Page 176 of The Sidekick

“He said he didn’t need to be coddled. That I was only there for Max because he had been bugging him about me for a long time and he just… gave in. He didn’t want anything from me. He just wanted Max to be happy. If he had just told me that in the beginning, I would never have done it.”

“Because you want them both,” Asher says softly as his fingers slide up and down my throat. The motion is soothing, and my stomach decides to settle enough that I get comfortable again.

“I know it’s selfish,” I make a disgusted face and shake my head. “I’m sorry.”

“No saying I’m sorry for what you need, angel,” his tone brooks no argument. I give him a hesitant nod. “He told you that he lied about it, right?”

“He also pretends to be a really nice, caring guy. He’s not. How can I believe him? He just wants Max to have his toy back. That’s all I am to him. I’ve been staying away from him because I always end up doing whatever he says. I’m so grateful that you can stop that.”

His eyes shift to the cushions behind me as he frowns. “I make it easier for you to ignore him?”

“I…,” I swallow hard, unsure if he wants to hear just how needy I am when it comes to him. Especially since we just had a fight. His fingers flex as his eyes meet mine again. “I feel safe with you. I don’t think you would let me do something that will hurt me.”

His eyes shut and his forehead touches mine. “I won’t. I’m glad you know that.”

We lay in silence for a little bit. I begin to feel sleepy again. All of this angst has worn me out.

“What about Max?” Asher whispers suddenly. I thought he was almost asleep too. “Has he told you what he wants?”

“For everything to work and I don’t see how,” I can’t help how sad that comes out. “How can it feel so right with him when he already has someone he loves? He doesn’t think of me as a plaything. He says he wants me to stay. I didn’t mean to hurt him when I ran. I just couldn't take it anymore. Someone took away my happy filter at some point, and I finally saw what everyone else sees when they look at me. I never want him to look at me like that too.”

“He never will,” the set-in-stone voice assures me. “How could he when you’re two sides of the same coin? What happened after you left?”

I close my eyes tightly so I don’t have to see his expression while I talk. “I lost it. I remember waking up one day and thinking I couldn’t keep doing this. I wasn’t eating. I slept all the time and cried when I was awake. I was tired of sleeping in my car and tired of driving. Everything seemed so pointless. I didn’t like who I was anymore. I was sitting in my car trying to figure out what to do, and there it was. A sign for a therapist. It seemed like I was supposed to end up there, so I stayed.”

“You were gone for four months, right?” His voice is tight as he pulls me closer.

“I don’t really know. I lost track of everything because I was scared. I didn’t know what to do or where to go. I wanted to hide for as long as I could so I could get it together. Dr. Robinson helped me out a lot. I have an appointment with her tomorrow for a progress report. I can’t forget.”

“I’ll remind you in the morning.”

“You’re staying?” My eyes blink open in surprise.

“I’m staying.” It’s one of those Asher carved-in-stone statements, and I frown.

“You don’t have to, I’m good. I roll around in my sleep a lot. You won’t be comfortable.”

He pulls his head back to give me an incredulous look.

“What? I’m not very upset anymore. We’re good.”

“Yup, we’re good. And going to bed,” he rolls off the couch, and I’m expecting a loud thump, but no, he catches himself and springs to his feet.

I narrow my eyes at him as he offers me his hand. “Could you not be so graceful all the time? It’s gross.”

“I hit my head on a shelf the other day if it helps,” he smiles and wiggles his hand.

“A little,” I pout and grab the offer for help up. “Are you ok? Or does it still hurt?”

His smile gets stronger as he pulls me towards the bedroom. “I’m good.”

He doesn’t let go of my hand, even when he flips the covers back. I think about going to wash my feet off for a second and then decide I’m too tired for that. I’ll change the sheets tomorrow. I crawl to the other side and lay with my back to him.

“You don’t want to take the dress off?”

“I’m lazy.” It’s a total lie. I’m not taking this off again, inside out or not. He’s not wearing a shirt, and he’s the worst form of temptation right now.

He makes a thoughtful hum of sound. I hear him getting undressed more before he slides behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. If he’s trying to keep me from touching him again, he’s failing. Good call on staying clothed.

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