Page 4 of Hot Life

She interrupted warmly. “Please, call me Akilah.”

“Akilah, I’ve heard of your excellent work in obstetrics and that’s why I brought my wife here. However, you should know that we are only interested in a health at every size model of care. It would seem your nurses aren’t familiar with that approach, and I’d like to make sure you are before we continue here.” Cedric rubbed my knuckle gently. He was so attentive now. So affectionate. The complete opposite of how he’d been not too long ago. My heart warmed with love for him.

Dr. Kamara straightened as she looked to all of us. “I am an inclusive practitioner and advocate for health at every size. We don’t use BMI charts here, as that metric of measuring weight is arbitrary and outdated, among other things. I will speak with your previous nurse, and Dorthea?” She looked to me now. “If anyone made you feel uncomfortable, I offer my apologies. You can count on the fact that I’ll call a staff meeting to reiterate how we practice medicine here.”

My shoulders loosened slightly at the sincerity in her tone. It was nice to know that coming to my appointments wouldn’t be a battle against weight prejudice each time. I liked to tease Cedric for his over-tending, but it was times like this I was so thankful he was here looking out for me. I was glad he was out there looking out for others too. How lucky each of his patients was. No wonder everyone treated him like a god. He deserved it.

Desmond spoke first in his deep gruff. “That sounds good to me. What do you think, baby?”

I put my hand atop his on my knee. “Thank you, Dr. Kamara, that does make me feel better.”

“If I may ask, are you folks in an open relationship? I only ask for sexually transmitted disease testing considerations for the pregnancy.”

I cleared my throat. It was the first time I was explaining our dynamic to an outsider. Surprisingly, it wasn’t as embarrassing as I’d envisioned it to be. “I was open previously in my marriage to Cedric…then I met Desmond and now it’s just the three of us. I am monogamous with them and they are with me. We are each others only sexual partners, if that’s what you’re asking. We’ve all been tested for STDs.”

She nodded before checking something on her clipboard. “Wonderful. I just returned from visiting family in Nigeria. Polyamory is practiced in many parts of Africa, actually. I have polyamorous friends.” She smiled and I instantly felt at ease. Somehow Cedric chose the most perfect obstetrician for me. I squeezed his hand in gratitude. Dr. Kamara continued, “And do you know who the biological father is or…” She trailed off.

Desmond answered. “We have a big family. Dolly’s sister and her wife also live with us. We all consider the baby ours. So the biological side of it doesn’t matter. It’s not something we’re interested in knowing.”

“It sounds like you all have a tight-knit crew. I’m happy to see a pregnant person with so much support and love surrounding them. It’s very refreshing. I’ll make a note in your chart that you’re not interested in paternity testing so no one gives you trouble about that.”

She then directed me onto the exam table. Thankfully Cedric had the good sense and expertise to change the table paper when we were done with our…wait. Each husband took places on either side of my shoulders. After covering my legs with a sheet and pulling my dress up to my ribs, I gripped both of their hands as my doctor squeezed chilly jelly-like liquid onto my lower abdomen. “By your chart, it looks like you should be about eleven weeks, but with this doppler we’ll be able to date your pregnancy more accurately.” She dimmed the lights and wheeled what looked like a small television next to her.

“Will this hurt her?” Desmond breathed. It was the first time, maybe ever, I’d heard hesitance in his sure voice. The butterflies I’d always felt with him fluttered beneath the cold goo.

Dr. Kamara smiled with warmth. “No, not at all. This will just give us a peek at the baby and hopefully identify a heartbeat, if she’s far enough along.”

The silver wand pressed into my belly and static sounded through the speakers on the screen. I watched idly, not sure what I was supposed to be looking for. Cedric’s brow furrowed as his blue eyes squinted, undoubtedly making out more of what was going on than either Des or I could decipher. I watched a dazzling smile grow on his face at the same moment Dr. Kamara pointed to the monitor. “See that little flicker? That’s your baby.”

I swallowed and peered at the green and black blob glimmering. A steady whoosh whoosh whoosh filled the echoey room. “And that’s the heartbeat. It’s about one hundred and eighty beats per minute, which is normal for this stage.”

Desmond sniffled next to me and I glanced at him. Surprise and something else I couldn’t name swelled in my throat as I watched a tear fall from his manly face. “There’s our little slugger,” he whispered as he kissed my cheek.

“He or she looks perfect, Dot. Strong heartbeat. Maybe twelve weeks by the size, wouldn’t you say, Akilah?” Cedric brought my knuckle to his lips. God, my men were sweet. They chattered about the heartbeat and growth rate while the whooshing boomed. I stared at the screen, trying, trying so hard to feel…something. Anything.

“It looks like krill,” I said to myself. The room went silent as I realized everyone was staring at me. It was then it dawned on me that probably wasn’t the most normal thing to say. Shouldn’t I be crying like Des? Or at least smiling broadly like Cedric?

“Our girl here is a fish nerd,” Desmond informed the doctor.

I scruffed his beard and corrected him. “Krill is a crustacean, not a fish.”

Des snorted as Dr. Kamara cleaned off my belly and turned the lights up. I sat up and dangled my legs over the table, still feeling uncertainty like a weight on my head.

Akilah addressed me like she knew. She could see it. I wasn’t motherhood material…That’s what she was thinking. It was written all over her face. “Do you have any questions for me, Dorthea?”

What’s wrong with me? Why did I just call the baby, that I want and am happy for, krill and not something cute like jellybean or tadpole? Shouldn’t I feel motherly or something?

But instead, I replied, “No, thank you.”

Dr. Kamara gave me a sideways glance under her thick red glasses that let me know she didn’t believe me, but thankfully, she didn’t press the issue. It would devastate my husbands to know I was feeling this way. Who knew what they’d think of me. “Well, your labs look perfect aside from your iron being low, which is common after the first trimester. I’m officially giving you the due date of December thirteenth. You’re very healthy. I’ll see you in four weeks for our next appointment.”

While Desmond asked about good iron sources and prenatal vitamins, and Cedric took it upon himself to look directly at my chart and size up the results from my blood test, I sat like coral on a reef, the ocean moving past me. Expansive and deep. But I was stuck, jagged, and unmovable.

Krill. Coral and Krill.

fourteen weeks pregnant

BABY IS THE SIZE OF A SMALL, SHRIMP-LOOKING CRUSTACEAN (NOT FISH, DESMOND) OF THE OCEAN

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