Page 28 of Reaching Ryan

“You can get whatever you want,” Patrick tells her before I can tell her no. “And I want you to pick out a nice present for your Aunt Cari—something sparkly.” He looks at me again and smiles. “And your mom too—she deserves it.”

See what I mean?

Weird morning.

“Is he coming?”

I look down to see Grace gazing up at me, her blue eyes, a mirror of my own, filled with the first whispers of doubt. She was so sure that Ryan would want to see her. That they were friends, despite the fact that she didn’t even know his name until this morning when I told it to her.

We’ve been standing here for almost fifteen minutes. None of the nurses at the station will even look at us. Not even the one who went to tell him we were here to see him. Even though they’re avoiding eye contact at all cost, I have the feeling that Molly and I are the focus of their attention. “He’s coming.” I give her a firm nod. Even if I have to march down there and drag him out of his—

And then there he is, his slow, careful shuffle punctuated by the thump of his cane on the bare, hardwood floor. Finally, he’s standing in front of us with a look that clearly says what the hell are you doing here, and I have no idea what to say. How to explain why we’re here or even how we found him (I texted Cari and asked—like I said, it took less than thirty-seconds although I suspect I’ll pay for it with an interrogation later). Before either of us can speak, Molly pipes up and saves us both.

“Hi.” She thrusts a bag of stale cotton candy at him. “I got this for you at the zoo when I went with Gran and Grandpa. They went back to Ohio and my mom and me are staying here to live with Uncle Patrick and Aunt Cari.” She beams up at him. “We’re both gonna go to school and I got my own room and Mom got a new car. It’s yellow. That’s my favorite color. What’s your favorite color?”

He looks away from her for a second, up at me and for a split second, I’m worried that he doesn’t know. That maybe he doesn’t remember his favorite color, the same way doesn’t remember how to tie his shoes or what he had for breakfast. But then he looks down at her, a single corner of his flattened mouth lifting it what I’ve come to recognize as his version of a smile. “Blue.”

“Blue is good.” She nods like he’s made a wise color choice. “It’s a little smashed but that’s okay, right?”

It takes both of us a few seconds to realize she’s talking about the cotton candy she’s still trying to offer him.

“Sure.” He sighs softly and finally takes the bag from her. “What are you doing here?” he asks, looking right at me, an exasperated scowl skating across his face without catching hold. Seeing it sets my own on fire. What the hell am I doing here?

“I—”

Again, Molly saves me.

“Mom didn’t want to come but I begged her until she couldn’t stand it anymore,” she says in a matter-of-fact tone that sets of a round of snorts and smothered laughter from the nursing station. Hearing it sets his face into a collection of harsh planes and sharp angles. Before he can say anything, the nurse who helped us leans over the high-topped counter to look down at Molly.

“You came all this way to bring this guy cotton candy?” she asks in a tone that sounds slightly skeptical.

“He’s my friend.” Molly gives the nurse a solemn nod. “My mom says we should be nice to our friends.”

“Your mom’s right.” The nurse cocks her head and gives her a conspiratorial smile. “I think that entitles you and your mom to a banana split—” She looks at Ryan and I swear her smile turns triumphant for just a second. “At the very least a chocolate milkshake—what do you think, Mr. O’Connell?”

“I think I’ll be filing that complaint with your supervisor, Nurse Ratched,” he grumbles at her but instead of looking alarmed or contrite, the nurse laughs at him. Still grumbling, Ryan looks down at Molly. “I’m hungry,” he tells her. “Are you hungry?” When she grins up at him and nods, he sighs, shifting his gaze to mine. When I see his long-suffering sigh and raise him a defeated nod, he gives me another one of his flat smiles. “Alright then. Let’s go.”

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