Dean laid my head back down on his chest, not saying a thing.
It felt wrong, and I didn’t know what to do. Were they actually being serious?
“Okay, let’s put it this way,” Ryder started when he could see how conflicted I was. “Did you enjoy having an orgasm?”
When I didn’t respond immediately, he raised an eyebrow and waited.
“Yes.” I barely stopped myself from rolling my eyes. It really wasn’t the time and yet my inner child was practically begging me to do it, anyway.
“Okay, and today has been a long and tiring day, on top of many other long and tiring days?”
“Yes?” I wasn’t entirely sure that one was a question, but I was seeing where this was going.
“So maybe, just maybe, you might want to rest. You might want to curl up in bed with your mates after having an amazing, mind-blowing, world-altering orgasm, and relax. Perhaps sleep. Because we’re heading towards something even scarier than anything we’ve stood against, and it’s okay to just be together without there having to be sex involved as well.”
I grinned at how this beautiful man somehow found a way to compliment himself in that speech.
But was it actually okay for me to just snuggle up with them and go to sleep right now? I’d felt the evidence of how much Dean wanted to do more.
I glanced up at him, only to find him with his eyes closed, like he was dozing happily.
“You’re thinking too loud,” he grumbled, hugging me closer.
I wanted to argue. A part of me thought that this wasn’t fair to them. But then there was that small voice inside that wondered if maybe this was okay. That I should accept them at their word. I could feel them through the bond. I could feel how happy and content they were right now. They just wanted to take care of me. I hadn’t had that for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like. Or rather, I had it and I fought it so hard that I was blind to it all.
These men surprised me every day and in so many ways, but most of all, I surprised myself. I’d almost given up hope of a life with people surrounding me. Alone had always felt safer. But every day with my mates was showing me that there was so much more to life than being alone.
I closed my eyes and finally let the feeling of sleep sweep over me. Ryder snuggled in closer to me and Dean grumbled happily as he did, reaching over and making sure we were all tucked in under the covers still. The alpha was happy to have his pack close by and I couldn’t agree more. We just needed the others to come and join us as well.
Chapter 41
Alyssa
Standing at the railing of the ship, I watched the shoreline slowly growing closer, wishing we were heading in completely the other direction. It wasn’t the first time I’d wondered if it was time to accept that Nymeria was lost? Maybe we should turn to the seas and look for a new land where the fae could start again. It would be no use, though. Arik would only come after them. I knew he would. He’d never let them go so easily. How else would he fuel his armies?
Fizzle landed on the railing beside me with a grace that shouldn’t have been possible when the ship was rocking like it was.
“Are you ready?” he asked, his gaze moving to the ever approaching land as well.
I thought about it for a moment. Was I? I seemed to have accepted that this was what had to happen. It was the next logical step. Being ready to take it was a luxury I didn’t really have.
“I think we’re past the time of getting ready to fight,” I told him wryly. “If you’re asking me if I’m strong enough, then I’ll admit I don’t really know.”
“I know I’m hard on you, Alyssandra, but you can do this. I’ve seen how far you’ve come, and I know you have so much more inside you.”
It meant a lot to have someone like Fizzle believe in me. I knew it bugged the guys that he seemed like my harshest critic at times. But honestly, it had never bothered me. I liked that he didn’t bother with the bullshit most people did. What you saw with Fizzle was what you got, and because of that, he’d made me stronger. He’d helped me see the world in a light I wouldn’t have managed on my own. One that cut through to the truth and didn’t account for the warm, fuzzy facade that most people seemed to prefer.
“Breaking his connection with the Endless isn’t the problem. I know I can do it. My magic does most of it of its own volition. As soon as I find the connection and my magic makes contact, it almost takes over, flooding it until it breaks. I’m more worried about surviving the loss of that much power. We don’t know exactly how many Endless we’re going to face, but we know it will be a lot. Not to mention, there could be others experiencing something similar. I don’t have the court’s magic to fall back on this time. This has to be all me, and I don’t know if I have enough inside me to do it and walk away after.”
Fizzle sighed, and it was the note of impatience in his tone that strangely had me finding some hope. This was what I was talking about. There wouldn’t be any fluffy speech about how he had faith in me. He’d cut through the crap and give it to me straight. And that type of unwavering confidence was worth so much more than weak platitudes and compliments.
“I had thought you would have the brains to work this out for yourself,” Fizzle said, shaking his head.
Okay, that wasn’t quite what I’d been expecting. The need to ask him to explain was so strong, it almost burned, but I knew Fizzle well enough to know that wasn’t the right way to go about this. It had to have something to do with this ridiculous prophecy, and getting annoyed and demanding answers from him would only result in him closing himself off. So, even though it was physically painful to do, my only option was to wait in silence until he got impatient enough to tell me what he meant.
I could play the Fizzle game. I just didn’t enjoy it as much as he did.
“Tell me about your bond,” Fizzle finally said, and I glanced at him out of the side of my eye, not entirely sure where this was going. “What comes through it?”