Page 29 of Homesick

I loved every second of hot days spent cooling off at whatever swimming hole we had discovered that week. I loved every second I spent with him. There was never a doubt in my mind I was meant to spend my life with him. Well, until Blake Fisher decided he didn’t feel the same.

Memories of Blake make me think of our last conversation and how poorly it ended. “Blake said something interesting the other day. He said that he doesn’t think I moved back just because I lost my job. He wasn’t convinced that I tried hard enough to get a new job. That’s kind of a shitty thing to say, isn’t it? Especially for someone I haven’t talked to in six years.”

“Hmm, maybe. I hate to say it, but he might have a point though.”

I roll my eyes and laugh as if I think she’s the craziest person on this porch right now. “I couldn’t find a job.”

“Well, yes. But you couldn’t find a job in Cleveland. What stopped you from moving to another city or maybe looking at remote options. Also, were you only looking for jobs like your old one? I thought you said you weren’t happy with what you were doing. Hell, I can’t even remember what it was because you never liked to talk about work.”

I let out a heavy sigh of frustration. Sure, I could’ve gotten out of my comfort zone and applied for other jobs, but I was making decent money at my old company, and I didn’t want to give up a good salary. Well, I could have, but it would’ve sucked.

I stop my mind from reeling and think, maybe I am making up excuses. I would never admit it aloud, but I liked being home. Even though I had to see my ex every day, this was the first time I felt at peace in a long time. I hadn’t realized just how homesick I’ve been these past few years because I was too busy avoiding one small part of my childhood.

“I was a marketing analyst at a software company and yeah, it wasn’t my dream gig. I guess you’re not completely wrong and being home hasn’t been terrible. I’m not constantly stressed out and going out every weekend to cope.”

Emma smiles into her wine glass as I agree with her. A warm feeling spreads across my chest as I take a sip of my wine, too. I almost feel complete. Almost.

* * *

I give Milo a big kiss on the cheek and hug Emma before they get ready to head home. I check my phone and it’s time to start my chores for the night. I start to head inside to change when I see Blake’s truck coming down the driveway. He’s early today, I say to myself.

I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever. I’d proven that multiple times already this summer and somehow the universe kept pushing us together. Maybe this was a sign I needed to stop running, even if it seemed like the easiest option.

I put on my big girl boots and head out to the farm. I see him getting the tractor fired up, so I decide to start the day off on a good note. I’m in an unbearably good mood from seeing my favorite nephew. Sunshine and rainbows are practically sprouting from my head.

“Hi, Blake.”

He looks up from what he’s doing and looks shocked I’m in a good mood for once. “Does this mean you’re done avoiding me?”

I scoff at his bluntness. “I wasn’t avoiding you. I was simply getting my work done super-fast so I could go home earlier.”

He tilts his head and crosses his arms in disbelief.

“Okay, fine. I was avoiding you just a smidge. I don’t like it when you call me out on shit.” I surprise myself with my own honesty, but I figured we wouldn’t get anywhere if I kept evading his questioning stare.

“So, you admit that I was right about why you moved home?”

I lean against the cool frame of the tractor which is a reprieve from the hot June day. “Don’t get cocky. I’m not admitting you were right. I’m simply saying I acknowledge your opinion and I’ve decided to take it under consideration. I realized if I keep storming off every time you get under my skin then the duration of this . . . situation would be extremely long and complicated.”

Blake copies my stance and leans on the tractor with a lazy smile. “So does this mean everything can stop being weird and we can maybe work toward being friends again?”

I bite my lip and contemplate my answer. I did miss my friend, but unfortunately, we complicated our friendship the minute we decided to take things to the next level all those years ago. It’s hard to let go of all the pain he put me through after our breakup, but at the same time, holding onto that pain was exhausting. I’m not ready to be his friend, but I’m ready to consider it.

“I’ll consider it,” I say.

“I’ll take it. Shake on it?” Blake asks before reaching his hand out.

I look down at his open hand with an uneasy expression and meet him in the middle. Blake grabs my hand and as soon as I feel the roughness of his fingers wrap around mine, a tingly sensation vibrates up my spine from deep within me.

Fuck, what did I get myself into.

CHAPTER 11

I wave at Blake from across the dirt path and head over to him. Our conversation yesterday made me feel light as a feather.

Tonight, I’m hanging out with Adam, and I’m nervous. I can’t remember the last time I went on an actual date. Most of my “dates” in the city consisted of group hangouts or getting drinks followed by a quick hook-up.

This seems more intimate, which scares the hell out of me. Not to mention, I’m dreading telling Blake I have to leave early. I need him to finish up the last bit of my chores so I can get ready. I know I don’t need to tell him what I’m doing, but I’m sure my dumbass will blurt it out.

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