Page 5 of Flowers Go Flying in Crumbleton

Spectacularly.

Today – at long last – they were both going to be in the same place at the same time again… and he had every intention of saying hello.

He couldn’t make too much of a plonker out of himself at a wedding, could he?

‘Other than the fact that you’re rowing across the marshes in a suit!’ he muttered. That counted as pretty plonker-worthy!

He really should have waited to get changed at the Dolphin and Anchor, but he hadn’t wanted to let the side down by turning up wearing his usual dragged-through-a-hedge-backwards look. There were bound to be guests milling around everywhere, and he didn’t want to give a bad impression. He didn’t go to many weddings – but even he knew that no one wanted an animated scarecrow wandering around, frightening the guests.

If he was being completely honest, Murray didn’t really know how the whole event was meant to pan out. Other than keeping an eye on the groom so that he didn’t scarper before the “I Do” part of proceedings, he wasn’t sure what else there was to his role. He did want to get it right, though.

Come to think of it, in this case, “getting it right” might have included staying at the hotel the night before the wedding rather than still being stuck in the boat with less than an hour to go before the ceremony was due to start.

Murray promptly did his best to speed up a bit, and then let out a frustrated huff as the jacket’s sleeves threatened to strangle his biceps. At this rate, it was going to take forever to reach the stone wharf near Crumbleton’s City Gates.

Okay – it was time to take the bloomin’ thing off. He should have done it ages ago… but he hadn’t wanted to risk splashing himself with stinky marsh water in the process!

Resting the oars carefully down, Murray wriggled around, trying to ease his way out of the ridiculous thing without dunking one of the tails overboard in the process.

‘Come on, come on, come on!’ he muttered.

Great. Now he was half-in and half-out of the jacket… and he had a nasty feeling he was stuck. Doing his best to squash the desire to rip it off and toss the whole thing overboard, Murray let out a frustrated growl… and then jumped when the jacket growled right back at him.

‘What the actual…?’ he gasped, grabbing onto the edge of the boat as it rocked precariously beneath him.

The hunting heron launched into the sky in a flurry of wings and water droplets, clearly startled by his sudden shout. For a brief moment, Murray wished he could follow her. Instead, he started to pat the twisted mess of seams, lining and pockets, searching for his mobile phone – which was still vibrating somewhere inside the jacket. The minute he managed to free it, Murray glanced at the screen and let out a groan.

‘Josh,’ he sighed. Again.

This had been the biggest drawback of agreeing to Philip’s best man request. Josh had been calling him pretty much solidly ever since. Murray might not know what was going on between the two friends, but Josh had made it more than clear that he wasn’t happy Murray had stolen his thunder.

Every single time he called, he’d offered suggestions for the best man speech - jokes that would have Philip on his knees with embarrassment, and hints as to why the bride was “settling.”

Murray had done his best to ignore it all – including Josh’s regular reminder that he was bound to make a total hash of things, but not to worry because Josh would be waiting in the wings to save the day.

‘Josh,’ he muttered as he answered the call. ‘What do you want?’

‘What crawled up your butt, grumpy pants?’ came Josh’s greeting.

Murray bit his lip. The temptation to answer “you” was almost unbearable.

‘Erm… this isn’t a good time,’ he said instead.

‘Right, right… because you’ve finally realised that I’m the right person for the job?’ said Josh. ‘I’m guessing you’ve decided not to turn up? See – I told Philip you were completely unreliable. This was bound to happen… the minute he asked someone who lives in a flippin’ boat-’

‘I thought you and Philip weren’t talking?’ said Murray, not sure whether to be amused at Josh’s total desperation about something as trivial as being asked to be best man, or annoyed because the guy was such a total prat.

‘We’re talking,’ huffed Josh. ‘I mean… he’s been really busy, so it’s been mostly via messages and I’ve left some on his landline too. I just think he deserves to know that I’m the right guy for the job, that’s all. As his best friend!’

Murray smirked. He could only imagine the hundreds of voicemails Philip had been treated to if his own almost-nightly calls from Josh were anything to go by.

‘Anyway,’ said Josh, ‘it’s obvious you aren’t going to make it. I’ll deal with the flower delivery and I’ve got a speech prepared because I just knew something like this was going to happ—’

‘Don’t bother,’ said Murray easily. ‘I’m on my way right now.’

‘No one wants you here!’ squeaked Josh.

Murray almost dropped his phone in amusement. ‘Weird how they invited me, then,’ he chuckled. ‘Anyway, Josh, gotta dash… I’ve got a wedding to get to.’

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