Page 51 of Giving Grace

“Earlier, you said I’m not Molly’s father, and you’re right—I’m not.” I’m not even sure I know what I’m trying to tell her but when I open my mouth it just comes out. “But what if I want to be? What if—”

“I was raped.”

She blurts it out, shoving the words at me, hard and fast like she’s trying to hurt me with them at it works. As soon as she says it, as soon as my brain processes what she’s telling me, what it means, I feel like I’m standing on top of that IUD, all over again. Afraid to move because I know what’s coming, I just don’t know when. My entire body clench, every joint and vertebra locked tight against the world of hurt that baring down on me, seconds before I feel my entire body has burst into flames.

“What?” It’s a stupid thing to say. Stupid and wrong but I’m praying to God I heard her wrong. That my fucked-up brain is playing a cruel joke on me.

But it’s not.

I heard her just fine.

I understood perfectly.

I know, because Grace reaches up and pushes my hand away from her face and looks away from me, her cheeks flushed with shame. “I was raped. That’s why I don’t know who Molly’s father is—that’s where she came from.” She says it like that’s it. That’s the whole story—everything I need to know, summed up in a handful of words. But she’s wrong. That’s not everything. Not even close.

Who.

Where.

What.

That’s what I need to know.

Who is he.

Where can I find him.

What will it feel like when I kill him.

Still unable to look at me, she takes a step back. “Can you get out now, please?” She flings her arm toward the open archway that leads to my bedroom. “I’ve had a pretty rough couple of hours and I’d really like to cry and—”

I kiss her.

Just step right into her and press my lips against hers until her mouth goes still and quiet. Pulling back a little, I glare down at her. “Nice try.”

Like me, it takes her a few seconds to process what I just said to her. When she finally gets it, her dark blonde brows slam down over her narrowed blue eyes. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” Reaching for her again, I push my fingers into her hair to cup my hand around the curve of her neck, pulling her against me. “Nice try, Jimmy—but if that’s your best shot at getting rid of me, I gotta tell you, not impressed.”

“You don’t believe me.” It’s not a question and it kills me, the absolute certainty I hear in her tone. That things are going exactly as she expected. That when she finally found the courage to tell someone the truth, she’d be branded as a liar. “You think I’m lying.”

“No.” It’s the truth. I believe her. I don’t even question it. I just know. “I know you’re telling me the truth. What I’m telling you, since you seem to think I would, is that I don’t care where Molly came from. I’m here—I’m standing right here and I’m not moving. Not one goddamned inch, no matter what you throw at me.”

“Because you love Molly.”

“Yes.” I nod my head, cursing myself for a coward because even though it’s the truth, it’s not the whole truth. It’s not the only reason I want them to stay. “Because I love Molly.”

“This is crazy,” she whispers up at me, shaking her head. “It’s not going to work. It won’t—”

“It can,” I cut her off because I don’t want to hear prudent and rational right now. All I want to hear is her telling me yes. That she’ll stay. Give me a chance. “It will if we want it to.”

“I have to do what’s best for Molly.” Reaching up, she wraps her hand around my wrist, pulling my hand away from her neck. “I need to think—I can’t do that when you’re touching me.”

Curbing my impulse to kiss her again, I nod. “Okay—then just give me a week,” I say, trying to reason with her, find a way to get her say yes, even if it’s just for a little while. “A trial run. Tomorrow is Sunday. We’ll sit down and work out the logistics.” I can see it on her face, she’s going to say no. She’s going to leave and knowing it makes me desperate. Makes me want to drop down to my knees and beg. “A week, Grace—that’s all I’m asking for—and don’t say it’ll confuse Molly because I’m pretty sure she’s the only one in this situation who isn’t confused.”

She doesn’t answer me right away. She just stands there and looks at me like she can’t decide if I’m completely crazy or not. Finally she sighs and nods her head. “Okay—one week. We’ll give it a try.”

Thirty-three

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