Page 26 of Shattered Melodies

I made my way back to the bar, my eyes scanning the crowd for Jace. I found him right where I had left him, his gaze hot and heavy as it raked over my body.

“There you are,” he purred, his voice low and rough with desire. “I was starting to think you had forgotten about me.”

Leaning in close enough to feel the heat of his breath on my skin. “Never. I just had some business to take care of. But now I’m all yours.”

His eyes darkened, a promise of all the filthy things he wanted to do to me. “Is that so? Well then, lead the way.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I grabbed his hand and pulled him through the crowd, my heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and reckless abandon. I knew this was a bad idea, knew that using sex and alcohol to numb the pain was a dangerous game. But I didn’t care. I needed this, needed the escape, the release, the momentary forgetting.

We reached the hallway leading to my dressing room, the dim lighting and narrow walls adding to the illicit thrill of it all. I could feel Jace’s eyes on me, could sense the hunger in his gaze as he watched me fumble with the lock.

As soon as the door was open, he was on me, his hands rough and demanding as they roamed over my body. I let him push me inside, let him slam me up against the wall and claim my mouth in a bruising kiss.

It was exactly what I needed, exactly what I craved. The physicality of it, the raw, animal passion, the way it drowned out everything else until there was nothing but sensation, nothing but the press of his body against mine and the heat of his skin under my hands.

We tore at each other’s clothes, a frantic tangle of limbs and fabric as we stumbled towards the couch. I didn’t care that this was wrong, didn’t care that I was using him, using the sex to chase away the demons that haunted me. All I cared about was the pleasure, the rush, the blessed, blessed escape.

But even as I lost myself in the moment, even as I let the desire consume me, I could feel the memories lurking just beneath the surface, waiting to drag me back down into the darkness.

And then, just as I was teetering on the brink of oblivion, just as I was about to let go and surrender to the ecstasy it happened.

Jace’s grip on me tightened, his fingers digging into my hips as he pulled me closer. And suddenly, I was back there, on that terrible, terrible night. I could feel the crash, could hear the shattering of glass and the sickening crunch of metal. I could taste the blood in my mouth, could feel the pain exploding through every inch of my body.

I gasped, pulling away from Jace as if I had been burned. My heart was pounding, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I fought to shake off the sudden wave of panic.

“Whoa, hey, what’s wrong?” Jace asked, his voice laced with confusion and concern. “Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head, forcing a smile that felt like it might crack my face in two. “No, no, I’m fine. Just got a little dizzy for a second there.”

He frowned, his eyes searching mine for the truth. “Are you sure? We can stop if you want, take a break…”

“No!” The word came out harsher than I intended, sharp with an edge of desperation. “No, I don’t want to stop.”

He hesitated for a moment, but then his desire won out over his doubts. He nodded, pulling me back into his arms and picking up where we had left off.

But it wasn’t the same. The spell was broken, the magic gone. Even as my body responded to his touch, even as the pleasure built and crested and broke over me in shuddering waves I couldn’t escape the memories, couldn’t outrun the ghosts that haunted me.

Afterwards, as we lay there in a tangle of sweat-soaked limbs, I felt a crushing sense of emptiness, a hollow ache in my chest that no amount of sex or alcohol could fill. I knew I should say something, should thank Jace for the distraction or apologize for my erratic behavior.

But I couldn’t find the words, couldn’t summon the energy to care. So I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling as the numbness crept back in, as the familiar weight of despair settled over me like a shroud.

Jace shifted beside me, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at me. “Hey,” he said softly, his voice tinged with a tenderness that made my throat ache. “Are you okay?”

I wanted to laugh, wanted to scream, wanted to tell him that no, I was not okay, that I hadn’t been okay in twenty fucking years and I probably never would be again.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. So I just nodded, forcing another smile that felt like a lie. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tired, you know? It’s been a long night.”

He nodded, pressing a soft kiss to my shoulder before standing up and reaching for his clothes. “I should probably get going. Early day tomorrow.”

I watched him dress, a strange mix of relief and regret churning in my gut. Part of me wanted him to stay, wanted to beg him not to leave me alone with my thoughts and my memories and my endless, aching grief.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t. So I just lay there, watching him walk out the door and out of my life, taking with him the brief, fleeting respite from the pain.

And then I was alone again, alone with the ghosts and the regrets and the knowledge that no matter how far I ran, no matter how many strangers I fucked or bottles I drained I would never be free.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind Jace seemed to echo in the sudden stillness of the dressing room. I sat there for a long moment, staring at nothing, the emptiness inside me yawning wider with every passing second.

I reached for the bottle again, my fingers curling around the neck with a familiarity that should have scared me. But before I could bring it to my lips, Jimmy’s words drifted through my mind, his voice soft but insistent.

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