Page 96 of Renegade Kings

Something had changed back in the forest. I’d been able to push to the surface after being smothered by the fog in my mind, an unwilling passenger watching the horror of what that worm could make my body do.

But now I had control. And every time I pushed to the front of my mind, it lasted a little longer. The fog seemed a little clearer and I could actually think.

I was under no illusions that I’d gotten stronger. If anything, I’d been slowly wasting away, dissipating into that fog, and I’d fucking wanted to. At least then I wouldn’t have to watch as I drove that blade into my brother’s side. I wouldn’t have to see all the blood that stained my hands or the faces of the lives I’d taken.

It was one of Arik’s favourite games, watching his puppet tear apart the victims he sat in front of me. Arik had delighted in telling me how the stains on my soul would keep her away from me. How she’d never be able to accept a monster standing at her side.

He was right about the stains, but it was me that couldn’t accept them.

I knew he was talking about her.

Alyssa.

It was all he ever seemed to talk about. Everything he did, every move he made, it all came down to some plan he had for her. His obsession with the woman my brothers had at their side was unlike anything I’d ever seen before.

Mate, the nightmare whispered inside my mind, and I fought with everything I had to push him deeper into the fog of its own creation.

The footsteps stopped outside of my cage, and I fought the urge to curl tighter into a ball on the ground. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep. If I did, I didn’t know who would have control when I awoke, and I needed these waking moments to come up with a plan. Not a plan to get out of here. Not really.

I needed a plan to free them. To free them of me. And if I was honest, I needed to free myself as well, and this was the only way. The only way to atone, the only way to save them all.

“Damon?” Her whispered voice seemed to echo around the ship’s hold, and strangely, it was the only one that would have made me look up.

And I did.

I couldn’t help myself.

I wanted to tell myself it was nothing. Curiosity, maybe, about the woman who had either driven Arik to madness or had just been unfortunate enough to catch his attention.

Even in this dank hole of a place, she shone. She radiated a peace I’d never seen in another before.

My brothers stood behind her with the man who kept watch from the shadows. I could see the concern on their faces, and it sickened me. I didn’t deserve it. Didn’t they see that? I’d failed everyone. They needed to let me go.

“Why haven’t you killed me yet?” My voice croaked from the need for water, but I refused to drink any. Punishing myself was apparently my favourite form of torture right now.

“Because your brothers love you enough to want to save you. Because you deserve to be saved,” she told me softly.

“You don’t know me. How do you know what I deserve?” I shuffled to a sitting position, leaning against the ship’s wooden wall to stay as far away from the intriguing woman in front of me as possible.

I could see why she’d inspire an obsession in every man that crossed her path.

As she cocked her head to the side and looked at me, I found myself wanting to shuffle closer. Wanting to reach out and touch her creamy white skin, to trail my fingers through the long golden hair that fell around her shoulders.

Maybe in a different life.

Maybe when I’d once been deserving.

“Why would you think you don’t?” she asked, instead of answering.

It was a tactic that usually drove me mad. Answering a question with a question reminded me of the school counsellors who thought they could save the world but, in actuality, caused nothing but more strife in my young life.

Yet, with her, it seemed so genuine. Almost as if she actually couldn’t believe that I was worth the condemnation I’d assigned myself.

Instead of answering her question, I shook my head. I knew the fate I deserved, and I didn’t need someone to convince me otherwise.

“Where are we going?” I asked instead, looking around at the wooden interior of a ship I’d never have thought I’d find myself on.

Everything about this world felt so strange and yet so familiar all at the same time. But a beautiful version of hell burned all the same, and I’d been lost to the flames as soon as I stepped foot through that portal.

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