Page 10 of Homesick

I usually feel more confident after having a few drinks, but I’m completely flustered around this man. This whole interaction is making me feel nauseous. Or it might just be all the alcohol I drank on an empty stomach.

We finally reach his truck, and he walks over to open the door for me.

“I’ve got it,” I say before he can get any closer.

Once I open the passenger door to his truck, I know exactly why this truck looked so familiar on the farm earlier. It’s the same pick-up Blake owned in high school just with a different paint job. The interior of the vehicle looks exactly like it did when we were teenagers, but maybe a bit tidier. Blake notices my hesitation as he hops in the driver’s seat.

“Did you change your mind again?”

My attention snaps to him. It’s odd seeing him in that driver’s seat again. It’s also odd that I’m about to sit in the exact spot where I lost my virginity. I swallow the burning sensation pooling in the back of my throat and hop up into the seat.

As I buckle my seat belt, I see the dent in the glovebox where I accidently kicked it with my boot after we were switching positions. My cheeks heat up as I trace the dent with my finger. Blake notices the action while he pulls out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, it’s kind of crazy how much this old truck has been through.”

I lean back in my seat fully intending to take his offer and ignore him for the rest of the ride. That probably would’ve been better than what I was about to ask.

“I thought I saw you with a girl earlier. Why are you going home alone?”

“Well, not entirely alone,” he counters quickly with a wink. “I started out the night with a date, but I decided to stay behind when she wanted to leave. Chris told me to keep an eye on you if I saw you out.”

I should be upset that Chris felt like I needed a babysitter, but I’m more disappointed Blake’s stares were more protective than jealous.

“You don’t have to look after me. I’m fine.”

“Chris has just been worried about you. He knew I was going to be at the bar tonight, so he wanted me to make sure you didn’t do anything too reckless.”

My stomach drops. That means Chris has been telling Blake about how big of a failure I am. I guess I don’t get to have my I’m doing way better without you moment because he knows exactly how things are going for me. I contemplate throwing myself out of the moving vehicle to avoid any more humiliation tonight, but that might be a little dramatic. Effective, but dramatic.

“Good to know Chris still doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut,” I mumble to myself. I know he means well, but this just feels like an attack.

A few moments of silence echo between us as I stare out the window. This man used to be my person and now he feels like a stranger sitting next to me. I used to feel safe inside this truck, but now I just want the memories to quit reminding me of how much happier I was back then.

Light catches on something hanging from the truck’s rearview mirror. I turn my head to see a chain dangling with a ring attached to the end. Without thinking, my hand reaches out to get a better look. Before I can touch it, Blake intercepts me and yanks the chain from its mount. I snap my hand back to my lap and feel my eyebrows push together in confusion.

“What the he?—”

“It’s just an old family ring that my mom gave to me,” he says before reaching across me to shove it in the glovebox. “I don’t like when people touch it.”

I don’t question him any further and drop the subject completely. All I want is to get home so I can curl up in my bed. I am so over this night.

After another period of awkward silence, I can feel Blake’s mind reeling. He clears his throat awkwardly and says, “Listen Wren, I know you’re not thrilled about Chris and I being close again, but I just . . . I didn’t realize how much I missed being his friend. I hope you can understand that I’m not trying to screw with you or anything. I was hoping we could get to a place where we could become friends. Like we were before everything went to shit.”

If we weren’t a few minutes away from my house I think I would’ve had him pull over and let me out. I’m too drunk to have a heart-to-heart with him and I haven’t even had time to process this whole situation.

“Good to know you thought our relationship was shit,” I say dryly.

He runs his free hand roughly through his hair and says, “you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Here’s the deal. I’m not giving you the bullshit heartfelt moment you’re looking for, okay? You’re the one that screwed up any chance of us being friends. Ever. You hurt me and I have every right to be upset about it for as long as I want to. Just because my family decided to forgive you does not mean I’m on the same page. I’ve got too much shit on my plate right now to be the bigger person.”

Now that I’ve got myself all worked up, I can feel the alcohol start to turn in my stomach. I roll down the window hoping the fresh air will help.

My reply seems to shut Blake up because he’s silent for the last bit of the ride. We finally make it home and I’ve never been so relieved to get out of this truck. Well, not since that night.

I go to open the door and make a run for the bushes when Blake says, “I’m sorry, Wren. For everything. There’s not . . .”

I cut him off as I feel the bile rise in my throat.

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