Page 117 of The Unraveling

So, this is it. I have nothing to lose. This rehearsal could be my only chance to dance Manon.

We’re called to the stage. I’m determined to give it my all.

I start the first act slow and steady. I’m young and naïve like Manon, excited for the future and falling in love with Des Grieux, played by Luca. Our first pas de deux is amazing. It’s miles away from the first rehearsal almost four weeks ago. We’re connected deeply. I have a personal fondness for him, just like everyone does; it’s not a physical attraction, but it works to serve as chemistry for our characters.

Luca can see in my eyes this is going to be different, and I can see in his that he’s ready for it. We move as one.

Manon and Des Grieux are in love, and yet she is swayed by the allure of money. When her brother gets her alone, he presents a wealthy gentleman who gifts her ridiculous jewels. I almost laugh out loud at the mirroring of my life in this moment, and it comes across in my performance of Manon’s pure giddiness at being swept off her feet and taken away.

The first act ends with Manon becoming the mistress of the wealthy gentleman, leaving behind her love, Des Grieux.

We take a ten-minute break here and everyone is very happy with Luca and me so far. It can be hard to tell with ten staff members watching and writing notes and an even more critical audience of about forty dancers watching from the wings. A few dancers from the first act receive notes in the break, but not me. I catch Isabella’s eye as I grab my water. She gives me an encouraging smile. I realize with a start that Charlie is there. Despite what Kiki said. He’s very much in the building, and he’s watching.

His expression is unreadable.

I turn away. Now is not the time to focus on them. It’s my time.

Act two begins and we fly through it. This act is, by far, the most fun.

It’s set in a brothel and the dancers go wild. Honestly, it’s because they finally get to act onstage how they act offstage.

Manon arrives at the brothel with her patron, and they capture everyone’s attention. He has transformed her into an elegant woman. She is no longer the naïve young girl from the first act. She is mature, sophisticated, worldly.

Until she sees Des Grieux.

Luca has this character down perfectly. Playful, authentic, genuine.

Des Grieux ruffles her hair and in doing so, he reminds Manon of her young, innocent self. He actually cares for her.

The act ends with them trying to run away together and instead, Manon is arrested and accused of being a prostitute by the wealthy gentleman she dumped. She and Des Grieux are sent on a boat to what was, at this time in history, the French territory of Louisiana.

When this act ends I am confident. I don’t even look to the front of the room. I know I’m killing it.

This final act, though. This is the one to make or break the ballet. This is Manon’s death scene. Done poorly, it makes the entire show feel like a melodrama. Done well, it’s a devastating tragedy.

—

Luca comes over to me in the wings. “God, you are incredible tonight.”

I smile, feeling my own sense of loss as I prepare to say goodbye to the role. “You too.”

He smiles back, then squeezes my hand. “You ready?”

I look up at him. We hold eye contact for an extra beat, then I say, “Yes.”

He comes close to me and whispers, “I’m here so that you can fly. You’ve got this.”

Tears brim in my eyes and I give him a quick kiss on the cheek before we go out.

Here we go.

The final pas de deux is here. The ending of the ballet.

Des Grieux has just rescued Manon from the jailer who was raping her. He kills him to protect Manon. And now they are lost in the swamps. Luca gently pulls me up from the ground. I face him and slowly rise en pointe. He holds my waist firmly with one hand and my chin with the other.

The music slowly builds with a cello’s slow, low note held for several measures. It releases into two quick pizzicato notes. My head falls back as the music crashes into the banging of the timpani and the clanging of the cymbals.

Manon has a disease from the journey. If Des Grieux can just get her out of the swamps, he feels he can save her.

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