Page 42 of Give Me Strength

I can’t help but smile at that, the thought of her making my morning coffee somehow comforting. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

And to her staring at my morning wood. And me, pretending not to notice.

Pure. Torture.

She slips out of the kitchen, the soft pad of her footsteps fading away. The silence returns, but it feels different now. The kitchen feels emptier without her, the air charged with possibility, with the promise of what could be.

Tread lightly, Gilbert, my subconscious warns.

I turn back to my laptop, my fingers hovering over the keys as I finish typing my email to Melissa.

I understand. Name your price, Melissa. I’m willing to do whatever it takes and pay you whatever you ask for. That’s how desperate I am. I need someone who knows the house.

Plus, there’s Ashlynn. It’s official; I’m her legal guardian. Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are, but it’s what Hannah wanted. Ashlynn moved in weeks ago, and I think she could use a familiar face around. Someone whom we both trust.

Gilbert

I hit send, hoping my email is equal parts urgent and desperate; so she understands how much we need her. I close my laptop and start tidying up the papers. The sooner I go to bed, the faster I’ll see Ashlynn again.

It’s exhilarating and unnerving how comfortably nestled under my skin she is. I’ve never felt like this before. It didn’t take long for me to grow deeply attached to her, more than even I fully comprehend. She’s become a part of me in a way I’ve never experienced before, not even with Rachel.

Is this how Rachel felt about Hannah? How did she manage to keep her wits about her for six long, excruciating years?

I meant every word of what I said to Ashlynn tonight. She means the world to me, more than she realizes. There is no me without her, as cheesy as it sounds. That’s how I know I want something long-term with her, in whatever capacity she wants — even if it is just a simple friendship.

Tomorrow will bring its own challenges, but for now, I allow myself a moment of hope.

19

ASHLYNN

My feet don’t ache as much as I pad up the stairs, careful to avoid the non-existent creaky spots. The moonlight filters through the large windows, casting silvery patterns on the polished floor. Once in the safety of my room, I lean against the doorframe of my bedroom, my heart still racing from the emotionally charged moment Gilbert and I just shared.

It’s a small moment, but it feels like the beginning of something much bigger.

I swallow hard, the intimacy of the moment almost overwhelming. It deeply resonated with me, the sincerity in his voice when he said I matter to him. His kindness feels genuine, his selflessness a rarity that leaves me both grateful and bewildered by it and by him.

People usually want something in return, every gesture tinged with expectation.

I am not people. His deep, gravely voice echoes through my mind.

He isn’t.

And, for a moment, I allow myself to believe him.

His touch, his presence, it’s all so comforting. It’s been so long since someone took care of me like this. Since I let anyone close enough to try.

The thought of him looking forward to my bringing him his morning coffee at 5 A.M. has my lips stretching into a smile. Warmth spreads through me at the idea of starting my day with him.

Other parts of me ache, desperate for release. Desperate for him.

I climb into bed and pull the covers up to my chin. The softness of the sheets envelope me, offering comfort that matches the unexpected solace I find whenever I’m around him.

My eyes drift close, thoughts of him weave through my mind’s eye like a gentle melody. My hand slides down my stomach, fingers tracing over the raised ink on my stomach, before traveling further down. My fingers go to my clit, and, for a moment, I imagine it’s Gilbert’s hands on me, in me. Expertly working me up, twisting up my insides and sculpting me like clay. His name is on my lips as my orgasm washes over me.

20

ASHLYNN

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