When we all sat down, with Luna to my left and Ophelia on my right, I was sure no other moment in my life had ever felt this good.
Colt poured wine for all the adults, and Banjo found Luna some grape juice when she complained about her cup of water.
He kissed her chubby cheek before sitting down opposite her, his hand reaching for Lacey’s leg beneath the table in the same way I had mine on Ophelia’s.
“Well, we didn’t cook all this food to just let it sit here and go to waste,” Rafe announced. “Let’s eat.”
He leaned over, scooping some of the mashed potatoes onto Luna’s plate, which she immediately stuck her finger in.
I chuckled and passed a bowl of peas to Ophelia when she requested them.
General chitchat flowed, without much input from me. Ophelia and Lacey got into a conversation about some new reality TV show they were both obsessed with, and Colt talked about his job at the prison and what was going on there.
I sat back and let it all wash over me.
It was the sort of family dinner I’d spent my teenage years dreaming of. There’d been so many nights where I’d gone to bed hungry, my foster parents not bothering to waste the money they got from the government on something as unimportant as feeding the kids in their care. With an empty stomach, I’d dreamed of giving Banjo a better life.
I hadn’t succeeded.
But he had.
That was all that mattered.
It was hard not to remember the last time I’d sat at this table. It had been a Thanksgiving meal, and I’d come with one of my clients who had been a friend of Lacey’s aunt.
That night had been the nail in the coffin for Banjo and me, and I hated that it was the elephant in the room now.
When Luna got sleepy and Colt carried her up to her bedroom, I knew I couldn’t let the night pass without saying what I’d wanted to say for years.
I cleared my throat before I could chicken out, and everyone left at the table turned in my direction.
I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants. “I…” I coughed and tried again, this time focusing just on my sister-in-law.
She drew in a breath, like she knew what was coming and needed to steel herself for it.
“I’m sorry,” I said to her quietly. “I know I owe you so much more than just a shitty apology, but it’s one I mean. I did some horrible things to you, and I know you don’t have to forgive me. I’m grateful just to be here tonight, and if this is as far as it goes, then I understand. I wouldn’t blame you at all. But I did want you to hear it. Because I do mean every word. Everything I did, I did it because I thought I was protecting him, or because I thought my way was his only chance at getting by.” I swallowed hard. “Thank you for showing him and me, that there was…is…another way. That surviving isn’t enough. That happiness trumps it all.”
A tear welled in Lacey’s eye and then dripped down her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but I was so scared of it being a rejection that I quickly focused on Banjo and everything I needed to say to him.
He just shook his head, cutting me off. “Stop torturing yourself. We know you’re sorry.”
“I need to say it.”
“You’ve said it.” He turned to Lacey with a questioning, raised eyebrow.
She nodded. There was a silent exchange between them, where neither needed to say a word but both clearly understood.
“We forgive you.” Banjo’s mouth turned up at the edges. “Can we go throw the football now?”
From the corner of my eye, Ophelia beamed, her fingers squeezing mine.
I couldn’t believe his words. I shook my head, trying to remember all the apologies I’d practiced throughout the years, and yet none of them seemed enough. “Banjo, I…”
He just pointed at the football sitting by the back door.
God, it had been a long time since I’d thrown a football with my brother. “It’s dark outside,” I protested.
“Since when did that ever stop us?”