Page 77 of Give Me Strength

“How? You and I, we talk plenty! You’ve had ample opportunity to do so! Hell, you could’ve told me when you were signing your life away to me…” I trail off at that, as something else clicks into place. “When you said you see Rachel in me, was that… did you…” I trail off, my voice cracking, “you meant that literally, didn’t you?”

“Ash, please, it’s not what you think.” He steps closer, hands outstretched as if to touch me, to ground me. “I was trying to protect you.”

“Protect me?” I echo, my voice rising. “From what? From the truth?”

“Yes,” he says, his voice full of desperation. “No. I don’t know. I didn’t want you to see me differently. My family... it’s complicated.”

“Complicated?” I choke out a laugh, bitter and raw. “Everything about this is complicated. Or maybe it’s not that. You wanted to fuck your sister, and I was the next best thing.”

He blanches. I do too.

The words hang in the air, heavy and damning. The color slowly drains from his face, until all that’s left is a shell of a man.

I can’t believe what’s worse — that I’ve been subconsciously thinking that all this time, or that it sounds worse to hear the words said out loud. It feels like I’ve been punched in the gut, so I imagine it feels worse for him.

“Lynn,” Aunt Bonnie says, her voice gentle but firm, “You need to stop talking.”

I can’t believe her.

I pin her with an angry look. “You’re taking his side?”

“No, I’m not taking any one’s side. But I know you. I know if you keep talking, you will say something you are going to regret.”

Regret?

This gets worse?

I feel tears welling up, but I blink them back. “I can’t do this right now.” I say, my voice trembling. “I need to get out of here. I need space to think.”

“Don’t go,” he pleads, pain clear in his eyes. “Stay, please. I’ll leave. The house belongs to you.”

Seriously?

I turn away, unable to look at him. “Fine. Just go.”

He hesitates for a moment, then nods, his shoulders slumping in defeat. He walks to the door, glancing back at me one last time before stepping out. The door closes behind him with a soft click, and the silence that follows is deafening.

I crumble to the floor, the weight of everything too much to bear. Sobs wrack my body, and I feel Aunt Bonnie’s arms around me, pulling me close.

“Oh, Lynn,” she whispers, stroking my hair. “People keep secrets for all kinds of reasons. It doesn’t make it right, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you.”

I cling to her, my tears soaking her shirt. “Weren’t you just defending him a minute ago?”

“I know you know me better than that,” she says softly. “I know the context, but you don’t.”

“Care to share?”

She’s quiet for a beat. Then, “No. He should be the one to tell you. Not that you are in a receptive mood right now.”

Great.

Just fucking great.

I shift, with the intention of getting out of her arms and going after him, but she hugs me tighter. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“To get some answers.”

“I don’t think so.” She chuckles, but it’s strained. “I realize that you are new to the nuances of how intimate relationships work, but try not to be your usual self right now.”

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