Page 19 of Flowers Go Flying in Crumbleton

‘And Elizabeth!’ came the bride’s slightly muffled whine in the background.

‘Yeah… and the wife! Anyway, we’re at the airport. Just wanted to leave you a message before we catch our flight. We wanted to say - don’t worry – you didn’t ruin anything.’

‘Well, he did a little bit,’ huffed Elizabeth.

‘Okay,’ agreed Philip. ‘She’s right, you did ruin things a little bit. Everything ran late for a while – after waiting for the ambulance and all that – but we made up most of the time by cutting each course of the meal down to seven minutes. That fixed it…’

‘Only because we missed dessert!’ hissed Elizabeth.

‘Yeah. That. Anyway, we had a brilliant time…’

‘Apart from Josh’s speech – tell him, Philip!’

‘Apart from Josh’s speech!’ Philip agreed. ‘It went on forever. We had to call our own toast to shut him up in the end, but he just carried on again afterwards and he was still going when we left!’

‘That’s our flight!’ Elizabeth squealed. ‘Our flight just got called. Hang up already!’

‘Catch you when we get back.’

‘Give me the phone!’

‘Don’t snatch, woman!’

That was the end of the message. Murray let out a long sigh.

‘No, no,’ he said to thin air. ‘I’m fine… don’t worry about me… in fact - don’t even ask how my head is!’

The phone beeped as it clicked through to the next message.

‘Dude, it’s Josh.’

‘Ah maaan!’ sighed Murray, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes as he wondered what he’d done in a previous life to deserve this.

‘Way to go for looking like a total knob by headbutting a bunch of flowers!’ Josh’s voice was full of laughter. ‘Seriously though, mate – I’m sorry that happened to you.’

He didn’t sound very sorry. In fact, he sounded… gleeful.

‘Anyway, just wanted to tell you not to worry – I jumped in and saved the day. Good thing I had a speech prepared, eh?’

Murray tutted and rolled his eyes before thinking better of it – it made everything hurt.

‘Everyone loved it. I guess it was more meaningful and heartfelt coming from me anyway… you know… considering I actually know Philip! Plus… you know… I didn’t embarrass them by getting knocked on my butt by a bunch of flowers. By the way - you nearly ruined their honeymoon by making them late for their flight!’

Murray let out a low growl.

‘A-ny-way,’ Josh’s voice continued in a self-congratulatory singsong, ‘would you like to hear my speech – just so you’re in the loop?’

‘No!’ Murray yelled at the machine, but it clearly didn’t hear him because Josh’s voice turned into a strange kind of monotone as he started to read.

‘My lords, ladies and gentlemen – welcome to best man two-point-oh…’

‘Seriously?!’ huffed Murray. One thing was for sure, he wasn’t about to stand there and listen to the idiot waffle on for an age. He quickly skipped to the next message.

‘Hi! I hope this is the right number for Murray Eddington, best man from the Williams wedding at the Dolphin and Anchor on Saturday?’

‘I wish it wasn’t!’ murmured Murray.

‘This is Caroline Cook, editor of the Crumbleton Times and Echo. I’d love to get an interview with you about what happened. I hope you’re feeling better. I’m going to be running a feature on the incident this week. Front page. I’m still trying to track down a picture, but a few words from you would be great. I’m hoping Milly Rowlands from the flower shop will give me a quote about the flowers – maybe something about how often people get into life-threatening fisticuffs with bridal bouquets… add a bit of humour to the tragedy of the accident, you know? Anyway, call me!’

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