Page 57 of The Sidekick

One month without you. Max is talking to me again. He hates the sight of me. I deserve it.

Chapter Twenty-One

Max

I notice the stiffness in her body and dismiss it. I can understand being a little hesitant at my blatant assault of affection. Jesus, I’ve missed her so much I don’t want to let go. The relief of having her in front of me, held against me where she belongs, overrides my rage, fear, and worries in one fell swoop. The lack of those three emotions leaves me a little light-headed as I shamelessly smell her neck and hair. I don’t care if it’s creepy. I’m starving for anything of her I can snatch up.

When her hands pat at my ribs, I inhale shakily again. She’s changed her soap to something plain instead of the sweet honeysuckle I’m used to. I need to get her some and fix that immediately.

It isn’t until I notice that she isn’t hugging me back that I draw away, leaving my arms tight around her waist so I can see her face.

The solemn look is nothing like I’ve ever seen on her before and a shiver of unease rolls down my spine. There’s no mischievous grin, not that I should have expected that, but there’s also a lack of some of the sparkle she’s maintained throughout everything she’s gone through. It’s sobering to stare into her soft blue eyes and see only sorrow and guilt.

I pull farther back and take her face in my hands as gently as I can, even though they’re shaking so hard it makes the move clumsy instead of comforting. She’s gotten so thin. Dangerously thin. She looks like she hasn’t slept in weeks. What the fuck has been happening to her?

“Bebé,” I choke out, but I can’t continue as her eyes snap away from mine, and she steps back, out of my reach. It’s like watching a shield of ice appear, blocking my way to her physically and emotionally.

My breath puffs out as if she gut-punched me, and a sharp stabbing sensation pierces my chest. She’s never refused to let me touch her before, even when I was a total dick to her. The stark contrast of the Tera I knew and the person standing before me hits me in the face like a slap. I’m in unknown territory here, and I’m not sure what to do.

My first instinct is to call Trevor in a panic. I stomp that down forcefully. He’s part of the reason she’s like this. Fuck his advice. It’s always shaded with his wants when it comes to her, and I’m not listening again. I’ll have to feel this one out on my own.

“I’m sorry, Max.” She breaks the silence, her eyes filling with tears that don’t fall down her cheeks as she fights against them. The old Tera would have let them flow without fear. “I left without saying anything or … I’m just sorry.”

Somehow, the words I’ve practiced saying in my head over and over since she left deserts me at that moment. Yeah, I’m pissed she ran, and I want nothing more than to yell at her for it. She doesn’t seem to realize that she just gave me a gift by coming back, giving me the chance to rant at her for leaving. That anger isn’t going away any time soon.

It isn’t her that deserves it, though, is it?

That’s it, I’m killing him. The man I love has walked himself straight to the gallows, and he has no idea yet.

When Trevor finally broke down and confessed what he said to her, I lost my shit on him. I spent the first month seething in rage as we tried desperately to find her. When we couldn’t, and she didn’t contact either of us, I was ready to walk away from him. Fuck him and his stupid emotions at that moment. He was wrong to lie to her, and he knew it. The fucker knew it and still did it.

Trevor may have control of himself in his interactions with me, but I was wrong to trust him to know how to handle Tera’s emotions. He pushes people away when they get too close for his comfort level. She inadvertently triggered memories of his bitch ex when she tried to take care of him. I learned the hard way about that when we first got together, but Tera knows nothing about it. Not that it would have mattered. His rejection was the final nail in the coffin of her confidence when she was barely holding on as it was.

While we’ve been hoping that someday she might return, she’s been building armor so she won’t get hurt again.

Telling her that Trevor is an insensitive dick isn’t going to work for this Tera. He will have to crawl for her forgiveness, and I can’t wait to watch his knees get bloody. It’s wrong for me to feel sick pleasure at the thought. I love him, but he owes her that, at the very least. I just need to make sure she gets it.

“I was just about to get ready for work,” I break the extended silence awkwardly and wince. “You want to come in?”

“Um,” she frowns as she stares at the house, wavering over the politeness of accepting and the need I can see on her face to run away. She takes a deep breath and releases it, muttering, “Sure, what will it hurt.”

I nod and reach to offer her my hand before dropping it back to my side quickly. For once, I don’t want to push something. I’ve been waiting for months to see her again. I can swallow my feelings down until she comes back to me. I refuse to think it will end any other way.

I study her as we quietly walk the half a block to the house. She’s lost a lot of weight, and I choke back the urge to demand she eat something. What curves she has left are covered by large, ill-fitting clothes. Gone are the vibrant colors she loves, replaced by grays and blacks. The tiny shorts and flirty dresses of last summer are now loose jeans that don’t give any hint of her figure beneath. A manifestation of the changes in her point of view that I want to obliterate with no idea how I’ll manage it.

She doesn’t fill the silence with happy chatter or even glance my way as we walk. She focuses on her feet as she trudges beside me without the smile I miss so damn much.

When we get inside, I’m even less sure what to say to her as we awkwardly stand in the living room. We’re suddenly strangers, unsure what’s safe to talk about. I knew I missed her idle talk, but it’s never hit me quite this hard as she stands before me, looking around.

“It’s a nice place.”

I frown at the listless sound of her voice. “I’ve always wanted somewhere away from the bar.”

A smile flirts on her lips before falling back into the solemn look.

Floundering for conversation, I go into the bedroom to change, leaving her in silence. Part of me is hoping she fills the quiet, but she doesn’t. It scares the shit out of me because she used to never be able to keep quiet.

On the off chance she might run, I leave the door open and change quickly. She never leaves the living room and stands right where I left her, looking at the decor without much interest.

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