Page 78 of Give Me Strength

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She lets out a weary sigh. “It means, the man is hurting. Your words really hurt him. He needs space as much as you do.”

“And if he never comes back?”

“Somehow, I don’t see that happening. You two are legally bound to each other anyway. He might as well have given you a ring. For once, allow yourself to feel heartbreak, like a normal person. I have faith in you, Lynn. I know that you’ll figure it out. And whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”

Her words are a small comfort, but the pain remains, sharp and unyielding. I close my eyes, letting the tears fall, wishing with all my heart that this was all just a bad dream.

31

GILBERT

The cool night air hits my face like a splash of water as I step out of the house, closing the front door softly behind me. I feel hollow, the weight of my own secrets finally catching up to me. I make my way over to the garage and slide into the driver’s seat of one of our cars, no idea which one. The engine purrs to life, but I barely register the sound.

My hands grip the steering wheel tightly as I drive through the gates. The streets are deserted, shadows playing across the pavement as I drive aimlessly. My mind is a whirlpool of guilt and regret, Ashlynn’s hurt expression haunting me.

How could I have let it come to this? Why couldn’t I just tell her from the get-go?

In the journal of her darkest memories, Ashlynn called me her safety. But what she doesn’t realize is, she is my home. She is my safety, my sanctuary.

And I just ruined that, for both of us.

The city lights blur as I speed through empty intersections, my thoughts too chaotic to focus on where I’m going. I just need to escape, to get away from the crushing reality of what I’ve done. Time loses meaning, and I don’t know how long I’ve been driving when I finally slow down, the car coasting to a stop in front of a familiar house. I cut the engine and sit there for a moment, the headlights cast long, eerie shadows on the house.

I look at the clock on the dashboard: 2 A.M. My fingers tighten around the steering wheel as I contemplate my options, but there’s nowhere else I want to go. Ashlynn’s face, twisted in hurt and betrayal, flashes in my mind. The weight of my secret feels heavier than ever, pressing down on my chest until I can hardly breathe.

After what feels like an eternity, I drag myself out of the car, the cool air doing little to clear the fog of regret clouding my mind. I walk up the path to front door and ring the doorbell with a trembling hand, the sound echoing in the quiet night.

The porch light flickers on, and after a few moments I hear footsteps approaching. The door swings open, and Sheila stands there, her eyes narrowing in confusion and then widening in concern when she sees me.

“Gilbert? What are you doing here?”

I try to speak, but my throat feels tight, the words stuck. She steps aside, and I shuffle in, feeling like a ghost of myself. The familiar scent of her home — cinnamon and something distinctly Sheila — barely registers in my dazed state.

She closes the door softly, flicking the locks in place before turning to me. Her eyes scan my face, her face etched with worry. “What’s wrong?”

I don’t answer her, the lump in my throat makes it difficult to speak. She leads me to the couch, and I collapse onto it, burying my face in my hands. The image of Ashlynn’s tear-streaked face sears into my mind. How could I have done this to her? How could I have let my past ruin everything good in my life?

The emotions I’ve been holding back finally break free, and I start to sob, the sound harsh and ragged in the quiet room. Sheila doesn’t say anything. She just sits beside me, her presence a steady, silent support as the tears flow from me, unrestrained and ugly. I sob, the sound raw and harsh in the quiet room. The grief and guilt tear through me, and I cry for everything I’ve lost, for the trust I shattered, and for the pain I’ve caused the woman I love.

Sheila leaves for a moment and returns with a blanket, draping it over me gently with the kind of care that only a true friend can offer. Her hand lingers on my shoulder, a silent reassurance that she’s here, that I’m not alone, even if I feel lost without Ashlynn. .

“I’m sorry,” I whisper through the sobs, though I’m not sure who I’m apologizing to — Sheila, Ashlynn, Rachel, or myself. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Sheila says softly. “I’d glad you thought to come here, instead of wandering the streets aimlessly. Try to get some rest.”

I nod, but the hollow feeling in my chest remains. My eyes close and the tears continue to fall, my body wracked with sobs until I’m completely drained, exhaustion settling in like a lead weight. The warmth of the blanket and the steady presence of my friend beside me are the last things I feel as I finally succumb to the overwhelming exhaustion. I drift into a restless sleep, haunted by the image of Ashlynn’s hurt face and the devastating realization of what I’ve done.

32

GILBERT

The sun is already high when I wake up, the exhaustion from the night before still clinging to me. I sit up slowly, stretching my stiff muscles. The light filters through the curtains, a soft glow that does little to lift the heavy fog of exhaustion pressing down on me.

As consciousness seeps in, so too do the events of last night, flooding back with a relentless force. My eyes feel gritty from crying, and my body is stiff from sleeping in a crumpled position.

There’s a note on the coffee table, it’s written in Sheila’s neat handwriting:

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