Page 149 of The Sidekick

Tera

Once they’re both gone, I change and try to look somewhat less grungy. I don’t put too much effort into it because I’m dreading my next steps. I put my socks and shoes on and throw my hair up in a high ponytail, pretending that I’m getting ready for work so it’s a little easier. I make myself another smoothie and put it in the fridge for later. Without anything else to distract me, I chew my nails and stare at my phone.

I take a deep, cleansing breath and picture Asher’s sexy grin as I release it. I can do this. Without giving myself time for second thoughts, I text Max.

Me: I would like to collect my laptop please.

It’s already sent before I notice how formal and unemotional it is. I sound like a computer. A pissy computer. Should I unsend?

Max: We’re both at the bar. It’s here with us.

I want to beg him to bring it to me. I bet he would, but that defeats the purpose of my fifteen pep talks this morning. My budding relationship with Asher, even though it’s so new it sparkles, has brought home to me that not all interactions with people are bad. I used to know that, and I’m sad that the happy-go-lucky attitude is gone.

I want that back. I want my life back. I don’t want to be this stammering, fearful mess.

That means that I have to actually make an effort at getting myself out of the funk.

Why can’t there be magic in the world? I could whip up some exotic brew and drink my problems out of existence.

Since that isn’t an option, I take the plunge.

Me: I will be there in thirty minutes.

I give myself an extra buffer of time because I know I’m going to sit in the car sweating and building up my paranoia. I glance at the two pills lying on the counter and swallow hard. It is definitely a two-pill kind of day.

I’m behind the wheel with the car started when the nausea hits. I try to breathe through it, but it builds and builds. I have the phone in my hand, and Asher’s name pulled up without conscious thought.

“I miss you.” His voice washes over me. I can suddenly breathe again.

This is absolutely ridiculous. I feel like an idiot as my body comes down from violent tremors to jittery hands. I’m like a barnacle that can no longer exist without being attached to the guy. If I’m not careful, he’s going to run screaming.

“I miss you, too.” He’s so sweet for an obsessed stalker. Who answers with an I miss you when we’ve been apart for an hour? I feel like this is a red flag, but I really miss him, too. Maybe it cancels out?

“Talk to me. What are you doing right now?” Asher sounds relaxed. I can barely hear Shade in the background making some kind of snarky comment.

“I’m sitting in my car trying to convince myself that I can do this without peeing my pants or puking.” Too honest, Tera.

“We both know you can.” His absolute faith in my strength is sweet and totally misplaced.

“If you could repeat that about seventy more times, I’d appreciate it.”

“You know the rules,” his tone drops, and my nipples peak at the subtle threat. Either I believe him, or some unknown punishment is coming my way. I swallow hard. The thought of being punished by him isn’t as off-putting as it should be.

I’m driving before I realize it and huff a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” He breaks the silence we’ve been in. I wonder how bad it is that we’re on the phone, not really talking to each other, but neither of us has hung up.

“I started driving without noticing. I was trying to figure out what the punishment would be if I didn’t listen, and I started auto-piloting.”

Why? Why can my mouth not stop?

“We haven’t discussed any of that, have we? I’d rather it be in person instead of the phone. I can meet you now.”

“No!” I squeal and startle myself. Is he serious? He wants to discuss rules and punishments? I have to be dreaming. “You have to work, and I have to get it together. We have responsibilities.”

“Does it bother you?” His tone turns serious, and I frown at the dashboard as if I could see him.

“That we have responsibilities? Kind of. I’d rather be at home snuggling. I hate having bills.”

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