Page 194 of The Sidekick

“Deal,” I say with a firm nod, trying to shore up my bravery for this.

We stare at each other without saying anything.

“Maybe you should start,” I wilt quickly.

“I was mad you left.”

He says it flatly, and a muscle clenches in his jaw.

“I’m mad you didn’t tell me I was a toy for your boyfriend before you let me give him a handjob,” I fire back. When the words actually settle in, my jaw drops in horror. I can’t believe I just said that!

“I lied to drive you away,” his teeth clench over the words as his scowl grows. “I’ve told you that several times.”

“I’m sorry,” I try to backtrack quickly. “That just came out because if you’re mad, then it’s ok for me to be mad. That’s what Shade said. I didn’t mean to say it.”

He blinks in surprise and leans back with a huff of breath.

“Should we start over?” I ask hesitantly.

“No,” he says thoughtfully. “Let’s keep going.”

I don’t want to, but I nod anyway.

“I’m going to tell you why I did it. I think you won’t be able to ask, and I want to get it over with.”

I cringe in sympathy and nod again. He’s not wrong. It’s his story, and I don’t want to poke the bear snarling in front of me.

“I was dating a girl. She was one of the nicest people I ever met. We dated for four years, almost five.”

He looks away from me as his jaw starts clenching again. I stay quiet so he’ll keep going. Hearing him talk about this mystery woman makes my heart twist. Why is it ok for him to be in love with Max when the second he starts talking about someone else, I start feeling angry and inferior?

“I thought I was in love with her,” he admits.

The inferiority gets worse. I can’t measure up to a perfect memory. Why am I doing this to myself?

“Don’t run,” he snaps, and my eyes jerk up to meet his in surprise. How did he know I was thinking about walking away?

I nod weakly and start chewing my lower lip with nerves.

“I thought it. I wasn’t. Max proved that to me.”

I stay quiet as his anger mounts.

“I put up with more shit from Max than I have anyone in my entire life, and I’m still with him. We fight. We argue. I didn’t have those things with her. I thought that was how it should be. She bent to everything I wanted without a complaint.”

I do that. Oh no. Am I just like her? Is he waiting for her to come back?

I can’t meet his eyes anymore.

He clears his throat, trying to calm down or gain my attention. When I don’t look up, he continues grimly. “I rode motorcycles back then.”

Another thing I never knew about him.

“I was in an accident. I had to have a few surgeries to get my leg back into working order.”

The pins. I wince in sympathy.

“I’m so sorry.”

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