Page 96 of Psychopath

“There was CCTV footage from the bus.”

Noah nodded. “They were name-calling and pushing me, and they stole my bag. They broke my eyeliner, and one of them, I think it was Tom, took my nail polish, and just… they were probably only on the bus fifteen minutes or so, then they got off at the next stop, but…it’s hard to explain.”

Quinn gave him a small smile. “If you can’t explain it to me, it’s okay.”

“If you’ve been bullied, relentlessly like I was at school after Mr Hawk left, you dream of never having to see your bullies again. Every day you go to school, and they’re there, but you expect them to be, so you go numb, but that day on the bus, I hadn’t been expecting it. I felt like I did the first time. It didn’t matter that those years had passed, or that I had a job, and my own life, and I’d found things to enjoy again. Seeing them took me back to that miserable place, and I realised that was never going to change. It would always happen when I saw them unless I did something about it.”

“Darren was hosting a house party on September 7. How did you know about it?”

“It was on social media, friends of friends. I knew.”

“And you knew where Darren lived?”

Noah nodded. “I’d been there before. I’d watched him.”

“When?”

“The year before, maybe.”

“Just the once?”

Noah looked down at the table. He shook his head.

“How many times?”

“Maybe five.”

“Why? Those five times, what were you planning?”

Noah snapped his head up. “Nothing. I swear. I didn’t…I wasn’t. Seeing him, knowing he couldn’t see me, it gave me some kind of satisfaction.” He shrugged. “I can’t explain it; I guess it felt like I was invading his life, a presence in it that he wasn’t aware of, and that made me feel like…”

Quinn had his pencil poised on the paper. “You had some kind of power over him?”

“Yeah.”

“But that night. September 7, watching from afar wasn’t enough?”

“He’d cornered me on the bus. He’d broken my eyeliner. He was having a party with all his friends, and I didn’t want him to have power over me anymore. I didn’t want to fear bumping into him or the others.”

Quinn looked over his notes. “You came to the party with rat poison and sulphuric acid in your bag.”

Noah nodded. “Someone else opened the door. Someone who didn’t know me from school. One of Darren’s university friends. He welcomed me inside, even gave me a hug. It was all very surreal.”

“Where was Darren?”

“He was outside. There was a table set up with bottles of alcohol and crisps and plastic cups, and there was a bowl of orange punch. It smelled so strongly of mangos and pineapples it made my eyes water. The guy that welcomed me inside poured me some, said he’d made it, and he was so happy.” Noah took a deep breath. “He had his arm around my shoulders, and he was grinning at me.” He held up his hand. “I had black nail varnish on, and he said it suited me.”

“Did you try the punch?” Quinn asked.

“It was good, then I heard Darren, Tom, Josh and Andrew outside. I asked the guy whether they’d been drinking the punch, and he said they loved it. He’d made a second lot because they’d drunk the first, and I knew…I knew what I was going to do.”

“Sulphuric acid and rat poison.”

Noah bit his lip. “I tried a bit. Just the tip of my finger, and…I couldn’t taste any difference, not really. Darren spotted me. He kicked me out, told his new friends I was pedo prey and a freak. The guy that welcomed me inside told Darren he was being a dick.”

“He was one of the victims, wasn’t he?” Quinn asked. “The guy that was nice to you.”

“Yes. I should’ve seen that coming. It was his punch, but I…I didn’t think. I wasn’t thinking.”

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