warning.

“I hate comparing you to Emily. I don’t want to diminish what I had with her because I did love her.” His movements stopped, and I was rewarded with a soft smile. The kind that was so beautiful you could never get tired of staring at it. For the first time since we left the restaurant I could breathe comfortably. “I’ve come to realize that what I feel for you doesn’t even compare. I love you, Lexi.”

Little tiny explosions hit my guarded heart causing everything in my world to shift.

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