Page 36 of Homesick

Chris goes from boss man to big brother in zero point two seconds and his eyes begin to narrow at me. “I’m so glad you can find happiness out of my misery.”

“Me too. You should’ve done this a lot sooner.”

His face starts to turn a light shade of red, but he slowly reels it in when he shifts back to boss mode. “Very funny, Wren. Well, it seems like you’re settling back in here pretty nicely. We might make a farmer of you yet.”

“You’re not here to yell at me for the sick calf?”

“No. It seems like you’ve got it under control and it’s not your fault. Moving him to his own pen was a good call.”

I physically take a step back and absorb his almost-compliment. My brother never turns down an opportunity to mansplain something to me. I pictured him walking me through everything I did wrong and what I could’ve done to prevent Mocha from getting sick. I would be relieved, but I kind of miss the way his face lights up when he thinks he’s teaching me something.

“Umm, okay. I figured you’d have some long, drawn-out speech about how I did everything wrong, but I’ll take it,” I say, nervously pulling on the braid I haphazardly did this morning.

Chris cracks a faint smile and says, “oh geez, you’re making me sound like Dad. But no, you’re doing a great job, Wren. Blake has had nothing but good things to say.”

His last sentence makes my entire body stiffen when I picture Blake giving my brother updates on how I’m doing.

“Let me get this straight. Blake has been reporting back to you like he’s babysitting me or something. I will admit he helped a lot with the calf situation, but I’ve been pulling my weight around here. Did you forget I grew up on this farm, too? I know what I’m doing, Chris.”

His face turns solemn when he realizes he hit a nerve. “Wren, you’ve been gone for a long time. You can’t expect me to completely trust you just like that, can you? This is my livelihood. For you, it’s more like a volunteer job.”

My shoulders slump forward and a small lump in my throat begins to form. It was naïve of me to think I could come back home, and everything would fall back into place.

“I understand it’s your livelihood, but it’s also our family farm. Just because I decided to go down another path doesn’t mean I don’t still care about this place. I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that’s how I felt.”

I shouldn’t have to apologize. He’s the one being the dick, but I can understand why he feels like I don’t take this seriously.

Chris responds with a big sigh and then relaxes his shoulders. “That came out the wrong way. I’m grateful you’re here, Wren. Scratch that, I love that you’re here. It’s just this whole situation isn’t easy for me. If I had any other job, I would have sick time or medical leave, but not with the farm. It’s been hard to let go. Even though I know you’re more than capable.”

His last line feels like a cop out, but I appreciate his vulnerability. I know this whole situation has been rough on him, but I still feel a gnawing ache in my heart when I realize how he feels about me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I need to be more present with my friends and family, but every day I’m here, it feels like a bigger issue that continues to grow.

“I’m sorry I used Blake to spy on you. I should’ve felt comfortable reaching out to you for updates. I know working with him hasn’t been easy on you, either. I really appreciate you being here.”

Like a reflex, my eyes wander toward the hay barn, and I feel my heart skip a beat when I recall the events that took place there. If Chris found out we kissed, I’m not sure how he’d react. I sure as hell know he wouldn’t be coming up with a ship name for Blake and me. They were finally in a good place after everything, and this one little event could shatter their friendship for good.

“Listen, I know this hasn’t been easy on you, but just give me some grace. It was a rocky start, but I feel like I finally have the hang of things. Blake and I are getting along, but the last thing I need is to feel like he’s looking over my shoulder twenty-four seven.”

Chris smiles and straightens up on his scooter. “Fair enough. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, Ashley was thinking it’d be fun to have a fire at the creek tonight. She wants to do hot dogs and smores.”

My ears perk up at the mention of the creek. I haven’t been there since before Blake and I broke up. It was basically our go-to hook-up spot for most of our relationship, so the idea of going back there after our kiss last night is jarring.

“That sounds like fun,” I say, lying through my teeth. If taking a walk down memory lane was so fun, I would’ve come home a long time ago.

* * *

I haven’t been to the creek in a long time. It used to be one of my favorite places, even before Blake and I would go there to be alone.

Chris, Blake, and I had discovered our mini oasis one summer while mindlessly following an old stream to find a good swimming hole. We quickly found the creek and marked it as our spot.

It was just a small embankment that just so happened to have the perfect spot for a lazy summer afternoon swim. The water was deep enough to swim in, but not too deep that our parents worried about us hanging out down here.

Over the years, our little hangout evolved from a swimming hole to a place where our friends would come to hang out and drink the beer someone had been able to score from an older sibling or chill parent. Blake and Chris built a little fire pit and even created a trail that was wide enough for vehicles to get back to.

The creek sat back on an old dirt road, and it was almost impossible to get to if you didn’t know exactly where you were going. It was the perfect getaway when small town life became too small.

The little dirt pathway to the creek is fairly grown over, but I’m able to spot it when I see fresh tire tracks. There are a few moments when I think my small sedan might get stuck, but I just step on the gas and pray.

The closer I get to the opening at the end of the wooded path, the more my stomach sinks. I spent most of the day trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind from wandering to the memory of Blake’s lips on mine.

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