Page 183 of The Sidekick

That’s what this is, I realize with a start. A relationship. Something to build on and he’s trying to make a sturdy foundation so the real work can begin. He really isn’t in this just to get off or have a laugh at my expense. The seriousness of it gives me pause, which surprises me. This is everything I’ve ever wanted and he’s offering it to me without being asked. It’s really weird. I’ve never had that with anyone I’ve dated.

The suspicions rear their ugly heads, and I wilt in my seat. It’s too good to be true. When will the other shoe drop and he reveals himself to be an arch nemesis with a mustache to twirl evilly?

I shake my head at my nonsensical thoughts and try to focus.

“I don’t know if I can give rules,” I mutter and look anywhere but at him as I stumble through it. “I can only give you things I want? Things I’ve dreamed of. If it’s too much, I understand.”

“No tightropes, angel. That’s what we’re working on. Tell me, I want to know everything.” His set-in-stone voice returns and I take a deep breath.

“I’m angry about the running rule, but I think you’re right. It is dangerous, and I don’t want to get hurt. I tend to bubblehead my way through life and I’d like that to stop. That’s my job, though, I need to do that for myself.”

“I’ll help any way you’re comfortable with.”

I nod as my brows furrow. “I agree with the Trevor thing, too. It feels like a cop-out, but I need it. You’re right about that. Within reason. The pen thing is a little silly. If I feel like I don’t need it as much, we can talk about it and move things around until we’re both ok with it.”

His shoulders drop as he takes a shuddering breath. “Thank you, angel.”

“You’re too perfect to be real and it scares me.” The words fall out of my mouth and I wince.

“I’m not perfect,” he protests as his shoulders tense up again.

“Maybe not to you,” my mind flashes back to Max’s speech about wanting me to see myself through his eyes. It clicks finally with a painful clarity. “You are to me, though. I don’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable. I just want you to see you like I do.”

“I’m fucking insane over you,” I watch his hand shake as he reaches for a spice I don’t recognize.

“So? It goes both ways,” another wince as I reveal too much about my obsession with him.

“And when I fuck up? What then?” His words are tight and his movements are angry.

“You’d be just like me,” I can’t help the little giggle that comes out. “I was going to get out of your class the second day I was there.”

“Why?” He cuts in and turns to me sharply with a scowl.

“I felt connected to you and it scared me. I’m the bubble head that jumps without looking. I’m trying to fix that. You were a test I wasn’t ready for. And then you forgot to say namaste, and it made me realize that you aren’t some golden god sent from heaven. You’re a man. Simple as that. All those other women didn’t feel bad about giving you attention, so why should I?”

His brow rises as the scowl eases. “You never gave me attention.”

“Yes, I did,” I protest with a frown. “You just didn’t have your glasses on.”

“I knew I should have refilled my contacts faster,” he mutters.

“Uh oh,” I let out a full laugh. It feels freeing to do it, so I let it happen for as long as I can. “I’ll n-never know when I’m hiding or not. It’ll be a mystery.” I wiggle my fingers and he gives a surprised bark of laughter.

“If you hadn’t stood so far away, I would have seen.” He points out helpfully. I wait for him to turn back to the stove to stick out my tongue.

“I didn’t mean to get your attention. I want to be invisible.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” he laughs and I pout.

“If no one can see me, then I don’t have to deal with how hateful everyone is.”

“Yeah, that’s a part of life that sucks,” he agrees easily. It surprises me.

“Why would anyone be mean to you?” I wonder out loud and he shrugs.

“People are people, and when they see something that doesn’t fit their version of what’s right, they try to stomp it out. It doesn’t mean we break, angel. We bend and dodge so we can time the perfect hit.”

I start giggling again. “I’m not a fighter.”

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