Page 73 of The Unraveling

I was waiting to lose my virginity for the right time, the perfect time. But it’s never the perfect time. We didn’t have access to hotel rooms or peaceful, private places where we could do it romantically like a movie. In theory, the night I went over to his house and he played piano would have been the perfect time. But we hadn’t been together long enough then. I wasn’t ready.

I turned the final corner toward the park where we’d decided to meet. It was romantic, with weeping willows and long grass, a few benches there along the brick pathway. There was a fountain of a little girl pouring out a bucket of water that was constantly running.

I found him just where he’d promised to be, and when he saw me, his face broke into a smile. He was the only person I knew who had perfect teeth without braces. He also didn’t seem to get pimples and his face was always clear and perfect.

“Hi,” I said, slowing my pace when I got close. Suddenly, I was bashful.

“Hi,” he said, taking his hands out of his pockets. “Come here.”

I beamed and then ran to him, jumping into his arms and throwing my own around his neck. We kissed once, twice, then again, then more urgently. There was a desperation in our touch, his hands on my back, my legs tightening around his hips.

“I want to,” I whispered into his ear.

“You want to…”

I nodded. He knew what I meant. We’d been talking about it forever.

He looked up at me and then ran his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear and then letting me back down to the ground. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m sure.”

I took off my backpack, set it on the bench, and then pulled out a blanket.

I held it up and laughed. “You’re always teasing me for being unprepared, but I am this time.”

“Do you have a condom?” he asked.

Disappointment welled in me as I said, “Oh, no.”

He smiled. “It’s okay, I have one.”

“You do?”

“I always do. Just in case.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t have time to do much more, because his hands were on me again, his lips on mine. Barely disconnecting from one another, we laid out the blanket and spread it on the grass. The water from the fountain streamed and the sound of the bugs was even louder here, since there was so much greenery.

Despite the heat, I was shaking, especially my legs, which felt like Jell-O.

I lay on my back and he was above me, kissing me for a moment before saying, “You’re sure you’re sure, right?”

“I promise.”

I don’t know what I expected, I guess a little more ceremony or something, because the next thing I knew, he had taken off my shoes, socks, and jean shorts and was about to take off my underwear, and it all felt so fast.

“Just—” I said, stopping him before he took off my purple thong. “Can you kiss me for a minute?”

He was patient, just nodding and then obeying. And then after another moment of that, he took off my underwear, sliding it down my tan legs and putting them in a pile with the shorts and shoes.

I was completely exposed to the night air and I felt cold even though that was impossible in the ninety degrees.

He then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and pulled out his…thing. He put on a condom that he retrieved from his wallet, and I smelled the latex and thought of the doctor’s office.

I knew it was about to happen. But instead of feeling a sense of warm anticipation, my mind was distracted by how odd it was that he had to get so much less naked than I did. I was naked on the bottom half, and he had pushed my tank top up to expose my padded bra.

From behind, you wouldn’t even know he was exposing himself at all.

Then it happened.

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