Page 139 of The Villain

I snap my finger in a loud pop of sound and point at the couch. I’m not losing my voice yelling like a fool.

His mouth opens and closes as he looks from my pointing finger to the couch. He stalks to it and drops down but braces his elbows on his knees to watch me.

“You are not kicking me out. I’m not going anywhere.”

That’s his first thought? I just got him here, right where I want him. This man makes no sense to me.

He told me he loves me, that I’m his, which is a deep-seated emotion that isn’t pleasant from what I’ve seen on other people. But Tera tells me it’s the most amazing feeling and freeing. How do I make him easy with it and less guarded? I’d like a picture of amazing and freeing.

I guess I need to be patient. I’m not sure what else I can do. I’ll make it a hunting game, he’ll never know.

I shuffle through the bags and set his snack and soda on the table in front of him. He stares at it as if it’s the most confusing thing he’s ever seen.

I leave him there to go around the house stashing lube everywhere, set the toys down in one of the drawers for later, and clean my razor. I take the strap to resharpen it into the living room and set it up.

“Talk to me,” he says in a whisper as he finishes his drink. I notice the snack is almost gone too. I wonder if that’s what helped calm him down. He suddenly looks defeated over there. His cycle of emotions is baffling. I need to study up and figure out triggers and remedies.

“I stopped at a convenience store and an adult shop while I was out. It seemed efficient if you want to stay home again. I browsed for too long, I guess. I’m not kicking you out and no, you aren’t going anywhere.”

I stop sharpening to give him a pointed look. “Which is what I want to discuss.”

“Can you stop sharpening the razor while we talk?” He eyes me with a frown.

I glance at the strap and back at him in confusion. “Why?”

“You don’t think it’s a little intimidating?” He glares.

“I would never use this on you, even if you asked.” Why in the hell would he think I would? “Consider it a ban. I like giving it the treatment it deserves. It’s been helpful more often than not and it started dulling after the second guy. I don’t like putting off a job that needs to be done unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

He drops his face into his hands.

“I don’t get you.”

“I’m the same.” I set aside the razor and strap for the moment. This seems like a sticking point when it shouldn’t be.

“What do you mean?” His hands fall to dangle between his knees as he frowns at me.

“I haven’t learned enough about you yet to make sure I keep you happy. Study only gives me so much, especially when you have the control you do. It’s difficult to decipher the right emotional triggers as it is. I want you to walk me through your feelings tonight and help me understand so I’m better prepared for next time.”

He stares at me with a blank face. He’s studying me like I’m an unknown species. I do that all the time so I recognize it and stay still.

“I was angry he showed up at Tera’s house,” he begins haltingly. “I left because I didn’t want you caught up any more than you already are. I wanted Matthias dealt with so he would leave us alone. Melissa, or Megan, wasn’t factored in. And then you came and you were pissed. I wanted to be home with you but I had to tie things up. Then I got home and you weren’t here and I panicked.”

“Panic. Anger. Worry.”

“Fear.”

I glance at him. “I have the most trouble with that one.”

“I noticed,” he deadpans.

“Why were you afraid?”

His jaw clenches as anger rises.

I hold up a finger and narrow my eyes. “Just so you know I have permission to ignore you when you tell me to fuck off. Now, continue.”

“I was afraid you were running from me,” he bites out through clenched teeth.

---