Page 62 of Forsaken

I understood his need, but I wished there was a way I could give him what he needed without putting him through more pain. “You sure?” I asked even as I reached for the laptop since I already knew what his answer would be.

“I want to put it behind me.”

I booted up the laptop, but Eli didn’t stiffen against me until I put the flash drive in. There were at least a dozen files that appeared on the drive. It took only seconds to realize how they’d been named and I sorted them alphabetically so all the ones that started with the letter “E” were together. There were seven files in total so I knew either Nick hadn’t managed to copy them all, or Eli’s stepfather hadn’t saved all the recordings. My guess was that it was the former, because the fact that he’d saved even any evidence that could put him in prison for the rest of his life was proof of how confident the man was that he would get away with everything he’d done to all three boys. As I selected the earliest file based on the date, I wondered if the man had more victims somewhere.

I didn’t ask Eli if he was ready because I knew there was no way he truly could be. The video started with the image of Eli and Jack sitting on the couch in front of a flat screen TV, a big bowl of popcorn between them. They laughed and joked about whatever was happening on the screen, but when Jack asked Eli if he wanted a beer, I felt Eli tense up against my chest. Just like Jace had said, the security camera got a clear shot of Jack spiking one of the beers and I felt my chest nearly implode when I saw a very young looking Eli take the drugged drink. By the time the first beer had started to make Eli groggy, Jack’s frequent touches had started to linger and grow longer. And when Eli asked for another beer, Jack had smiled widely, ruffled his hair and gotten up to get the drink. He again put something in it and then sat back and waited as Eli drank it and began to look like he was about to fall asleep. What followed was a series of inappropriate touches that were meant to test how heavily drugged Eli was and even though Eli tried to push Jack’s roaming hands away, he was completely helpless to do anything but say no as Jack began taking his shirt off.

I felt Eli’s fingers dig into my chest as Jack began unbuttoning his pants, but that was as far as he went before he grabbed Eli’s arm and forced him to his knees on the floor in front of him. Eli was clearly confused and began telling Jack he didn’t feel good. Jack’s response was to tell Eli that he knew how to make him feel good, and then he was forcing Eli’s head to his crotch. Eli’s hands came up to steady himself on Jack’s thighs and at that exact moment, Jack lifted his arms in the air and began shaking his head. But even as he made it look like he was trying to resist, he was commanding Eli to take him out.

“That’s the part he showed you, isn’t it?” I asked.

Eli nodded against my chest.

Jack pulled out his cock and forced Eli’s head down and then put his hands on Eli’s shoulders. He again wore an expression of shock, but his words belied his countenance because he was telling Eli to suck him. When Eli tried to pull away, Jack forced his mouth open with his fingers and then shoved his dick between Eli’s lips.

It took every ounce of control I had not to throw the laptop across the room and go hunt Jack Cortano down. Eli remained quiet on my chest and I tried to angle my head so I could see his face. One tear after another welled up in his eyes and fell down his cheeks, but he didn’t make a sound and he didn’t look away from the screen.

There were a few seconds here and there where Eli actually did seem to suck on Jack’s dick, but he consistently pulled off and tried to get away. I had no doubt Jack had edited those parts out when he’d shown Eli the doctored version. When I watched Jack pull Eli to his feet and bend him over the arm rest of the couch, I reached out to stop the video, but Eli grabbed my hand. He didn’t speak, but threaded his fingers with mine. I felt my own tears begin to fall as Eli began begging Jack to stop because he was hurting him, but without the sound, it would have just looked like a drunk Eli was getting fucked hard. And just as Eli had said, he didn’t physically struggle, but only because he was clearly too far gone to fight back. But when Jack began calling him his little whore and asking him if he liked being fucked by a real man, I reached out and slammed the laptop closed. Rage was vibrating through every part of me and I wanted nothing more than to get up and put my fist through a wall.

Eli didn’t react right away when I shoved the offending laptop away, but then he turned so that he was facing me, his head still pressed against my chest. He reached up to run his fingers through the tears that were still falling down my face and then he pulled me down for a kiss. He continued to cry silently as we kissed, but when he pulled me down farther so that our cheeks were pressed together he whispered, “I’m okay.”

I nodded against him because I couldn’t find my voice. When I finally regained the power of speech I breathed, “I love you,” against his ear. The words were repeated back to me and then we just held on to each other and cried for the little boy on the screen who’d just started his journey through hell and back.

Eli hadn’t let go of me for more than a couple of minutes at a time as we’d made our way back to Seattle. After watching the video earlier in the day, I’d texted Jace to tell him Eli and I needed some time to rest. In actuality, we’d ended up falling asleep and we hadn’t woken up until Jace had knocked on the door to bring us some food he’d gotten from a fast food place a few miles away. Caleb had been with him, but hadn’t said much and as we’d eaten, we’d talked briefly about what to do next. It was clear that Caleb would be coming back to Seattle with us, but when Caleb had asked Jace if he was coming too and Jace had said no, Caleb had lost it. Eli had tried to talk to Caleb, but he’d jerked away from Eli’s attempt to comfort him. At that point Jace had taken Caleb outside to talk to him. They’d returned within a few minutes and Jace had announced that he would be traveling with us. Caleb had still looked like he was at his breaking point, but he never once left Jace’s side and the older man hadn’t seemed to have an issue with it.

After Caleb and Jace had returned to their room, I’d waited until Eli had fallen back asleep before calling Ronan to let him know that we would be leaving the following morning. He’d told me he would let the pilot know and that he’d pick us up from the airport. The flight home had been quiet, but unlike when we’d left Seattle, I’d sat next to Eli on one of the small loveseat style seats that faced the interior of the plane rather than the front of it. Caleb and Jace had ended up on the other one and about an hour after takeoff, Caleb had fallen asleep against Jace. I hadn’t missed how often Jace touched Caleb and how he seemed to know exactly when the younger man needed it. I’d already started to feel protective of the teenager since he would have no one but Eli and Eli’s mother after Jack was held accountable for his crimes, and I couldn’t help but wonder if the bond that Caleb and Jace had formed would end up causing Caleb more harm than good. Because I knew Jace and not only was he too old for Caleb, he was also very much the love ‘em and leave ‘em type.

It wasn’t until the plane was in the process of descending that Eli finally began talking beyond providing simple yes and no answers when presented with a question.

“I’m worried about my mom,” he said softly and I suspected it was because he didn’t want to wake Caleb up. “She’s still in Germany, but I don’t know when she’s planning on flying back. And if Caleb’s right about what Jack did to Nick…”

I used my hand to massage the back of Eli’s neck as I said, “I talked to Ronan about your mom last night after you fell back asleep. He’s got someone watching her until you have a chance to talk to her. Ronan’s guy will escort her home when the time comes.”

“This is going to kill her,” Eli said sadly.

“If she’s anything like you, she’ll find the strength to deal with it.”

“She really loves him,” Eli murmured. “I guess I did too,” he added. “Even after everything he did to me, there’d be these moments where he acted like a real dad. That’s fucked up, isn’t it?”

“No,” I said. “I think we compartmentalize the people who hurt us the most so that they become two different people.”

“I wanted him to be Dom,” Eli admitted. “I wanted what Dom had with his real kids.”

“You don’t think Dom thinks of you as one of his own?”

Eli shook his head. “I know he loves me, but I think he’s only ever seen me as the kid he saved. He’s never going to forgive me for this.”

“Eli, none of this was your fault.”

“I let Jack fool me with that video, Mav. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still let him do all those things to me afterwards. I had a choice. Even if I didn’t want it, I still had a choice.”

I sighed as I realized that as much progress as Eli had made in accepting what had happened, he still had a long way to go before he forgave himself for what he perceived as his decisions – his choices. When things settled down, I’d talk to him about getting some professional help since I had no idea how to convince him that he’d never had a choice…not since the day that monster had stepped into his life. And I knew that Eli’s mother and Dom Barretti were going to be just as challenged to forgive themselves for the involuntary roles they’d played in what had happened. My hope was that they were both strong enough to put Eli’s needs above their own.

Eli fell silent and didn’t speak even once we were in Ronan’s SUV headed north towards the city. Caleb and Jace were in the last row in the SUV and while I’d had the option to sit up front in the passenger seat, I’d chosen to sit in back with Eli since his anxiety had ratcheted up when he’d overheard Ronan telling me that he suspected Jack Cortano was on his way to Seattle, if he wasn’t already here. Luckily, Caleb hadn’t heard that news.

“Breathe, baby,” I whispered as I could hear Eli struggling to draw in air.

Eli nodded as he tried to calm himself. The plan was to go to the hotel we’d been using as home base during Matty’s cancer treatments, but the more Eli began to shake next to me, the more I knew he needed all the help he could get.

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