Page 146 of Unexpected Heroine

“No. Stop it.” Like she’s scolding a child, she points her index finger at me, halting my sentence in its tracks. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have let me go through life believin’ my father is dead. You wouldn’t have lied about damn near everything.”

“I didn’t lie about everything. Only what I had to.”

She slashes her hand through the air, silencing me once more. “Oh, would you give me just a small break? Don’t insult my intelligence any more than you already have. I realize I’m naive and simple compared to you, but I’m not stupid. If you expect me to believe another word you say, you don’t know dip shit from apple butter.”

The blood pumping through my veins slows, ice crystals forming inside the vessels as life without her warmth and light surrounding me creeps nearer.

The bag starts to slip from her grasp, so she hoists it up. “No sense in talkin’ about this any longer. It don’t matter no more.”

“It does matter, Violet.” Shaking my head, I throw my hands out to the sides. “You’re the only one who’s ever known me. Who’s ever cared. I don’t want you to leave me without knowing how much you mean to me. I can’t... I won’t...” My thoughts collide, making it too hard to speak. Before I become a blubbering mess again, I just shut up.

She shrugs and wipes a tear from her cheek. “Either way, you’re losing me.”

Time stands still.

“You were never really mine to lose.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Anger flashes across her features. “If I wasn’t yours, then why does it feel like my heart’s been ripped out of my chest?”

The quiver in her voice and trembling of her chin shatters me.

My gaze locks on the carpet.

Everything I do hurts her.

My truth hurts her.

My lies hurt her.

My words hurt her.

My existence hurts her.

In barely a whisper, I tell her, “You’re hurting because everyone I love suffers. That’s how you know my feelings for you are true.”

Collapsing onto the edge of the bed, I rest my head in my hands. Hiding from what I’ve done. The devastation I’ve caused for daring to love someone.

The duffel bag slips from her hand, falling to the floor with a thud. She says something, but I don’t know what. It sounds as if she’s on the other side of a wall.

A wall I erected between us with my lies.

I don’t ask what she said or look up at her. There’s no point.

She’s right. Either way, I’ve lost her.

Dejected and broken, I remain frozen while Lettie resumes packing.

I should get up. Help her. But I can barely move.

My heart, my soul, and every part of me are coated in ice.

I’d played this moment out in my mind a thousand times. I knew it would hurt. Knew it would gut me.

I fucking hate how right I was.

Despite the viscous remorse darkening my soul, a flickering flame sparks deep inside me, threatening to ignite. I smother it, refusing to give it the air it needs to catch fire.

I recognize it, though. Know it will sustain me once she’s gone.

---