Page 14 of Give Me Strength

The truth is, there was nothing keeping me in the US at the time. It’s hard to stay somewhere where you’re not wanted, so I left. I also had no reason to return, so I kept piling on the overseas assignments until I maxed out on those. I’m not too sure that I’m wanted now, regardless of what Bonnie says.

She gives me the highlights in the time it takes us to ride down the elevator and exit the building — all things I never stopped to consider. It gives me some insight as to what lies ahead and also why Ashlynn would refer to herself as a burden. If I am being honest, it is a lot for one person to take on while navigating the logistics of filling in for a physically and emotionally unavailable father.

I can’t help but wonder how different Ashlynn’s life would be today if Hannah and Rachel were alive. And, by extension, how different mine would be.

Outside, the cool air is a stark contrast to the stuffy office.

Bonnie turns to me, her eyes serious. “How long are you planning on staying?”

Well, that came out of nowhere.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” It comes out harsher than I intended.

“You’re right. It isn’t. But it’s Lynn’s business, which makes it my business.” She points in the direction of the parking lot, specifically at the black town car that’s idling. “That is Russ,” she says of the man — late forties to early fifties — leaning against the back door with his arms folded loosely over his chest, watching us. “Lynn’s inside, icing the soles of her feet. Apparently, her little stunt at the graveyard didn’t go over too well with her teachers at Brookfield, so she’s been benched from dancing for a month. Or, at least until the blisters on the pads of her feet fully heal.” A smile flickers across Bonnie’s face. “I doubt it’d work, though. It might get her to slow down, but it won’t keep her away from her dance classes, even if it means stretching in the corner while the lesson goes on.”

I can’t help my own answering smile. Ballet was Rachel’s life too. She loved being on stage as much as she loved teaching.

Bonnie touches my arm. “Ballet is Lynn’s life. She lives and breathes it. My job is to ensure that she keeps doing that for as long as she wants while I worry about the rest. I don’t mind it because the fact is, Clement Blackwell took away the two people who matter the most to her in this world, so he gets to foot the bill for her dreams. For Wynter’s, too. And, if she were still alive, for Rose’s as well. Some might say that I am being greedy, or think I am being vindictive for making the bastard pay for a so-called simple mistake, or a ‘youthful indiscretion,’” she puts air quotes around the words, “but that was his eighth DUI incident, which only made the news because people died. Clement might be a sad, soulless sack of shit, but his parents aren’t. They keep tabs on the girls. They see everything they’ve accomplished since and their potential to achieve even more, which motivates them to stick to the terms of the agreements.

“Every penny is spent on Lynn because it is my job to see to it that she gets every opportunity that comes her way without having to worry about the cost. But the truth is, despite the extensive support put in place for her, it can never be enough. I can never be enough. That doesn’t mean I’ll let just anyone waltz in and screw that up for her. So I’ll ask again. How long are you planning on staying this time?”

I could lie, but she’d just see right through it. So I give her the unfettered truth. “I’m undecided. For now.”

She nods slowly. “I appreciate the honesty. And FYI, I wasn’t expecting you to make any major life-changing decisions today. In fact, why don’t you take a few days to think about it?”

I nod slowly, considering the idea. “Sure.”

“Not too long, though,” she quickly adds, her voice stern. “I can’t keep Lynn in limbo forever. I love my niece, and I will do anything for her. Anything. She is not, nor will she ever be, a burden. Not to me, not to anyone in her life. And anyone who makes her feel that way won’t like the sensation of their entrails existing outside their body. So if you decide to leave, no hard feelings. Just let me know, and I’ll file the necessary paperwork to amend Hannah’s will. But if you do decide to stay, Will is drafting the necessary adjustments to make sure everything is in order. You and I are going to have an even longer chat about Lynn, and believe me, it is not a walk in the park. Then we’ll need to sit down with her, together, and explain how we’ll proceed. She needs to hear it from both of us, and she needs to know that we are all on her side.”

Seems like a reasonable compromise.

“I have a few things to look into, and I’ll give you a call, say, Monday?”

She holds out a hand to shake mine. “It’s a date.” It takes her all of three seconds to realize the words that just slipped past her lips, and she pulls her hand out of mine so fast you’d think mine were a bed of hot coals. “Not like a date date, just a meeting of the minds and…”

I chuckle at the faint blush that spreads across her cheeks.

“I’m going to go now.” She turns and briskly walks away from me, heading in the direction of the town car.

Russ pushes off the car and opens the back door for her. I catch a brief glimpse of Ashlynn, who had been watching our exchange. I barely register the grim expression on her countenance before Bonnie slides into the backseat next to her, obscuring my view of her, and then pulls the door shut.

I remain rooted to the spot as I watch them drive off. I offer a small wave, not knowing if it was returned since the windows are tinted.

By the time I get home, a plan forms. I have never been one to half-ass anything I commit to.

If I’m going to do this, I might as well go all in.

6

ASHLYNN

Bright lights warm my face as I glide effortlessly across the polished floor. My heart beats in time with the music, every movement perfect. The music swirls around me, lifting me higher with each pirouette. Adrenaline pulses through me, and I feel invincible, like nothing in the world can touch me.

This is where I belong, on this stage.

My friends from Brookfield are here too, their faces flush with excitement as they watch me twirl. Their eyes are glued to the stage, to me, like they can’t bear to look away.

Mom’s face beams from the front row, pride and love radiating from her eyes. Her smile is so bright, so full of warmth that it feels like the sun is shining just for me. Next to her, Rachel’s eyes sparkle as she clasps both hands against her chest, her smile wide and genuine.

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