Page 25 of Towles

His biceps bulged, and his anger rose. I put my hand on his forearm, hoping he wouldn’t pull away. He didn’t.

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Ethan. Give yourself a break.” Although I was afraid he’d pull away, I put my arms around him, and when I did, he slipped an arm around the small of my back. He said nothing, and that was okay.

Ethan stood and removed his clothes. All of them. Naked, he slipped into bed beside me. The man looked exhausted and overwhelmed. He pulled me close, and I laid my head on his chest. No words were exchanged. I really got the feeling he didn’t want anyone, including me, inside his head. The darkest places on earth are not under the ground or at the bottom of oceans. They are in our heads.

When I woke up the following day, I was in bed alone. Ethan and his clothes were gone. Disappointed, I took a shower, dressed in jeans and a tee someone had snuck in while I slept and walked down the hall.

The Trixie chick was behind the bar cleaning up. Nobody else was in the room.

“Did you fuck him?” she asked.

I’m not sure when the change occurred, but the old April had taken a permanent vacation. “That’s none of your fucking business,” I said.

“I’ll take that as a no.” She placed her elbows on the bar and leaned toward me when I sat on a stool. “I did my research on you.” She smiled like the witch wanting to fry Hansel and Gretel.

“And what did you find?” I asked. I poured a cup of coffee from the steaming pot she placed on the counter. “There’s not much to find.”

“That you’re a dumbass for leaving behind a life most people dreamed about.” She held up a hand. “It’s okay. I did the same thing but worse. Jumped from one side of the fence to the other.”

“So you’re not a rat?”

“It’s all a matter of perspective.”

“April,” Ethan said when he entered from outside with Beast and Diesel.

“They don’t want you speaking to me,” Trixie said. “Not until they know I’m whole.”

Diesel walked behind the counter and grabbed a beer. “Shut the fuck up, Trixie. The whole fucking club heard Watcher giving it to you up the ass last night. Thought a litter of kittens had gotten loose.”

Ethan shook his head and smiled. I enjoyed seeing him smile. It brightened the room and made everyone else smile, even Trixie. “Ever been on the back of a bike?” he asked me.

I shook my head no. It sounded fucking terrifying. “But I’m willing to try.” And piss my pants along the way. “I need a helmet.”

“His head is hard enough for both of you,” Beast said and shoved Ethan. “Stay away from the Punishers while she’s on your bike.”

Ethan nodded, but he was lying. “I’ll make sure he stays under the speed limit and stays away from anyone that looks mean.”

Shockingly, Ethan put his arm around me and led us outside. He lifted me onto his bike, placed a helmet on my head, and climbed on. We pulled from the club parking lot alone and didn’t stop until we got to the river.

Ethan climbed off the bike and lifted me from the seat. “Are you afraid of me?”

“No,” I said. “My head feels like it’s stuck in a tornado. Three days ago, I was wondering how to get my life out of the ditch of despair and get it moving again. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I wish I could make you some promise to set you at ease, but I can’t even get my life straight. How the hell am I supposed to help someone else?” We walked along the river, and Ethan put his hand around mine, which was completely unexpected. His size overshadowed his gentleness.

“What happened at Standford?” I asked. I wouldn't push him if he didn’t want to discuss it. Did I think I could help him? Yes. Fix him? I didn’t believe anyone could be “fixed.” It was better to manage the damage than try to eradicate it.

“I guess you can say I’m really good with numbers,” Ethan said. “I’m even better with technology.” He gently swung my hand as we walked. “I started working for this guy. I saw an ad at a mortgage company. They were looking for a student intern, so I applied. The fucker had a side business in Commercial Real Estate.”

“So he tricked you.”

Ethan stopped. “At first, yes. Once I realized I’d broken the law, I fucking panicked. He told me we would both go to jail if I fucked up. Six months later, I fucked up. I told my father about it. He told me to go to the police or he would. He thought that was best. I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, Ethan.”

“Why are you sorry? You had nothing to do with it.”

“Because I can feel the pain in your words.”

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