Page 71 of Give Me Strength

“That also meant we had to make some adjustments with our living arrangements. It wasn’t easy, but we made it work because we believed in each other’s dreams. We stayed married for legal reasons, and we prioritized our dreams because we knew they were worth fighting for. The money I was making while on assignment was a lot, and it bothered her at times, so we agreed that she could either invest it or give it away. She picked option one on whim and invested in one of Oscar Hyun’s many subsidiaries. Over the years she invested more, and when circumstance brought us back to Chicago, it had grown significantly.

“But Rachel took her duties as anchor very seriously, and at grave personal expense. The bulk of our arrangement fell on her, so too did the responsibilities. The career woman slash doting wife image meant that she couldn’t date freely. She tried at first, but this isn’t the sort of thing you blurt out on a first date, or even a tenth one. I always wondered if I’d made a mistake enlisting. I made a choice junior year, and it didn’t just affect me. The money was good, yes, but in a way it forced us into a corner. It forced me to choose, which in turn forced Rachel to choose.”

“You make it sound like she resented you for it, when the evidence suggests otherwise.”

I sigh, pressing my lips to her forehead. “I didn’t know that for sure, until she met Hannah. I was thrilled. They were good together. And, if I’m being honest, I was envious. Because I wanted what they had, but it takes a special type of partner to put up with that. And now… I never expected to outlive her. In losing her, I learned what’s truly important. Success, money, a big house — they’re all wonderful, but its all moot if you have no one to share it with. It’s the people we love, the dreams we support. They are the ones that make life meaningful.

“I learned that lesson the hard way too, when I ran away. I was to immersed in grief, that I thought I didn’t deserve this life that she had built here, for us. Because that was always the end goal. When either of us found someone we wanted to be with, long-term, we would divorce. I wanted her to be okay, and she wanted me to be okay too. Losing her made me realize just how precious time is. I won’t make the same mistake of putting work above everything else again. Ash, you are my dream. This time, I choose you.”

Her breathing stutters, as she drums her nimble fingers over my chest. “But you just got back. And you have regular patients now, patients who need you.”

“They do,” I place my hand over hers and give it a gentle squeeze. “I can find a way to manage that from New York, or travel back when necessary. But that’s for me to figure out. It’s up to you to decide if you want us to move in together, and we’ll go from there.”

She reaches up and cups my tear-stained cheeks. “We already live together.”

I can’t help it but laugh at that. “We do, but it’s different. I won’t ask you to choose, because I know it’s not fair to you. You deserve to be at Bayard, to dance on those stages. All I want is to be with you, to support you.”

“You do realize that you’re asking to do the same thing you talked Rachel out of doing?”

“I am, yes. The difference is, my practice is established. I can see patients virtually from anywhere in the world. Or I could use a break. A sabbatical, so to speak. Maybe I’ll finally write that book that Rachel had been bugging me to write. I only have one you. So think about it, okay? We still have plenty of time to figure things out.”

When we finally drift off to sleep, it’s with a sense of peace I haven’t felt in weeks. I hold her close, the steady rhythm of her breathing a comforting reminder that we’re in this together. That we’ll face whatever comes our way together.

29

GILBERT

I circle back to Bluegrass High School just after the first period ends. The halls are filled with students rushing to their next classes, the sound of lockers opening and closing echoing in the bustling hallways. Keeping my head down, I navigate through the crowd to avoid drawing attention. Ashlynn would be in second period now, safely out of earshot from what I’m about to do.

As I approach Principal Richardson’s office, I can feel the anger simmering beneath my calm exterior. I knock sharply on the door and, without waiting for a response, push it open and step inside. The office is just as I remember it — neat, orderly, with a faint scent of polished wood.

Nicole looks up from her desk, a flicker of surprise crossing her face before she quickly masks it with her usual professional demeanor.

“Gilbert, I wasn’t expecting you,” she says, attempting a cordial tone. “What can I do for you today?”

I close the door behind me and sit across from her, holding her gaze. “I know what you’ve been doing, Nicole”

Her expression falters, just for a moment, but it’s enough. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Now’s not the time to play dumb. You know exactly what I’m talking about. I know that it was at your insistence that Leland came back here.”

Her expression remains calm, but there’s a slight tightening around her eyes. “That’s a serious accusation, Dr. McKenzie. You can’t just?—”

I cut her off, my voice steady but cold. “I also know that you’ve known all along that he was back to his old habits and did nothing to stop it. You encouraged it, in fact.”

Her eyes narrow, and she leans back in her seat. “You have no proof of that. These are baseless allegations.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone, unlocking it with a few quick taps. “Actually, I do have proof.” I press play on the most recent recording Ashlynn made, my eyes never leaving Nicole’s face as the sounds of the the incriminating audio fills the room.

TRANSCRIPT

Ashlynn: Where’s Mr. Greenfield? Or Gilbert? You know you’re not allowed to talk to me without either one of them present.

Principal Richardson (cold and detached): You’re my student, and I can talk to you whenever I damn well choose. You’re not under arrest, so you don’t need a lawyer.

Ashlynn: But I do need to get back to class. You pulled me out of AP Physics in the middle of a pop quiz, which means I’ve have to stay late to retake it. I have ballet class, you know this.

Principal Richardson: Then you’ll just have to miss a few minutes of ballet. Quit being such an uptight bitch. It’s just tutus, not the end of the fucking world.

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