Page 96 of Unexpected Heroine

“Wait, wait, wait. Tammy’s son is Timmy?” Freya asks, one side of her upper lip curled in a disbelieving cringe.

Nodding, I add, “Her other son is Tommy.”

Freya’s eye twitches. “Timmy, Tommy, and Tammy. Nice. What’s dad’s name?”

“Teddy,” Stella and I answer at the same time.

“I should have known.” Freya bows her head in a faux apology. “My bad. Continue, please.”

Stella spits out the rest. “Anyhow, Kim Wilson has always been sour at Kate for stealing her boyfriend in high school. For a little payback, Kim spilled the beans about where Timmy was and whom he was with. Tammy tore off, racin’ right up them stairs.” Stella slaps her hands, sending one sailing out in front of the other in a whoosh gesture. “The whole party stopped. Dead silence. Music off.” She clicks her tongue a few times, staring off into the distance. “First, we heard the banging on the door. Next came the hollerin’. Out of nowhere, Kate came bolting down the stairs—topless, except her bra and panties. Since her bottoms were around her ankles, she tripped on the last step and fell flat on her face. Fortunately, she wasn’t feelin’ no pain and jumped right up.”

“Good old fuzzy navels. Nature’s painkillers,” Marley mutters.

Meanwhile, Kri’s lost all semblance of patience for Stella’s dramatics. “Why was she twitching? For fuck’s sake. Must I put you in a submission hold?”

Stella laughs, smacking her palm on the table. “It’s not a threat if I like it, doll face.” Then she winks.

In an effort to save Kri from having to get physical with my bestie, I take over. “Enough with the theatrics. Here’s what happened. Tammy came running down the stairs after Kate, screaming every swear word I’ve ever heard and several she made up. Kate turned around, preparing to fight her off. Tammy pulled out her taser and shot Kate right in the hoochie coochie. Poor thing went down like a sack of spuds, then started twitching like a fish on a deck. There. Story done. Deal the cards.”

Laughter rings out through the room. Fairly certain the guards in the front yard are laughing too.

My sweet-as-a-peach bestie isn’t pleased with me stealing her thunder, judging by the arms crossed at her chest and the evil look on her face.

After a three-second stare down, she snaps. “You left out the best part.”

Marley claps, bouncing like she’s got ants in her pants. “Stella, please tell us the best part.”

Monotone and sarcastic, Kri drones, “Oh yes. Please, start at the beginning and don’t leave out a single detail. What were they wearing? What was everyone eating? Where did they go to preschool?”

“Since you insist.” Stella rubs her palms together, waiting for all eyes to fall back to her. “For those unfamiliar with railroad terms, the last stop on a train’s track is called the terminus. For all intents and purposes, trains eventually stop at a terminus. Everyone with me?”

She looks around and is met with eager nods. Even Kri is playing along.

“Excellent. Where were we? Oh yes. Tammy wasn’t the only one running down the stairs after Kate that night. Hot on her heels was Timmy and four of his friends. Four. All of them in various states of undress. That’s right. Kate was about to ride the choo choo with the entire Savannah State offensive line. Go Tigers. From that day on, Timmy’s mama was known as Terminus Tammy. Because she stopped the train.”

If the cacophony of laughter is anything to go by, Stella was right. That was the best part of the joke.

When everyone settles down, Stella adds with a chuckle. “Poor Kate and her twitchy cooter. The whole town was there that night to witness it.”

“Ah-ah,” I interrupt, holding up my index finger. “Not everyone.”

Stella rolls her eyes. “Fair. Kate didn’t invite her ex, Clifford.”

“The dirty dawg,” Stella and I say in unison since that’s how he’s always mentioned. We cackle like a pair of hens.

Marley flaps her splayed palm down on the table to get our attention. “Is there a story for him too?”

“No, not at all,” Stella lies through a straight face.

Marley’s lower lip rolls into a dramatic pout over being denied the tale of Clifford the dirty dawg.

My throat tickles from all the laughing, so I take a gulp of water.

Stella acquiesces to Marley’s silent begging. “Fine. If you must know, Clifford the dirty dawg is known as Climax’s community dick. Everyone’s had a ride.”

Well, I never took him for a spin.

“Offered a ride,” I insist through furious head shaking, amending her assertion.

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