Page 72 of The Break-Up Pact

Dylan leans against the desk, nudging the swivel chair with his foot. “Why didn’t you say anything? You were just going to pack up all of this and haul it yourself?” He gestures at his chest, clad in a shirt Mateo got for him that says LIFT OR LIFT NOT, THERE IS NO TRY.

I rip off a piece of bar with my back teeth, priming my body for the confusion of something with a nutrient in it. “I was, I just—wanted to get the ball rolling.”

“Or you were avoiding us.”

I blink, awake enough to recognize that this is the second time in a minute that Dylan has called me out. He has every right to, but I’m so unused to it that it feels like watching a puppy learn to bark.

“Or that,” I admit. I let loose a breath. “I’m sorry. Everything just kind of exploded. I already felt terrible about lying to you and Mateo about everything with Levi, and we hadn’t even gotten to that yet.”

Dylan starts fiddling with the desk drawer, unable to keep still to save his own life. “June, no offense to you guys or your delicious Revenge Ex scone, but neither of us care about you guys lying about dating.”

I search his face. “You seemed really excited about the idea of it is all,” I say, the words sounding silly now that I’m actually articulating them. Maybe it wasn’t that I didn’t want Dylan to know that we were lying. Maybe even then some part of me was hoping it wasn’t a lie, and Dylan believing in it made it feel true.

“Yeah, of course I was,” says Dylan. “I’ve missed the hell out of you both.”

We both go still at that. I glance down at my crumb-filled lap, feeling the shame tinge my cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “It’s partially my fault Levi stayed away for so long.”

Dylan waves a hand at that, and I wonder for the first time how much he knew about the situation. Growing up, I always felt like a buffer between Annie and Dylan—it was often me and Annie or me and Dylan or all three of us, but never just the two of them. It occurs to me how much that might have shifted, with me gone for all that time. I feel a sharp guilt that I’ve never really asked.

“I’m not worried about Levi. It’s just that—I’ve really, really missed you.” He stares at his sneakers, his jaw tense in a way I rarely see it. Dylan may be a blunt guy, but he doesn’t often go this deep. “I know you’ve been back. And I know we hang out once a week. But even then, it’s like—sometimes you get so wrapped up in trying to do everything on your own that you forget that I’m right here.”

I hear the words he’s not quite saying, the ones that would strike deeper than Dylan’s willing to go—that I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to get along without Annie that I’ve taken Dylan for granted. Dylan, who is still right here. Dylan, who is the only person who lost exactly what I lost, whose grief is the closest shape to mine.

It’s been nearly two years since I’ve been back, and I’m realizing this is one of the first sit-down, serious conversations we’ve had together. Maybe it isn’t that Dylan is suddenly someone who doesn’t mind calling me out. Maybe it’s that Dylan’s been changing, too, and I’ve just been so distracted by things in the periphery that I missed it happening right in front of my eyes.

“I mean, this whole thing with you and Levi planning the wedding—I was really hoping it would be a chance for all of us to hang out more,” says Dylan. “And I know we’ve all been busy, so that’s my fault, too. But what I’m saying is I want us to be able to be a part of everything in each other’s lives. The messy stuff, too. Like Tea Tide. Or whatever the heck is going on between you and Levi.”

I reach out and put a hand on his knee. It’s strange. My whole life, Dylan was my little brother, and that made me and Annie his keepers. But in the same way a lot of things have been shifting lately, I feel something else move out from under us. The dynamic between us isn’t little brother and older sister so much anymore. It’s grown-up siblings who can depend on each other equally. Be each other’s keepers.

“I like the idea of that,” I say with a soft smile.

Dylan smiles back and nods, a little misty-eyed. He shakes it off just as fast, with the relief of someone who did what they came to do and is satisfied with the results.

“Speaking of Levi, have you heard from him at all?” he asks.

I glance at my phone. “Yeah. We’re texting back and forth while he takes care of the move.”

“Yeah, us too,” says Dylan. He frowns. “Although the other day all he sent me was a random picture of some painting of the city he and Kelly were deciding who should keep, with a bed emoji and a question mark.”

I try and fail to hold in a snort. “That sounds about right.”

He nudges my chair with his foot again. “I haven’t really asked him, but is everything okay between you guys?”

I nod. “There are just a lot of balls up in the air right now,” I say. “But nobody’s going to have another ten-year stalemate of silence, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Dylan grins. “Mostly just wanted to know if you’re going to be able pose for the cameras without one of you tripping the other on my wedding day.”

I tilt my chin, leveling him with my eyes. “Dylan Hart, I promise you that your wedding day is going to be the best damn party Benson Beach has ever seen. Hell, if we play our cards right, Levi and I might very well have a future in a joint wedding planning company.”

Dylan’s grin softens. “I already know the day’s going to go well. All the people I love are going to be there.”

My eyes well with tears. “You are a big sap, little bro.”

He perks up. “A big sap with big muscles,” he reminds me, gesturing at the half-full boxes strewn around the back. “Let me help with this.”

For so long, Tea Tide has felt like my responsibility alone that it only seems natural to try to wave him off. But it’s becoming clear to me that the issues with Tea Tide weren’t just that it was at a standstill. I also didn’t make much of an effort to ask anyone for help. Not just my family, but people like Cassie or Nancy, who might have connected me to other small business owners in the area. I’ve been treating Tea Tide like an island, but it is quite literally on a very crowded shore. One that’s full of people who are on my team.

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