Page 35 of Temptation: Discreet

Why was I never enough for you?

Why didn’t you love me?

The questions keep coming, one after another, making me even more furious than I was when we arrived. A comforting hand on my lower back pulls me out of the dark pits of my mind. I recognize Enzo’s touch immediately, his smell of pine trees always brings me back to him. I feel the urge to scream at fate and the life it has dealt me.

“Princess, it’s time to leave,” he whispers, brushing his knuckles along my jawline. It’s almost like he’s trying to commit my face to memory. He starts to say something, then hesitates, raising a hand in a silent request for me to follow him out of the church and back to our black Mercedes.

“We are heading back home.” he informs the driver, still holding onto my arm as we settle into the car.

“Fine,” I say, “Sierra is meeting me and we are going out. I don’t want you coming with me.” I shift my body so I’m looking out the window. I don’t want to see the look on his face. I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment or annoyance when I say everything I have to.

“I am not leaving you,” he says firmly.

“Enzo, you are leaving me. You’re relieved from your duties. The Columbians will get what they want. I’ll marry Eduardo to prevent a war, to stop my family from being slaughtered.” I say it without emotion, but he knows I don’t mean it. He knows that I would never ask him to leave me, but I have to do this. I have to help my family, even if it means sacrificing what I love most.

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking.” I take out the headphones I carry in my purse and put them on, drowning out the world the entire drive back to our home in Santa Monica, to my gilded cage that I’m tired of living in. It’s about time for me to break free.

Me: I need you to meet me at home.

Sierra: You got it.

Sierra: Need anything else?

Me: We need a way to escape. There's so much more to tell you.

Sierra: Okay?

Me: Enzo and my brothers can't know.

Sierra: Okay? We got this.

Me: I trust that we do.

Arriving back at my house, I fling open the car doors and race up the stairs to my room. Locking the door behind me so that Enzo can’t possibly get close to me. If we were meant to be together, he would let me make my own decision. He should give me the chance to get myself out of this mess we created.

A knock at the door interrupts my thoughts. “Lina, open the door,” Enzo’s voice calls out, cracking with emotion.

“Go away, Enzo.” I can hear the hurt in his voice as I continue pushing him away. I sit on the now disheveled bed. The covers are completely undone and the room is a mess. I had lacked the energy to tidy up since we left. I grab the pillow and scream into it hoping to muffle the anger I feel. I toss whatever I can find, creating an even bigger mess, like a damn child. Crossing to my dresser, I knock everything of value onto the floor with a loud crash, filling my once safe haven with the state of my rage.

Then I noticed something I hadn’t noticed before. Leaning in close, I realize there’s a lens at the center. My face so close to the wall to see that there's a lens in the center. A camera. A fucking camera. In my space, my safe haven. The lack of privacy stings, though I know in my heart it was done for my protection. I understand the need to ensure I’m okay. But the realization that I had never had a moment alone, that the eyes I’ve always felt on me, were in fact always on me. The whole thing leaves me conflicted because as much as I know I should feel hurt, I also feel loved and seen.

Unsure of what else to do, I grab my pack of cigarettes and start smoking, needing something to occupy my hands. The repetitive motion helps keep me distracted from the urge to throw everything else around the room. By the time I’ve lit my third cigarette, I hear the light tapping at the door and the sound of Sierra yelling at Enzo to back off.

I quickly place the cigarette in the ashtray on the thick patio railing and unlock the door to my room. Sierra strides in, holding two bottles - one of tequila and the other of my favorite soda, Squirt, to use as a chaser. She enters the room with a warm smile that reaches her sky-blue eyes as her signature long ponytail swishes back and forth.

She has on leggings and an oversized tee just like me. I'll allow myself one night of drinking before doing what I have to with Sierra’s help. Sierra follows me to the patio as I grab the lit cigarette and sit on the ground. She sits in front of me, opening the bottle of Patron, and takes a swig directly from the bottle. She hands it to me while she takes a swig from the soda bottle. I mimic her actions, letting the tequila and cigarette smoke burn my throat.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” She sets the Patron down on the floor, scooting closer to me, close enough to take my hand and grasps it firmly.

The guilt of my actions weighs heavily on me. “I got my father killed, just as I got my mother killed, and now I’m second guessing everything I’ve done. I know I have to get my brothers out of this mess, but the only way I see it is to marry the Columbian. I can try to kill him if I get close enough. I refuse to start a war that my brothers might not survive.” My voice breaks.

“Enzo might hate me for it, but I don’t see any other option. I’d rather he live and hate me than die trying to protect me.” I say, holding back the tears. “I can’t let him die. I,” love him, regardless of his stalker tendencies. Regardless if he watches me without me knowing, or if he invades my privacy. I love him. I swallow the words before they even dare come out, but the way Sierra’s crystal blue eyes look at me suggests she already knows how I feel.

“Okay, so what do we need to do to get you there? I’m not heavily involved with this so I’m not sure what you need,” she says while taking another shot of tequila.

“I need to escape and find Eduardo in Vegas. All I know is that he lives there. I just need your help getting out of here. I won’t put you in harm's way either. I can handle Vegas on my own.” I take my pack of cigarettes and slide a new one between my lips, using the lit one as a makeshift lighter and take a long drag to ignite the new one.

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