Page 74 of Hard To Stay

I jumped off the couch in a panic. Fear took over in my chest. “Over my dead body you are!” There was no way I was letting her leave. Losing Emily was one of the worst experiences of my life. Losing Lexi would end me. Gut me completely. I would not be able to bounce back from that.

“Everything with you is too complicated right now. I hate it here. I hate the city noise, the street smells, and the brutal traffic. Most of all I hate feeling there is a part of your heart I will never be able to get to. I don’t feel like I belong here anymore. I want to go back home.”

“First of all, you are my fucking home.” I was so confused. I didn’t even know where to start. I wanted to shake her, get some kind of reaction out of her. I had so much anger eating away at me that I didn’t know what to do with it.

“I’ve made up my mind and there’s nothing you can do to change it, I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Everything inside me rattled. My entire life was falling apart right before my eyes. The idea of her walking out that door gripped me with a fear like I’d never felt before. All I wanted to do was reach out to her and pretend this wasn’t happening.

“Lexi, I don’t know what happened while I was gone, but we need to slow down and talk this through.”

She shook her head, keeping her eyes closed. I felt like I was drowning. Like I couldn’t breathe. I spun her around and grabbed onto her shoulders. “You are everything to me. If you walk out that door, you will be taking the other half of my soul with you. Please don’t leave me. You have my heart, Lexi. Only you. If I somehow made you feel differently, I’m sorry. I love you more than anyone or anything, EVER.” My voice vibrated through my small living room.

Her small shoulders slumped forward. I used my thumb to brush the tears off her face. She instinctively leaned into my touch. I took that opportunity and pressed my lips against hers. I tried to kiss away the salty tears, tried to show her how much I loved her. I poured all my hurt, anger and love into our kiss. I was giving it everything I had. She was my entire world. I couldn’t lose her. She was mine. She would always be mine. I gave my heart away once, only to have it returned. This time around, I wasn’t taking it back. I would convince her to stay, no matter what. We would find a way to get through this.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.”

When our eyes connected, the conviction I saw shattered whatever hope I had. She stood up and started to walk towards her packed bags. I couldn’t breathe and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop her. I stood and stumbled backwards; it was like déjà vu all over again. Pain slammed into me almost knocking me on my ass. I did not see this coming. Not from her. At least with Emily, as much as the truth hurt, I knew why. I had an explanation. With Lexi, none of this made sense. We wanted the same things. We felt the same things. We were happy; we’d talked on the phone countless times while I was away. Not once did she let on that she wasn’t happy. She had plenty of opportunities to tell me how she felt; she’d led me to believe that everything was fine. How did everything unravel so quickly?

I scrubbed my hands down my face, barely able to take a breath. “I don’t know what happened while I was gone, but something isn’t right. You know how I feel about you. You know Emily is in my past. You knew I was a cop the second you met me.” Anger shot through me causing a hot fury to take control of my body. “How the fuck could you do this to me?” She gasped, throwing her hand over her mouth while I continued. “You fucking lied to me. You don’t love me because if you did you wouldn’t be doing this to me.”

“It’s not you. Can’t you see that? It’s me. I’m the one with the issue. Not you.”

A bitter laugh escaped me. “Well, at least we agree on something.”

Lexi stood there, eyes wide, tears overflowing. Her hiccupped sobs ripped me to shreds. I wanted so badly to pull her into my arms and never let her go, but she didn’t want me. And that hurt like a bitch.

“You know, I won’t be able to protect you in Georgia.” I said, desperately grabbing at straws.

“I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m not your responsibility anymore.”

My head slanted to the side, and I narrowed my eyes. “What about Colton?”

Something wasn’t adding up. No, fuck that, none of this shit added up, and it had his name written all over it. I wasn’t stupid, and my profession granted my ability to smell bullshit from a mile away. And this fucking stunk. I felt like I was downwind from a dairy farm.

Her face twisted with something unrecognizable, but in my heart, I knew. I just knew.

She ran her hands nervously down the front of her black skinny jeans. “I had a long talk with my father and he assured me that Colton won’t be an issue.”

“Hold up.” I threw my hand out, needing a second to wrap my head around this. My eyes scanned her face; there was something different about her. Almost clinical. She seemed too determined and unwavering with her decision to end things between us.

“You told me that your parents didn’t believe you. That was the whole reason why you ran away in the first place.”

She twisted her hands in front of her, spinning her silver pinky ring around on her finger. I focused on that movement. It told me that she was nervous, it was the first sign of doubt I’d seen from her since I’d walked through the damn door.

“I told my dad everything. The controlling behaviors, the threats, the abuse. He felt guilty and wants the chance to make it up to me. He said he would do everything in his power to protect me and I believe him.”

I crossed my arms. “And how exactly is he going to be able to assure that?” I wasn’t buying it. That nagging feeling of doubt edged its way into my brain. There was no way I could ignore it.

She looked down to the floor, then lifted her gaze to mine. “He spoke to Colton’s father. The last thing Mr. Hunt wants is a scandal, especially with the upcoming election. He promised to cut Colton off from his trust fund if he even so much as breathed near me. You don’t need to worry. My nightmare with Colton is over.”

And, apparently so, was our fucking relationship.

“You could have had this conversation with your father months ago. You said he didn’t believe you. Why now?”

“I guess it took my leaving for him to finally see how serious things were. He had no idea how bad it was, but he knows now.” She looked down and shifted on her feet. “I’m so sorry that I had to hurt you.” She lifted her blue eyes to mine. “I really do love you.”

“Just not enough to stay.” I spat out. I was furious and so conflicted. Because as mad as I was, all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and convince her not to leave. I felt my eyes burn as she walked towards the door. I frantically looked around the room. This felt too permanent. It didn’t feel right. She loved me, I knew she loved me.

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