Page 193 of The Sidekick

“Anyway,” I push on to wipe out those thoughts. “Everybody has that person they can be themselves with if they’re really lucky. No pretending stuff because you know each other well enough not to go too far. Like having the rules. Asher set up some, and we discussed what would work so we’re both comfortable. It’s nice to have everything laid out like that. I mean, sometimes. Not all of the rules are perfect, and we need to work on some of them, but it’s a start.”

“A foundation.”

“Exactly,” I sigh at his easy acceptance. He’s following my thoughts perfectly.

“Max and I have rules.”

“Yeah. It involves numbers,” I wince at the blurted words.

“I figured numbers are an easy way to get the point across without telling everyone the punishment.”

“Max knows the punishment,” I nod thoughtfully. “He’s the only one that needs to because he’s the only one that matters.”

Trevor blinks at that, eventually nodding.

“See? You guys are perfect,” I beam at him in approval.

“If I told you what the punishment was, would you still panic when I count?”

I gape at him in surprise. Would I?

“I don’t know. Does it involve hurting him? I don’t like that.”

“Sometimes,” he shrugs easily. “Not something that would really hurt him, though. Things that he can tolerate within limits. We’ve got that set up already.”

“You’ve been together for long enough. It’s easy for you guys. I’m so jealous. I’m on a maiden voyage, and you guys have sailed around the world seventy times.”

He chokes up laughing at my pout.

“I knew this kind of thing was out there. Who wouldn’t at this point? I never thought it might apply to me until I talked to Dr. Robinson. I knew there was something weird about me. Mom said it all the time. I just thought it was how I could see good in people when she couldn’t. Our wires got crossed in the explanation.”

“I don’t think they did, babygirl,” Trevor says grimly. “I think she wanted you to be someone you couldn’t and tried to force it on you.”

“I can’t be a lady? Says who? You? You’re a big meanie, and you don’t count.” I glare at him as I firm my lips. I can be whoever I want, and he can’t stop me.

“She wanted you to obey her without question.”

His answer makes me cringe. My eyes drop to the keys on my computer. He’s right. I asked so many questions when I was little. She always got mad about it. I questioned everything from why Dad left to why we went to church on Sundays. I didn’t stop until she got angry. I slowly learned not to ask anything and just accept it as it was.

“I stopped asking,” I admit with shame. “It was easier to give in so I could stay happy.”

A warm hand settles over mine to flatten my fingers on the desk with its weight.

“You can ask me whatever you want.”

“You’ll get mad,” I shake my head in refusal. He’s giving me an opening. I should be bursting with questions. Talking about my Mom has put the fear back into me.

“I always get mad.”

I give him a flat look at his glib response. He smiles at me with a cocky expression.

“What? I know myself. I’m not going to lie to you about it anymore. All we have to do is sit here and work through it together.”

“Can Max referee? I feel like that would be better.” My mumble comes out weak with dread.

“If it gets too bad, say your safe word. I’ll grab Max, and we can work through it. Deal?”

I debate my options and glance at the phone in my lap. I can’t call Asher for this one. Trevor doesn’t want other people to know his secrets any more than Asher or I do ours.

---