Page 90 of Damon

“Damon, get your emotions in check and have an adult conversation. Now, get out of my way.” He relents by stepping to the side, then Mrs. D disappears with Annie into the hallway. His furious gaze focuses back on me.

“What’s happened?” I ask, almost under my breath.

“You,” he snarls. “You’ve fucking happened.”

“Excuse me,” I shoot back, pushing myself onto my feet. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean you’ve turned my life upside down, and I’m not sure I like it.” His eyes darken then narrow. Damon has always been domineering but this morning he looks deadly. “Nothing is the same as it was.”

“And that’s all my fault?” He presses the lips that have shown me so much love together. His face is a mirage of pain, upset, and confusion. “Are you saying that every change in your life is down to me?” I ask, firmly.

“No, but you’re fucking connected to everything. We’re twisted together by our dark pasts, and it’s toxic.” He crosses his arms over his chest as I walk toward him. I reach for his cheek, but he shies from my touch. “How can we move forward when so much of us is poisoned with the past?”

I look up at him, aching to take him in my arms and prove what we have. He knows what we have; he’s lived it with me for weeks. The joy of waking up next to each other. The hope we both were cultivating for the future as a new family of three.

“Yesterday, you wanted us to move forward,” I whisper, my voice low.

“Last night demonstrated we couldn’t. We have different morals. You can’t be with a man like me, it won’t work, especially not now I’ve stepped fully into the shadows.”

"Did you kill him?” I ask, my assumption being he went through with murdering Brenton, even though I asked him not to. My question sits in the air between us.

He cocks his head to one side then flashes a tight smile. “He’s dead,” he replies. “Brenton took his last breath on that roof, and I’m fucking delighted. I watched the life seep from him. I rejoice in the fact I was there to see justice served.”

“I didn’t ask if he was dead. I asked if you killed him.”

“What if I did? How would that make you feel, knowing I went against your wishes?” he says, his tone sarcastic. “How would you feel knowing you shared a bed with a man like that?”

“Disappointed.” Surprise flickers across his harsh features. “The man I love would listen to me as his partner. He wouldn’t deliberately go against my requests unless it was completely necessary.” My tone is calm, stable, but inside my world is falling apart. I feel him pulling away, and I have no idea how to stop it. If I lose him, I lose Annie. Losing them both means giving up the family I so desperately want. “Did you kill him?” I repeat, aware he hasn’t answered the question.

“All you need to know is that Brenton is dead, and I was there.”

“Do you feel better knowing he’s dead?”

“Of course I fucking do. Connie deserved this outcome. He ordered her death, and I aided his.” My brain files the fact he never admitted to killing him away. His eyes which were focused on mine, flicker around the room as if losing confidence. His large chest rises and falls. “This thing between us, what we have, ends today. We can both move on. This insanity of thinking we can be together stops now.”

“Why? Give me a good reason when we love each other, why we shouldn’t try. Everyone deserves to be happy, even you.”

He bends slightly from the waist, lowering his face so it is merely inches from mine. His breaths are deep; as air leaves his lips it touches my skin.

“Because I will never see you the same way I saw my wife. I don’t need, and never wanted, a replacement.” His statement is like a punch direct to my guts. Sheer pain sears through me as the words sink in. My greatest fear has been thrown at me. He would rather have her.

“A replacement?” I repeat back to him. “What happened to us being our own version of life from now on? What happened to us? You said the words, Damon, not me. You promised me a future with you, with Annie.”

He takes a deliberate step back, closes his eyes, then reopens them and fixes me with a blank stare. His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, and strong muscles flex below his shirt. The short distance between us opens wider with each passing second until it feels unpassable.

“I was wrong,” he says bluntly. “There is no us. In the two years I’ve known you, we have never lived a normal life. Neither of us have a standard past. There was no way this could work and maintain the parameters I require.”

“Parameters? What fucking parameters?” The pain morphs into anger as I listen to the nonsense spewing from his mouth. “Please enlighten me as to the implemented boundaries in our relationship I missed, because I’m sure there were none when you stuck your dick in my mouth.”

“Don’t be so fucking crude,” he mutters, grimacing. “This isn’t about sex, it’s about life. It’s about the family I want my daughter to remember.”

“It’s about her, isn’t it?” I state, even though I already know. “She’s dead, Damon. Gone and not coming back. Why are you trying to destroy us when we could be happy? You don’t need to feel guilty about making a life without Connie in it.”

“She will always be part of mine and Annie’s life,” he responds angrily. “She will always be her mother and…” He trails off before completing the sentence. We stare at each other, and I know what the ending was. He doesn’t need to say it.

“And you will always consider Connie your wife,” I finish for him. His face twists, but he doesn’t argue. My heart breaks as reality smashes me square in the eyes. “You told me you loved me.” I drop my focus from him, needing a moment to compose myself.

“I do,” he says, softer, more like the man I’ve fallen in love with. “But that doesn’t mean we should be together. If last night proved anything it was that we’re both broken, both walking through life on very different paths than we hoped for. Two busted-up individuals won’t make a whole, stable family for Annie. We can’t fix each other. One of us needs to be whole.”

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