Page 49 of Forsaken

“They figured out who their real friends were and told everyone else to fuck off,” I said. “It’s hard for their oldest little girl to understand sometimes why she doesn’t get invited to certain kids’ birthday parties and stuff,” I acknowledged. “But her fathers more than make up for it – those two girls will never doubt how much their fathers love them. And you mess with one Barretti, you mess with them all,” I added with a chuckle.

I glanced up to see Mace watching me thoughtfully. “Barretti as in Barretti Security Group?”

I nodded. “You know them?”

Mace shook his head. “I know of them. I work for their competition,” he said. “Though I guess you can’t really call us that. Your uncles are the global leaders in security. With all those army contracts, there’s just no catching up to them at this point…”

I dropped my eyes at Mace’s words as my stomach rolled violently. I sucked in a deep breath and said, “Yeah, they’re doing really well.” I looked up to see him watching me intently. “So, um, you said Jonas is a teacher?”

Mace pinned me with his gaze for several long seconds before saying, “He’s an artist. He teaches art classes to underprivileged kids.”

“And Cole?”

“Cole’s doing some consulting work for the Navy along with his father.”

The dogs lying on the floor at our feet suddenly jumped up and ran for the front door. Several long seconds later, a dark haired man entered the kitchen. “Did I hear my name?”

The beautiful smile that spread across Mace’s face actually made my heart hurt and I felt tears sting my eyes when I watched him stand and embrace Cole and then kiss him softly. “Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey yourself,” Cole said back and then kissed him again.

I’d managed to get a hold of myself when Mace turned his attention back to me and began making the introductions, but inside I felt like my entire world was imploding and for the first time since I’d gotten on the plane, I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake.

Chapter 19

Mav

I knew what I was doing was wrong and beyond cruel, but I did it anyway. And not just because I couldn’t sleep or because it felt like the few bites of dinner I’d forced down my throat felt like they were going to come back up any second. No, it wasn’t any of those things that had me turning the doorknob as quietly as I could in the darkened hallway.

It was because I couldn’t fucking breathe.

And it had felt that way from the moment I’d seen my mother’s cold, lifeless body lying on a slab of metal with nothing to preserve her dignity but a flimsy blue sheet that looked more like a piece of plastic than anything else. The only thing that had kept me from slamming my fist through the thin piece of glass that had separated me from her had been the long fingers wrapped around mine. I’d been able to suck in enough oxygen from that point on to keep me alive, but I was coming apart inside and I knew there was only one thing that could possibly stop it.

One person, rather.

My expectation was that I would find Eli sound asleep and I hoped that I could just look at him and feel a few moments of peace – enough to hold me over for the next few hours until I could do it again in the morning when we made our way back to the airport. That was how I’d managed to get through dinner with Mace and his men. Because I’d had Eli sitting next to me and I’d gotten to listen to him make polite conversation with Jonas, Mace and Cole. The dinner had definitely been a quiet affair and no one had tried to draw me into the discussions revolving around Jonas’s work with the kids he taught or how the threesome was adjusting to living in a big city like New York. I hadn’t seen Eli up until that point – not after I’d told Mace we wouldn’t be sharing a room and had disappeared into mine like the coward I was. But how the hell was I supposed to explain that if I spent even a few seconds alone with Eli, I’d give in to my need to touch him? To beg him to hold on to me and never let go, no matter what I said or did.

I’d ventured out of my room long enough to hear Mace and Eli talking and while it had been interesting to learn that Mace and his men were still adjusting to building a life together, my main focus had been on the things Eli had said, specifically his references to not being a part of the Barretti family. I’d wanted more than anything to march into the kitchen and demand he explain why he felt that way when everything I’d seen in the few minutes I’d seen Dom and Eli interacting told me different. But I’d stayed in my hidden spot by the stairs on the other side of the wall and hadn’t moved until Cole had come home. I’d joined them for dinner when Mace had asked me, but I hadn’t lingered afterwards and within a few minutes of closing my own door, I’d heard the door across the hall close too. Six hours of feeling like my lungs were going to shrivel up and die inside of my body had me sneaking across the hall to get my fix.

Except my fix wasn’t quietly sleeping and the second I opened the door, my eyes connected with Eli’s. The room was dark, but he hadn’t closed the curtains so there was enough light from the city street lamps to see his face. He was sitting in an armchair that he’d dragged in front of the balcony doors which were open, allowing the light din of traffic and street noise to filter into the room. And despite it being early summer, the night air was cool enough that the room was almost uncomfortably cold. Eli was still wearing his street clothes and the bed hadn’t been disturbed so I had no doubt he’d been in this exact position for a while.

Eli’s eyes held mine as I closed the door behind me. I expected him to say something, to ask what I was doing there, but he just stared at me, his eyes shrouded with sadness. I had no idea how much time passed as we watched each other, but Eli was the first to finally move. He pushed up from the chair and walked around it and towards the bed. Once he reached the side of it, his fingers reached up for the first button on his shirt. He never once took his eyes from me as he slowly worked all of the buttons free and then peeled the shirt off and dropped it to the floor. I held my breath as he reached for the button on his pants. I knew I needed to turn around. To walk back out of the room. To pretend I’d never walked into it in the first place.

I didn’t do that. I didn’t do anything except stand there and watch as Eli unhurriedly revealed his body to me bit by bit. When he was naked, he didn’t move, didn’t try to cover himself. He just waited…a silent offering.

One I knew I would take…I couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t the real reason I’d come to his room in the first place.

My feet felt heavy as I made my way to stand in front of him. I waited for him to say something, to ask questions about what this all meant…to insist that it meant something. But he didn’t. He just held my gaze for a moment before dropping his eyes so he could search out the hem of my shirt and push it up. He undressed me as slowly as he’d undressed himself and when the last of my clothes hit the floor, I reached for him. He came willingly and matched me kiss for kiss, touch for touch and I finally felt the knot in my chest loosen. I only stopped kissing him long enough to grab the packet of lube from my wallet and then I was lowering him to the bed.

I was too needy to do anything but slather some lube over my length before pushing into Eli’s body, but instead of protesting, he held on to me and lifted his hips to meet the powerful thrust that had me bottoming out inside of him in one move. I couldn’t stop kissing him as I surged into him over and over and I reveled in the way he clung to me. For all I’d said and done to him, he never held himself back from me as I sought the peace I so desperately craved and when he came apart in my arms, he told me he loved me, setting off my own nearly painful orgasm. When I forced myself to pull free of him and roll off his body, Eli lay there for a few seconds and then climbed to his feet. He didn’t say anything as he walked around the bed and disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I heard the shower come on a moment later. The dismissal stung and I fought the urge to follow him in there. Except I had no right to expect any different.

I shook my head in disbelief. After everything I’d done and said to him, he’d still told me he loved me.

Self-hatred consumed me as I yanked on my clothes. Eli always had and always would deserve someone better than me. And he’d see that himself in a few short hours when he saw the world I’d come from and that had still rejected me. Then I’d watch him climb on Ronan’s plane to go back to a life that didn’t and shouldn’t include me. And I’d go back to my life the way it had been before I’d ever set eyes on him.

But as I closed Eli’s door behind me, I wondered why the hell the idea no longer appealed to me.

Not even a little bit.

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