Page 30 of Forsaken

Dom let his words hang in the air and I was glad when he didn’t finish them. I knew it would be next to impossible to keep anything from this man, but my hope was that he wouldn’t push for answers and that once I started school, I’d have the excuse of the heavy workload to explain away my demeanor.

“How did things work out with your guy?” Dom asked once we reached the end of the dock. “Mav, right?”

I nodded and forced a swallow of soda down. “He’s not my guy,” I managed to say. “We’re just friends.”

“Whatever I walked in on didn’t look like it was just about friends.”

“Dom…”

“Okay, okay,” Dom said as he put his hands up in supplication. “Can’t blame a guy for worrying,” he said with a chuckle. “You want to protect your kids from the harshness of life for as long as you can, you know?”

I nearly bent over in pain at that and I actually dropped my soda. It hit the dock with a splat, spraying all over our shoes. “Shit,” I bit out as I tried to get control of my shaking hand. Luckily, Dom was distracted by trying to grab the bottle before it rolled into the water so he didn’t notice my predicament.

Fuck. How many times had I wished Dom had seen me as his own kid?

And now it was just too fucking late.

“You okay?” Dom asked, his voice heavy with worry as he snatched the bottle up and glanced at me.

“Yeah,” I said quickly. “Sorry.”

“You sure?”

I nodded. “Yep. I’ve just been a little tired. You know, with what happened to Nick, the move…”

Dom nodded. “Your dad says Caleb’s been struggling, but that they found him a good therapist and that he seems to be back on track now. And your mom is keeping busy with the VA.”

I managed to nod in agreement even though my skin felt like something was crawling just beneath the surface. “It’s been tough,” I said and I automatically began walking back towards the house.

I needed to get the hell out of there.

“Dom,” I said as we reached the shore. “Do you mind if I head home? I’m really tired and I need to check on Baby.”

Dom studied me for a moment and then nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

I glanced back at the house and then managed to mumble, “Can you say my goodbyes for me?”

I was already walking towards the side of the house so that I wouldn’t have to go through it and see everyone again when I heard Dom say yes and wish me a safe trip home. By the time I reached my car, I could feel the bile churning deep in my belly and it didn’t start to ease until I reached the ferry dock almost twenty minutes away. My fingers wouldn’t stop shaking as I got out of the car and went up to the top level of the boat to watch the approach to the mainland. I heard my phone beep with a text message, but bitter disappointment curled through me when I saw that it was Brennan asking if I was okay. I sent him a quick text back telling him I was good and that I’d call him later. Instead of putting the phone away, I pulled up Mav’s contact and stared at his phone number.

What would he do if I called? Texted?

Would he answer or ignore me?

Was he still even in town?

I jammed the phone back in my pocket and drew in several long breaths of air in the hopes it would help calm me, but even the long process of getting the car off the ferry in Anacortes did nothing to ease my jitters. And two hours later when I pulled into the city, I bypassed my apartment. In my mind I knew where I was going even though I told myself how stupid it was. The sight of Mav’s hotel did nothing to ease my anxiety, but when I saw his Harley sitting in the familiar spot in the parking garage, I finally took my first real breath.

Maybe it would have been smarter just to leave things at that. To know that he was still in the same city. To hope that maybe our paths would cross at the hospital and I could find some way to draw him into conversation.

Except his voice wouldn’t be enough. His touch wouldn’t be enough. I needed more. I needed to be the me that only he seemed to be able to draw out. I needed to not feel sick with guilt or fear or doubt for just a few minutes.

I had several chances to turn around between the car and his door, but once the idea had taken root inside my brain, it was all I could think about. I needed Mav, pure and simple. I didn’t understand why he made me feel different. I didn’t know how things would go between us. I didn’t even know for sure that he would talk to me. But none of that kept me from rapping my knuckles on his door and waiting with bated breath. Relief went through me when the door unlocked and then opened. Mav’s dark green eyes looked me up and down as he leaned against the open door, but he didn’t say anything and neither did I. When he finally stepped back and put his hand on the door like he was going to close it, I wanted to die inside. But when all he did was open it wider and move out of the way to let me in, I knew anything that happened going forward would be my choice. I just had to take the step forward.

So that was what I did.

I couldn’t stifle my cry of relief when Mav’s mouth closed over mine. He hadn’t said a word, hadn’t pointed out that what was about to happen was a one-time thing, that it wouldn’t mean anything. And the kiss…

God, I felt everything in the way his lips caressed mine. He was both gentle and insistent, but there was no rush in the way he kissed me. One of his hands came up to caress my neck as the other pressed against my lower back, urging me closer to him. I lifted my arms to wrap them around his shoulders and felt the dampness of his hair which was hanging loose. I let my fingers tangle in the softness of it and when Mav released my mouth long enough to skim his lips along my jaw and down my throat, the emotion became too much and I had to bury my face against his shoulder. I hated that I couldn’t get a grip on myself, but if Mav noticed, he didn’t say anything. He just held me tighter and kept pressing soft kisses to any part of me he could reach without having to relinquish his hold on me.

---