Page 49 of Hitched

“You do know that I pissed on that, right?” Laney reminds.

“If you’re having a baby, we’re both going to be knee deep in piss, shit, puke, every bodily fluid, girl.” She says with a playful smile. “What do you think? Are we ready to find out if there’s a plus or a minus sign on this thing?”

I take my hand and squeeze Laney’s hand. “I’m ready.”

“Go ahead.” Laney says with a nod, after looking at me.

Brandy looks at the display and blinks. “Holy fuck…you must be fucking joking.”

“What’s wrong?” I ask, as Laney’s face falls. And I’m not sure what to make of that.

Brandy looks up at us. “It’s fucking negative. We stood here and made total asses of ourselves, and it’s fucking negative.”

I look at Laney and it’s like I just told her I don’t love her anymore. “God, my da was so sure.”

Then Laney lifts her hands in the air and says flippantly. “Oh, well.” She barks, almost irritated. “I must have really fucked up when I recorded my last period.”

I stand there, blinking, as Brandy sets the test stick down, and walks to Laney. “Are you okay? You sound weird.”

Laney ignores her. “Fuck! I can’t believe I let myself think I was actually pregnant.” She says, her voice raised an octave. “Here I’m thinking, oh, we’ll raise Peg and give her a little brother or sister, live in the perfect house with a white picket fence, you know? What a fucking idiot I am.” She laughs mirthlessly at herself, while scratching her forehead. “God, I am so stupid. Why would I even go down that road. I was lucky enough to find a man that I love and that loves me, why would I think that we could actually be a family?”

“Wait, Laney, it’s okay to want all those things, baby.” I tell her gently. “Just because it’s not going to happen now, doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen ever.”

Brandy interjects. “So, you wanted to have a baby?”

Laney sighs heavily. “I don’t know. For the last…I don’t know…half hour, I started letting myself believe that I could be that girl. All my life, I shunned myself for even thinking like that. But ever since I met you, Caleb, and since Peg came into our lives, I’ve been thinking how beautiful it would be to have something more than just a fat bank account.” She growls as she says the last three words in that sentence, as though angry with herself. Then she continues. “Let’s not forget how fucking hard I worked to get to where I am. How many battles I’ve had to overcome with clients, with my family, with the general public, since I’m a woman, and most of our clients are older men, chauvinistic bastards that think I should be at home, barefoot and pregnant, which is half the reason why I hated the thought, but my point is that this being pregnant thing, this falling in love thing, this having a family of my own thing, it would be the one thing that I didn’t have to bust my ass for.”

She licks her lips and continues. “God, when Caleb came to me, and we fell in love so fast, I…I couldn’t wrap my head around it at first. I was like, God, that was easy. Nothing for me has ever been so fucking easy. And then, when I thought I was pregnant, I thought, geez, how many women have to try for months, sometimes years, to get pregnant. Especially successful women, you know, starting a family doesn’t always come easy for them. And I thought, fucking aye, another one in the basket for me. And then Peg, god…damn…how the hell I got so lucky to find such a beautiful little bairn, and because of Caleb, I get to help raise her. I never thought anything like that would ever happen for me.”

Brandy and I are standing in the middle of the hallway, watching Laney circle around the house, arms flailing, nearly shouting at times, expressing her thoughts, as confusing as they are at times. And I want to go comfort her, but I feel like she just needs to vent, so both Brandy and I stand there and let her do that. She continues on her barrage. “And that’s the best part, too. With Caleb, I wouldn’t have to be the proverbial ‘barefoot and pregnant’, because he knows how important my career is to me, and he’d break down doors to make me happy with whatever arrangement we needed to have to keep our bairns safe and happy, and to keep us both happy. God…dammit!” She’s shouting, talking as if neither Brandy or me are here, but I just let her have her moment.

“So, what are you so pissed about, Laney?” Brandy asks, playing devil’s advocate. “That you’re going to lose your nerve, and not want to get married and have kids later? Or that when you want to, that the opportunity will be lost?”

She shouts. “Yes! God, fuck, you soooo get me! This is why you’re my best friend, god…dammit!” Her arms are flailing, and I think I see a shot of spittle fly out of her mouth, she’s so angry. Then she looks at me. “And, Caleb, your da, as crazy as fuck as he is for thinking I smell fucking pregnant, he’s a doll! He’s lovely! And I don’t know if that’s just because he really thought I was pregnant, but I don’t want him to feel like I failed him, either!”

I raise a hand, grinning. “Da is what he is, Laney. Believe me, he has no filter, so he holds nothing back. And you’re right, he is crazy.” I laugh.

Brandy looks at me and snorts a laugh.

I shake my head. “I should go and let you girls do your thing. It’s late, and I want to go pick up Peg first thing.”

“Why? What are you doing with her? Can I come along?” Laney asks.

I frown. “Absolutely. I’m going to go buy her a new bed. She saw this little princess one when I was looking on my phone earlier. I’m going to bring her and go get it. She’ll be so happy.”

Laney suddenly gets choked up. “God, it’s crazy, I know, but I was so looking forward to telling her that she was going to have a little brother or sister to play with. From what I’ve heard from her and Gretchen, she always wanted a sibling.”

Brandy snorts a laugh. “She’s always wanted a stable home, and she’s finally going to get that. She’ll be fine.”

I walk over to Laney and give her a kiss on the lips. “I love you, baby. I’ll pick you up in the morning. Sleep tight.”

“I love you, too.” She says.

As I walk to the door, Brandy rises, meeting me. “Oh, Caleb.” She clears her throat. “While you’re at it, you should probably pick up a crib, too.” She purses her lips together into a smile.

My brows knit together. Laney looks at her like she just told us that she’s got three arms.

“I lied earlier.” Brandy adds. “You’re pregnant.”

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