Page 58 of Wren's Winter

“I’ve always found it rude when you did that. Only now that we’re no longer together I can tell you and don’t have to worry about you sulking about it.”

“I don’t sulk.” He scoffed, affronted.

Rolling my eyes, I focused on the subject at hand. Mainly on how to get whatever this was out of the way so I could send him back to whatever he was doing. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. How did you find me, Buck?”

“You emailed me the itinerary, remember? When you made the reservation?”

“You mean the email where you told me you’d put your credit card down to pay for it since it was a late birthday present?” I asked, exasperation clinging to my words.

He had the good sense to appear chagrined. “After we broke up, I figured you’d cancel the trip. Take care of it, like you always do.”

It didn’t hurt this time to hear those words. The woman who did all those things for him was a different person than the one I am today. “Like I did. Past tense. Like our relationship, which is over.”

He reached to take my hand, lacing his fingers between mine. “Don’t be like that, Wrenny.”

Frozen at his audacity, I stared at our hands entwined. For years, I craved this touch, the softness of his palm against mine and the loving expression in his eyes. Now it felt flat. There was no buzz of electricity, no pulse of need. It was skin-to-skin, a warm hand against warm hand and nothing else.

“Look, I don’t know why you decided this was the right time to chase me down. Maybe you were bored—maybe you were horny and figured I’d be an easier lay than the effort to pick up some random girl at the bar. But I’m not interested.”

“Maybe I want you back. Did you think of that? We had a good thing. I love you.” His words sounded sincere, but I knew the tone, the way his eyes would grow soft as much as I knew how to tie my shoes. It was all so familiar, and it was all so hollow.

I smiled big at him. The change in power dynamics was hilarious to me. For years, I chased this man’s approval, tying his affection into my self-worth. “No, you don’t. I’m not sure if you ever loved me. What I know is you loved what I did for you. You loved how I made you feel about yourself. But honestly, it was never love because, if you had truly known me, you would have seen how miserable I was for years.”

“You weren’t miserable. We had some great times together. What about last summer, when we went parasailing? Or when we made love on the beach of Playa del Carmen.”

“I remember all that differently. You went parasailing, I threw up over the side of the boat fom an hour. And as for the sex on the beach, I was recovering from the sand burn for weeks after that.” Pulling my hand away, I scraped my hand over my face. “And I won’t argue with you about it.”

“So, that’s it. You’re just going to give up on three years together like it was nothing?”

“I didn’t give up on us, Buck. You were the one who ended it.” My voice was soft.

“I made a mistake. I’m here to tell you I want you back.”

Could this man take a hint? I wasn’t this needy when he dumped me months before. I accepted it, then cried in my shower to “Sad Beautiful Tragic” the way my lord and savior, Taylor Swift, decreed it.

“I can’t go back. It wasn’t a mistake for me. All that between us needs to stay in the past. I don’t regret being with you. But I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

“I get it. You’re still mad at me. What do I need to do? Flowers, candy. I’ll take you to that art show in Seattle you’ve been bugging me about. What will it take?”

All these words, I would have loved a few months ago. Now, they fell like stones. “Nothing, Buck. I don’t want a single thing from you. You’re a good guy, sometimes, and I’m sure somewhere out there is a girl that you will make happy. But that’s not me.”

He leaned forward, his face serious. “Look, I was going to wait until we had a fancy dinner tonight or something, but I got you something to make up for all this.”

I couldn’t imagine what he thought would make up for years of a terrible relationship. His cell out, he slid it over to me. The screen showing an email from an expensive cruise line.

“You booked a cruise?”

His face broke into a huge grin. “Yeah, all expenses paid, excursions, drinks, whatever you want.”

I fought back the hysterical bubble rising in my chest. How many times did this man see me green with sickness on a lake? He thought I would want to be in the middle of the ocean? “That’s not going to work. I’m not going on a cruise with you, Buck.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I don’t want to be with you.” There were so many reasons, but really, didn’t it boil down to this in the end?

He scoffed. “Do you think you’re going to find a better guy than me? I’m the best you’ll ever get.”

Sighing heavily, I leaned back in my chair. I didn’t have the fight in me. There was nothing of worth between us any longer. “We both know that’s not true.”

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