Page 69 of Homesick

I squeeze Emma close to me as she continues to cry. I can feel tears of my own threatening to spill over, but I hold it together for her. She’s been my rock for so long and it’s time for me to take on that role.

“Now tell me what’s been going on with you and Colt.”

CHAPTER 24

“Please stop moping around. You’re upsetting the cows,” my brother says playfully as he leans up against the fence I’m perched on.

“I’m not moping,” I respond defiantly. “I’m just thinking.”

It’s true. Ever since leaving Emma’s house, I keep racking my brain for what to tell Blake. I know I don’t want to move to Wisconsin, and I know I don’t want him to put off school any longer. I’m just not sure where to go from here.

“I thought you’d be spending all your free time with Fisher.”

I give my brother a side eye and slump my shoulders over. “You know.”

“Of course, I know. Did you two really think you were being sneaky? You should know secrets don’t exist in a small town,” he says, finishing with a wink.

“And you’re not . . . mad?”

My brother stares back at me for a second and slowly blinks at my accusation.

“No, I’m not mad. I know I was an asshole when we were kids, but the truth is I was afraid of losing you both. It was always the three of us until I felt more like a third wheel,” Chris admits, adjusting the baseball cap sitting on his head. “I also didn’t like the thought of Fisher sticking it to my little sister, but at the end of the day, I know he’s a good guy. Or at least he tries to be.”

“I miss when we were kids. Everything was so much less complicated back then. Now we have to act like adults and make hard decisions.”

Chris’s ears perk at the last part of my sentence. “Hard decisions?”

“Blake asked me to move to Wisconsin with him,” I admit to my brother. I feel like I need a second opinion before I make a tough decision.

“That’s a—a big deal. Is that something you want?”

Want is such a funny word. I want a lot of things, but it’s not that simple.

“I want to be with Blake, but I don’t want to leave the farm or Emma or you. I feel like I’ve missed so much, and I don’t want to make the mistake of running away again.”

Chris takes a rectangular metal object out of his pocket and tips it to his lips. He offers it to me, and I take a long swig of my own. The unforgiving taste of cheap whiskey hits the back of my throat and I wince.

“Fuck, that’s strong.”

Chris chuckles at my reaction and I shove the flask back into his hand.

“Listen, Wren. I don’t want you to go, but you need to think about what’s best for you. Have you guys talked about doing long distance?”

I go silent. Of course we’ve danced around the idea of long distance, but I’m scared our relationship is still too fragile to put through something so difficult. I believe that Blake has changed, and we can make it work, but there’s still a tiny voice at the back of my head telling me to be cautious. This is our second chance, but what if it is also our final chance? I’m terrified of the thought of losing him forever.

“Yeah, we have. I’m just worried it’ll end like it did last time.”

“It could. But if you ask me, it seems like you keep finding your way back to each other. Hell, if I wouldn’t have hurt myself this summer, you two might’ve never been stuck together,” he says shaking his head.

“You’re right. But why would fate put us back together just to pull us apart again?”

“Everything happens for a reason. You were meant to lose your job this year and move home. You were meant to reconnect with friends and family at a time when your life was at a crossroads. And you were meant to see your first love again. Even if you and Blake don’t work out, there may be a reason. Sometimes you just have to let go and stop fighting it.”

“That was super deep. I forgot how weird you get when you drink whiskey,” I chide, punching Chris in the arm. “Anyways, I’m not fighting it. Whatever it is.”

“Wren, you have this impeccable ability to fight against the current of anything. You moved to a city even though you belong in the country. And you moved away from your friends and family even though this is where you’re the happiest. Hell, you even pretended like you hated Blake these past six years when you know you didn’t.”

I hate when my brother is right. I had been fighting against the current for a long time and I’m tired. Maybe it’s time to quit hiding myself away until things get easier.

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