Page 29 of Forsaken

The day Mav had shown me more pleasure in a matter of minutes than I’d ever known in my entire life.

The day I’d finally taken another man into my mouth and actually wanted it…and enjoyed it.

My heart flip flopped painfully at the reminder and I tried to focus on what Brennan was saying. I hadn’t actually spoken to Dom more than a few minutes before I’d left my apartment to find Mav and apologize for hurting him. And I’d had no doubt that that was exactly what I’d done when I’d lashed out at him and told him I didn’t want him. I’d seen it in his eyes the moment I’d spoken the lie, but the true depth the impact of my words had had on him hadn’t become apparent until Mav had bent at the waist and struggled to breathe.

As if I had physically struck him.

When Mav had left, I hadn’t been able to focus on anything Dom had said to me. I’d only heard bits and pieces about him being worried about me, and all I’d managed to get out was telling him that I needed to go and that I’d call him later. I hadn’t even remembered to turn my oven off. Fortunately, Dom had realized it before he’d left and when I’d called him later that night to explain my abrupt departure, he’d told me I could explain it in person when I attended my welcome home party this weekend. I’d known better than to ignore the subtle order and so when Saturday afternoon had rolled around, I’d forced myself out of bed and made the trip to San Juan Island. But despite my physical presence in Dom and Logan’s beautiful island house, it didn’t mean I was there mentally.

Maybe if things hadn’t ended with Mav the way they had.

And I had no doubt that they’d ended.

Because I’d woken up in his hotel room alone. I’d been curled up on the same chair we’d had our encounter in and there’d been a blanket draped over me. But Mav had been nowhere to be found. No note, no text, no nothing. If I hadn’t seen his small overnight bag sitting on a chair near the bed, I would have guessed he’d checked out. When I’d gone to my car, his Harley had been gone. I’d managed to go to the hospital the rest of the week for my volunteer duties, but my heart hadn’t been in it. And when Hawke had walked me to my car each night, I hadn’t argued or asked if he knew where Mav was.

I may not have ever had any relationships in my past experience to draw from, but I knew enough from what Mav had said in the hotel room. He wanted to fuck me, not date me. And apparently, he wasn’t even all that interested in fucking me either.

“Hey,” Brennan said as he gave me a little nudge.

“Sorry,” I murmured as I tried to pull myself from my sad reverie.

“No problem,” Brennan said gently, but he gave up trying to draw me from my funk. I managed to make conversation as other members of the family came to greet me, but by the time I was done, I was barely holding it together. I’d specifically returned to Seattle to be closer to these men and women who’d changed my life, but now that I was here, I felt like an interloper. To them I was Eli Galvez, the kid who’d struggled to overcome a shitty past to have a bright future as a doctor. They had no idea of everything I’d done and been in the years that had passed. They had no idea the secrets I had kept…was still keeping. I was a fraud and I had no right to immerse myself in their world.

It wasn’t until Sweetie, Logan and Dom’s German Shepherd, pushed her muzzle into my hands that I realized my stress levels were increasing. I hadn’t brought Baby with me because he wasn’t overly fond of spending long periods of time in the car, but now I was regretting it. My skin felt itchy and I subtly glanced at my watch to see when I could make my escape. To my dismay, I’d only been at the party for a couple of hours and guessed that I had to put in at least another hour before I could start making my excuses about needing to leave.

“Here,” I heard Dom say and I looked up to see him standing in front of me, a bottle of soda in his hand.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

“Let’s take a walk.”

I nodded and followed him to the back door. Tanner, Dom and Logan’s eight-year-old son came barreling after us and threw himself into Dom’s arms. “Papa, can we play football now?”

Dom hugged Tanner and then lifted him high over his shoulder so that Tanner was hanging precariously over his back. “In a little bit,” he said as he gave the boy a swat on his bottom.

My chest constricted as I watched Dom right the boy and then hold him for several long seconds against his chest. Tanner seemed used to his father’s prolonged hugs and didn’t squirm to get away. When Dom finally released him, I wasn’t surprised when Tanner wrapped his arms around my middle and said, “Welcome home, Eli.”

And then he was off like a shot to rejoin Logan who was holding his and Dom’s young daughter, Sylvie. I watched as Logan cast Dom a sidelong glance. It was a look I’d seen a thousand times and that hadn’t dimmed in the nearly nine years they’d been together. It was a look I’d once hoped I would one day share with someone.

I had to tear my eyes away from the two men as they silently communicated and I ended up walking outside ahead of Dom. I waited for him to catch up and then followed him down to the water where there was a large beach as well as a dock, where a massive boat was moored.

“I spoke to your dad today,” Dom began.

I swallowed hard and forced every bit of normalcy into my voice as I could when I said, “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He seemed worried about you. Said you seemed a bit distracted these days.”

I flinched at that, but kept my mouth shut. My insides felt like they were going to explode though.

“He was hoping I could convince you to move back home. Says he knows a guy at Johns Hopkins who can reinstate your admission.”

I kept my attention on the dock as we began walking towards the end of it.

“I’m sure your mom is missing you,” Dom added.

“The UW is a better fit,” I murmured non-committedly.

“Eli, you know we’re all glad you’re back…”

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